Pets being beaten, tortured and even beheaded - these are the silent victims of domestic abuse. A charity that helps victims of domestic abuse and their much-loved animals to escape desperate situations, said they receive calls on “a daily basis”.
University of Bristol graduate Mary Wakeham, founder of the charity, Refuge4Pets, said they help victim-survivors every day to find foster carers for their pets as they flee from an abusive perpetrator. “Not wanting to leave a pet behind is the main barrier to a victim leaving an abusive situation," she said.
“We get phone calls every day for help and our small team is always out collecting animals and taking them to our foster carers,” she said. Mary is a survivor of domestic abuse, during which time her partner would torment her dog to punish her.
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“It’s a form of coercive control, he tried to strangle my dog,” she said. In 2017 she started the charity, which serves Devon and Cornwall, as she was helping victims of domestic violence, but found there was no solution when it came to pets. In 2021, she graduated with a PhD in gender-based violence from the University of Bristol.
“The animals are the only living beings which know what is really going on in an abusive household. The children can be put to bed and the animal is the only one there. It’s a very unique bond of love and companionship, a massive source of comfort for the victim.
“Caring for the animal is also a form of escapism for abuse victims, but they also feel blame and shame when the perpetrator hurts their pet,” she said. An abusive perpetrator will always target the pet which belongs to the victim in order to control and entrap his victim in an abusive relationship.
Mary said her team has dealt with cases where animals have been beaten, kicked, murdered and even beheaded. She said: “We dealt with a case where a victim had raised her fish from tiny. The perpetrator poured bleach into the fish tank and she had to sit there and watch them die. Before that happened, he would just pull the fish out of the tank. Those actions instil such fear into the victim.
“Animals are the silent victims of domestic abuse,” she said. The charity has placed over 500 animals in foster care. These have been primarily been dogs and cats, but also small animals such as hamsters and rabbits, as well as a horse and even some ducks.
Mary said they have committed foster carers for the pets, but said they are desperate for more foster carers. Foster carers are often retired people who are animal lovers but do not want to have a new pet which may outlive them, as well as domestic abuse survivors and students.
Most pets are fostered for around six months, but Mary said this time period had been extended to up to a year due to the housing crisis and emergency or temporary accommodation not being readily available for when a victim wants to escape her abuser.
The victim/survivor and the foster carers are never in contact and a rescued pet is never placed locally in order to protect the identities of all parties.
Mary said the biggest reward is when an abuse survivor and pet are reunited : “I’m a massive animal lover. I picked up one dog recently and he was so broken and frail. I went to visit him at his foster home and he’s so happy this week, he’s flinging toys around and rolling in his bed. It’s going to be really special when we reunite him with his owner.”
A survivor, who had to remain anonymous, said without being able to place her pet with a foster carer: “I would not have been able to leave the dangerous situation I was in. It helped me to get through some very traumatic days, weeks and months knowing my dog was being so well looked after and that I would be reunited with her one day.”
She added regular updates and photos of her pet: “was some days the only joy I had in my life at that point.”
A foster carer, who also had to remain anonymous, said : “We love dogs and it’s also helping people when they are really desperate. We love having the dogs to stay, we have had many different breeds and we find it great fun.
“If we didn’t do this, I think life would be quite boring. It pulls at our heartstrings when they leave, but you get to know they will be going back. To be a foster carer, I think you have to be a real animal lover and then everything else falls into place,” she said.
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