For Peter Crouch, it was the defence mechanism that became a superpower during his playing career and ensured he did not grow up when the boots were left to gather dust.
From his early years in Tottenham's academy to more than two decades as a professional who earned 42 England caps and scored more than a century of Premier League goals, the 6ft 7in striker dealt with cruel taunts from the terraces and opponents over his appearance.
But he learnt from a young age that the best response was to strike first with a wicked sense of humour.
Now, as an Amazon documentary on his career hits the screens, Crouch says that his ability to make light of life has eased his transition to his current successful media career.
“It’s been my defence mechanism really. There have been a lot of comments that people have laughed at. It’s been a lot of fun,” he said.
“Growing up it was because I looked different. If people were going to say something funny about me. If I was funny before they started, it put it to bed. It started as a defence mechanism but became my superpower.
“It ended up being something that makes me stand out from another footballer but it started in a place of people trying to give me a bit of stick but me being sharper and quicker than them about what they were going to say. That stood me in good stead and I wasn’t about to change that when I became a footballer.”
Crouch has arguably become even more famous since retiring in 2019 thanks to a book, podcast and deservedly earned a reputation as one of the game’s funniest men. He admits that one key to his continued happiness, in a position where many former pros struggle to cope, has been a refusal to grow up.
But to suggest his success in the past four years is accidental would be missing the mark.
“It’s easy for me to say I just didn’t grow up, there was still planning involved,” he adds. “It was like becoming a footballer, there were still times when to make it was difficult. It didn’t just happen. I did plan for it. I did my coaching badges when still playing.
“I remember Steve Stone saying to me that one minute he was playing for England and the next he was training the youth team at Newcastle and they were treating him like he had never played the game before, they had no idea what he had done.
“You’re easily forgotten once you’re out of the game so I did my badges, the book and a podcast. It was all pre-planned before I retired, still when I was front and centre. I knew the book would gain attention, the same with the podcast, so I knew I could go into something straight away.
“Much as I love Loose Women, I was so scared of sitting on the couch on a Monday morning watching that. I wanted to go out and do something. Thankfully the book and podcast really took off, branches grew out of that and I’m enjoying what I’m doing now.”
At the same time, he knows this will not last forever either and remains keen on coaching at grassroots level.
Senior management is not on his radar, though, because the commitment and how the job swallows up good men are off-putting.
“I just feel like I’ve a wealth of experience at that age where it is difficult being a teenager, let alone a young footballer, and I’ve got experience in how to combat and react to certain things. I know a thing or two about playing centre forward too so I can help in that way, tactically maybe, as well.”
