A recent clip questioning the appearance of people who are engaging in open relationships or polyamory has been making rounds across TikTok with over 6 million views.
Detailed content about open relationships or polyamory, in which multiple partners engage in romantic relationships, has become quite common on social media. And this one TikTok user can’t help but wonder, “Why do people in open relationships always look like that?”
The viral TikTok video asks, “Why do people in open relationships always look like that?”
The viral TikTok by Realandrewbriggs continues, “I am being very non-specific here, but you know exactly what I’m talking about.”
It’s safe to say the question broke the internet for many non-poly and poly people, unleashing a storm of comments and thoughts shared under the post.
TikTok user Realandrewbriggs expressed, “I just really want to know what lifestyle or behavior or really anything is happening that causes this weird correlation in looking like that and then having this desire to share your partner with other people. I don’t understand, like, whatever that thing is that’s causing this. I want to avoid that at all costs. Like, one, because I’m not interested in that kind of lifestyle. But two, I mean, it’s just…how does this happen?”
The TikTok user adds, “Somebody will have an open relationship, just so they can date three ‘3’s and say they’re in a relationship with a ‘9.’”
@realandrewbriggs♬ original sound – Andrew
Further explaining, Andrew continues, “I have a working theory on this, okay, and it’s kind of mean. It’s not my idea. Don’t shoot the messenger here. I saw some meme once upon a time that was like, ‘Somebody will have an open relationship, just so they can date three ‘3’s and say they’re in a relationship with a ‘9.’ Unfortunately, I don’t know if that’s how the scale, which is nonsense, really works.”
“You know, it’s not like a cumulative thing, guys. I just don’t know how this shit’s happening. It’s like the most confusing thing in the world to me. Never, — not never — rarely have I seen an ‘8,’ ‘9,’ ’10’ in an open relationship. That’s all I’m saying. And if you have, they’re usually the shot-caller,” he adds.
Polyamorous people on social media shared their responses, too
The TikTok clip reached poly people on the platform. But what exactly is polyamory?
Polyamory is just another concept among the many complex types of intimacy that includes more than two people in a relationship. For example, three people can be a “throuple” in a polyamorous relationship.
People shared their replies with Andrew. While some agreed with the user, some criticized him.
One such TikTok user, maddlyminnie, got nearly 1 million views with her response video, where she cheekily agrees with Andrew, “..I’m polyamorous, and this guy is basically spot on. I mean… ya know? That’s the end of the conversation.”
Therapist Lee Tepper says, “Instead of asking, ‘Why do all poly people look the same?’ What if we asked ourselves, ‘What do all poly people have in common?'”
@maddlyminnie Don’t trip #polyamorytiktok #polyamorytok #stitch #nonmonogamy @Andrew ♬ original sound – ꧁Mค∂e͢͢͢liภe
Meanwhile, licensed therapist Lee Tepper shared a contrasting opinion in favor of poly people that also went viral.
In his TikTok video, Tepper says that poly people simply don’t care about what non-poly people think and adds, “The reason why all poly people look the same to you is because they have the aura of a person that genuinely doesn’t give a fuck about what you think. Quick thought exercise, instead of asking, ‘Why do all poly people look the same?’ What if we asked ourselves, ‘What do all poly people have in common?'”
Explaining that polyamorous partners actually reject social norms, Lee adds, “And the answer to that is rejection of social norms and rejection of social expectations that you on the ground are reinforcing through your policing of how people look and what their appearance is. When they don’t give a f*** about what you think about how they look and what their appearance is.”
“I work with a lot of poly people, and that means I also work with a lot of neurodivergent people and a lot of queer people under any alphabet of the umbrella, like the overlap is for a reason, because it is also a rejection of social norms and a rejection of expecting yourself to follow that even when you are in a community or in an environment where that is expected of you, how badass just saying,” appreciates Tepper.
“People are allowed to have masks,” Tepper adds
@realandrewbriggs♬ Free Bird – Lynyrd Skynyrd
Saying that they’re not poly, Tepper continues to explain, “And you know, I’m not poly myself — just to be clear — but I work with a lot of poly people, and you better believe I’m going to ride for them, and I’m going to say what the real tea is, because this is like growth.”
“You know, it’s like, why are we talking about this? I think you’re also trying to have a roundabout conversation around how you see people’s expressions of neurodivergence without the masking, without saying, ‘Why do neurodivergent people look like that?’ Maybe it’s a hot take, but that’s what I’m hearing.”
“People are allowed to have masks, and if you’re uncomfortable, great, that’s fine. Welcome to life in the world. Just maybe don’t, like, shit on an entire group of people that already get shit on,” they add.
People who are in polyamorous relationships look for deeper emotional connections
As we’re nearing the end of the 21st century’s first quarter, people have become more and more accepting of others’s choices when it comes to love and intimacy. Becoming more common than ever, poly people have been sharing content online regarding their relationship dynamics. To non-poly people’s surprise, they express that their relationships have no drama but instead are pretty peaceful and loving.
But why do some people choose polyamorous relationships? A recent study by psychologists reveals that people who engage in polyamorous relationships often search for deeper emotional connections, autonomy in their personal lives, and a fulfillment of needs that may not be met in monogamous relationships.
@realandrewbriggsOk. I think I’m done talking about this. FOR NOW at least♬ original sound – Andrew
Speaking to PsyPost, study author Alexander K. Tatum explained, “Some common reasons that emerged from this study involved a desire to have more authentic relationships with partners that are not limited by arbitrary restrictions on affection, a desire to explore and challenge uncomfortable emotions (such as jealousy), or an organic evolution from other forms of consensual non-monogamy (such as open relationships or swinging).’
“Other people spoke about a pattern of general dissatisfaction in their monogamous relationships as their impetus for exploring polyamory, or a desire to support a partner who was curious about polyamory.”
“I can’t put my finger on what it is.” Netizens debated the merits of the TikToker’s theory
