Just because someone is your biological parent doesn’t automatically make them family. Being a father is all about self-sacrifice, supporting your kids through all the ups and downs, and loving them unconditionally.
Unfortunately, not everyone fits the bill. Some dads are downright toxic and deeply mean-spirited. Bored Panda has collected some of the most awful message exchanges that people have ever had with their ‘dads.’ They’re examples of behavior that nobody should have to tolerate, and why healthy boundaries are vital, even when it comes to your relatives.
Warning: this topic may be triggering for some readers.
#1 That's A Father Who Needs To Be Investigated
Image credits: SylnaZhinka
#2 My Father Tries To Say He Put Me Through College. My $1,000 Monthly Loan Payments Say Otherwise
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#3 My Stepdad Gave My PC Away To Goodwill. He Said I Waste My Time On It And I Should Be An Auto Mechanic Instead Of Going To College For Computer Science. I Spent Like $800 On That PC
I went to Goodwill and bought it back for $85. They had my computer for sale for $85.
Image credits: shrubbylight17
Parenting is a very difficult and sensitive topic to get into. Nearly everyone seems to have strong opinions on raising kids well (and might think others are wrong). There’s no single ‘best’ approach to childcare because a lot depends on the dynamics between your family members.
But broadly speaking, one parenting style is miles better than the alternatives. Spoiler warning: it’s authoritative (not to be confused with authoritarian) parenting.
#4 My Dad Is Sending Me To Boot Camp This Month Because I Didn't Get My Hair Cut The Way He Wanted. I Was Sobbing In The Back Of My Work When He Sent Me These Messages
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#5 Once A Month From My Dad
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#6 Insane Dad
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There are four main parenting styles: authoritative (aka balanced), authoritarian (dictatorial and harsh), permissive (parents see their kids as friends), and uninvolved (neglectful).
To put it bluntly, you should aim to be an authoritative parent because it’s the healthiest for your children when it comes to building self-esteem, resilience, academic success, and emotional and mental well-being.
#7 My Father Tracking Me While I’m On A Date
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#8 I’m A Recovering Alcoholic Who Just Moved Into A New Apartment. This Is What My Dad Left Me
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#9 Dad Decided To Tear My Room Down While I'm Away At College. He Also Threw All Of My Stuff Away Without Asking
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Your goal as a parent is to create a nurturing and supportive space for your munchkins, where they can not only survive but also thrive and grow into kind, capable, and confident adults.
Authoritative parenting is all about finding the right balance between unconditional love and firm boundaries for your kids.
#10 That’s Probably Not The Only One
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#11 Last Year's Thanksgiving With Dad Brought This Out. Not The First Time He's Made Comments Like This, And I Was Told I Was Gross For Getting Upset
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#12 My Dad Thinks He Is Entitled To My Money (Which I Don't Have Much Of) Because "It's Christmas"
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Kids need lots of affection and attention, yes, but they also require structure and boundaries. Authoritative parents understand the massive value that clarity provides in a home setting. That’s why they’re so big on open and honest communication.
They establish very clear guidelines for their kids: they explain what behavior is acceptable, what’s not, and why. And they take their children’s feelings and opinions into account.
#13 For The First Time In My Life, I Stood Up To My Psycho Dad. His Response Was To Cut Me Out Of His Will
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#14 My Dad Still Thinks I’m 13
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#15 Why’d I Have The Same Exact Experience
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These authoritative parents are calm. They’re assertive. They genuinely care about their emotional well-being, but they don’t shy away from setting expectations and rules, too.
It’s important to remember, though, that there is no such thing as a ‘perfect’ parent. No matter what your social media feeds and random parenting blog posts tell you, all parents make mistakes from time to time. And that’s okay.
#16 Stepdad Ate My Only Food I Had For Lunch At Work
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#17 I Went Out Of The House For A Bike Ride, And When I Came Back, Dad Locked Me Out Of The House. Luckily, I Had A Back Door Key, But He Physically Forced Me Out Of My Own Home
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#18 My Dad Volunteered Me To Read At Church At 6 AM. He Also Refuses To Use My New Name
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Parenting isn’t a competition. And you’re not aiming for a ‘perfect’ track record. Instead, you should focus on being there for your kids, guiding them as best as you can, and learning from your mistakes as you go along.
Your success as a parent depends on your kids’ happiness rather than doing things ‘perfectly,’ following the latest parenting trends, and taking influencers’ tips as gospel. Don’t give in to the pressure from social media and your local neighborhood parents to behave a certain way just because it’s popular.
#19 My Girlfriend Got These From Her Dad Last Night After Not Answering One Phone Call. Things Like This Happen At Least A Few Times A Month With Her Parents
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#20 My Father Sent A Video To A Group Chat With Me And My Brother Of A Guy Smashing His Kid’s TV Because They Forgot Their Chores
That was yesterday morning. Since then, I’ve been getting complete silent treatment and he snaps at my mom and brother whenever they try to speak to him.
