Friends are an important part of life. They can be great confidence boosters, stress relievers, and support providers, making us feel like we belong. However, distinguishing between genuine and false ones isn’t always easy. The truth is, not everyone who befriends us has our best interests at heart, which we sometimes have to learn the hard way.
Just like this person, whose college buddy used them the whole time and ditched them right after graduation. However, very recently an opportunity presented itself to carry out a petty revenge plan on the fake friend, which they took without hesitation.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with Kristin M. Papa, licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and founder of Living Open Hearted, who kindly agreed to give us a few tips on how people can distinguish genuine friends from false ones.
Distinguishing between genuine friends and false ones isn’t always easy
Image credits: Image by Freepik (not the actual photo)
This person learned the hard way that their friend was using them the whole time after ditching them after college
Image credits: Nikita Kachanovsky / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: hgrk234
“It’s easy to mistake proximity for true friendship”
“In today’s world of social media and surface-level connections, it’s easy to mistake proximity for true friendship,” Kristin M. Papa, licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and founder of Living Open Hearted, told Bored Panda.
A fake friend is someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart. They usually can’t be compromised with, show little interest in others’ needs, and don’t make an effort to foster the bond.
“Many times a fake friendship feels one-sided and you don’t feel that the relationship is reciprocal,” says Papa. “It may be that the person only reaches out when they need something. Most people know what it feels like to have a friend with whom there is a trust connection. However, a fake friendship often feels surface-level or transactional. In addition, interactions with this person leave you feeling anxious, drained, or insecure after you’ve interacted with them.”
Meanwhile, a genuine friend supports and values others, cares about their interests, and can even share some of them. Of course, no one is perfect, but they’ll bring deeper connection and authenticity to the friendship, something a fake one really lacks.
Being in a fake friendship doesn’t come without cost either, says Papa. “Friendships that are not genuine tend to leave you questioning where you stand with the person or feeling like you’re never enough,” she explained. “This can fuel unnecessary self-doubt and emotional exhaustion. In addition, you may feel increased anxiety since you’re walking on eggshells or fearing their reactions, which can make it hard to trust others and build genuine relationships.”
“If the friendship is harming you, it can be beneficial to distance yourself”
If a person finds themselves in a fake friendship, the first thing Papa suggests doing is assessing the relationship to determine whether it’s worth saving or if it’s something that will be difficult to change.
“Once you have more clarity on the relationship dynamics in the friendship, you can set healthy boundaries so you can reduce your emotional investment if it feels draining. If you value the relationship, you can communicate openly, express your concerns about what you’re feeling and noticing, and then observe their response,” she advised.
“Ultimately, if the friendship is harming your well-being and doesn’t feel like it’s serving you, it can be beneficial to distance yourself or have an honest conversation with the person to help you move forward.”
Breaking ties with a friend, even a fair-weathered one, can leave a significant emotional impact. So it’s important to practice self-care and do things a person enjoys while coping with the feelings. During this time, it’s also beneficial to nurture the friendships that bring joy by spending time with friends who genuinely care and show up for you.
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