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#21 My Dad Is In Texas Right Now And Is Making Me Send Photos Of My Room Every Day Or He Takes 100$ From My Account
He’s taken 1000$ out of my brother's account for eating a Laffy Taffy, so this is actually pretty tame compared to other stuff.
Image credits: Thats_Pretty_Epic
Contrary to authoritative parents, authoritarian parents often don’t care about their kids’ thoughts or feelings about their decisions. They don’t allow for much (if any) room for negotiations and compromise. They simply expect their kids to follow their commands and strict rules to the letter, no matter the context.
Authoritarians are also likely to punish their children for misbehavior and mistakes. They have very high expectations but little flexibility and less ability to be nurturing.
#22 I Am 22 Years Old, Living On My Own With My Husband, And My Dad Still Tries To Control What I Do
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#23 My Dad Always Knows How To Make Me Feel Guilty For Things I Shouldn’t Have To Feel Guilty Over
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#24 My Dad Making My Accomplishments About Himself
For context, my sister and I are very low contact with our father. There was a small news article about my participation in a space mission and he is upset the journalist didn't credit him for my interest in space.
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Meanwhile, permissive parents, unlike authoritarians, tend to have very few expectations for their children. They can be kind, warm, and nurturing, but they’re not the best when it comes to setting up and enforcing rules and boundaries inside and outside of the home.
Often, permissive parents see their kids as their friends, so they rarely discipline them. This, in turn, can lead to their munchkins developing lots of unhealthy habits, which will have a knock-on effect on their health later in life.
#25 My Dad Called Me Almost 350 Times, Then Decided To Use A Relative's Recent Death As Leverage. This Is Over Me Packing For School
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#26 My Biological Dad And I Have Always Had A Bad Relationship But I Thought We Had Worked Out Something Civil When He Got "Sober". I Received $2 Two Days Before My Wedding
Previously he disowned me for marrying a woman, he also said he had stopped drinking, which wasn’t true. I must also mention that he’s been an absent father and an addict my entire life.
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#27 My Father With Whom I Have Little To No Contact, Put Me (24 Years Old) And My Sister (40 Years Old) In A Group Chat To Chastise Us For Not Texting Him On Thanksgiving
About three years ago, my father cheated on my mother after 31 years of marriage. When my sister and I refused to accept the "other woman" as our new stepmom, he flipped out and cut us off because we hurt her feelings. Over the last three years, he has made no steps to apologize and has done irreparable damage to our relationship. He was constantly sending guilt-tripping texts like this to us, and I finally just snapped and blocked him after this.
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Freedom is good. But too much freedom without any guidance can be toxic. Uninvolved, aka neglectful, parents are barely present in their children’s lives. Often, they have barely any expectations of them and don’t offer them a nurturing environment.
This can lead to self-sufficiency, sure, but it also results in poorer academic performance, difficulties maintaining relationships, and problems with emotional control.
#28 Gross Text My Girlfriend’s Dad Sent. He Almost Never Contacts Her And Sent This Out Of The Blue. He Never Replied
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#29 I Turned Off My Location Services For My Own Privacy. My Dad, Citing Safety Reasons, Turned Off My Wireless Data Until I Share My Location
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#30 Gotta Love My Homophobic Dad. I Wasn't Even Intentionally Making An LGBTQ+ Design, Just Wanted A Rainbow
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#31 My Dad Always Insults My Appearance In Pictures, So I Deleted His Comments. A Man Child
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#32 Dad Bruises My Arm After Losing His Temper. He’s Not Very Remorseful
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#33 Dad Decided To Throw My Boots Away Because They're In The "Middle" Of The Way
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#34 23 And Can’t Spend Time With My Boyfriend, Without Dad Constantly Threatening To Come To His House
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#35 Didn’t Give My Dad 150$ For Beer. He Must Have Found Some Money Somewhere, Because He Drunk Texted Me This Lovely Mess
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#36 Texted Dad For The First Time In A While To Ask A Simple Question. That Was A Mistake
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#37 My Brother Has Some Major Behavioral Issues, So I Put My Mom And Dad Into A Group Chat So They Can Work Out Putting Him In Therapy. My Dad Refuses, And Has No Problem Calling Him A Loser
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#38 How Do I React To This From My Dad?
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#39 My Dad And I Were Having Such A Nice Conversation For Once, Until This
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#40 This Was Completely Out Of Nowhere
I was at work and sent my dad this, he’s been kinda moody lately, so I was just sending it as more of a heads up. Keep in mind, my name is also on the lease and I pay half the rent. Also this girl is also like my sister and she moved away a year ago, she is also only in town for today and tomorrow.
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#41 Texting My Dad About A Previously Organized Visit With My 9-Week-Old Baby. We Agreed Yesterday That He Would Come Up Around Lunchtime. How Dare I Suggest A Time For Him To Arrive
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#42 I’m The Only Kid In The Family Who Didn’t Become A Doctor. My Mom Forced My Dad To Post For My Graduation Since He Always Brags About My Doctor And Dentist Siblings. This Is What I Got
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#43 My Dad Is Threatening To Call The Cops On Me
The other day I backed into a parked car in a parking lot. I couldn’t find the owner so I called the non-emergency number, left my contact info on the vehicle, and took photos of the incident. I went back to the scene when the owner came back to his car and called me, talked with the police, and agreed to handle this civilly by paying for the minor damages (dent in the rear bumper).
My dad found out and was mad about it but got over it. I went out today and he started calling me to get back home. I didn’t answer so he threatened to call the cops on me for a hit and run (which didn’t happen) and call the owner of the car and tell them to sue me. He then called all my friends and started threatening them too.
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#44 I’m So Glad My Dad Is Finally Paying Attention To Me
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#45 My Dad Doesn't Like When I Try To Cool Down The Hottest Side Of The House (My Side). He Closed All The Vents, Took My Fan, And Decided To Do This. It's Set To 82 Degrees. We're In Arizona
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#46 My Father Sent Me This For My Birthday. The Bottom Says "You Didn’t Think This Was A Birthday Gift, Did You?"
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#47 A Text From My Father, Who Has Blamed Me For All Of His Marriage Problems With My Mom Since I Was 9 Years Old. He Sent Me This Gem While My Husband Was Deployed
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#48 My Dad Not Letting Me Borrow An Umbrella Because It’s In His "Bunker Room"
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#49 Conversation With My Dad About Him Forcing Me To Sleep On The Couch So His Other Kids Can Have My Room
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#50 Dad Gave Away My Cat A Couple Of Months After I Moved Out. He Refuses To Tell Me Where He Is. I Can't Pursue Legal Action Because I'm 14 And He Was In Legal Ownership
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#51 My Father Set A Password... To The Thermostat
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#52 I Confronted My Dad About Making My Little Brother Pay Half The Electricity Bill When He Barely Earns Any Money. This Was My Dad's Response
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#53 My Grandma Is In The ER And All My Dad Is Thinking Of Is Calling Me
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#54 My 75-Year-Old Dad, Asks Me, A 32-Year-Old Female, For An 8x10
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#55 Dad Refuses To Give Me Back My Keys After I Loaned Him My Car
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#56 Another Conversation With My Dad
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#57 The One Time I Wish My Dad A Happy Thanksgiving
I'm 19 years old, my parents have been divorced since I was 3, and the last time I saw my dad was 10 years ago. He’s retired military so I’m on his medical, and that’s the extent he provides for me.
I message him happy birthday and holiday greetings. This time he was drunk and got mad because I didn’t reply to his text message, even though I made it clear to him that my phone is broken and I’m using one with no sim.
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#58 My Dad Always Asks For Expensive Things And Wants Me To Pay For Everything
My dad is probably my least favorite person on this earth. He’s emotionally manipulative, abusive, and controlling. He has screwed me over majorly in life. My grandparent’s house was supposed to be sold, and the money was to be given to me per their wishes for my college loans. My dad sold it and kept the money for himself. I am a pharmacist and went through 8 years of school to get my doctorate with no help from my parents, so I have a lot of loans. My dad constantly asks for expensive presents for special occasions or for me to pay for things for him, like my parent’s anniversary dinner at a steak house. It annoys me because it’s like rubbing salt in the wound of the money he stole from me.
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#59 I’ve Been At College For One Day. He Dropped Me Off Yesterday. It’s Orientation Week
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#60 I Have No Words. My Dad Suddenly Decided That He Doesn’t Want To Pay The Full Share Of His Rent And All I Asked For Was An Explanation
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#61 My Dad Says I’m Dead To Him
My siblings and I have cut our parents out of our lives because for too long there has been manipulation, lying, and just downright nasty behavior. A few weeks back I decided I wanted to reach out to my old stepdad (my parents divorced and married other people a while back, they ended up divorcing those people and getting back together). I wanted to let him know that what was done to him was awful and I also wanted to just reconnect. My parents caught wind of this and that sparked my dad to text me after months of no contact to tell me I’m dead to him.
The last two things he has said to me are that he’s ashamed of me and that I’m dead to him. And then an hour later he told me he loves me with all his heart. I didn’t respond.
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#62 This Is My Dad's Idea Of An Acceptable Amount Of Screen Time
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#63 My Dad Randomly Unplugged My Ethernet, And This Is What I Come Back To After I Plug It Back In
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#64 Almost The 5-Year Anniversary Of When My Dad Sent These To Me
I had just turned 18 and moved out of my dad’s apartment into my mom’s because he’d constantly be drinking and saying horrible things to me and then wouldn’t remember it in the morning. I have more of these texts (16 more screenshots to be exact) but they’re kind of painful to read back. I honestly don’t really know if I was entitled to leave like that. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe I’m the insane one.
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#65 My Dad Posted This On Facebook The Day I Moved In With My Mother When I Was 16
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#66 Dad Will Text Me Stuff Like This To Guilt Me Into Ordering Him Take Out. I’m Sick Of It And Don’t Know What To Do
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#67 My Dad Only Contacts Me When He Wants Something. This Is What He Messaged Me Out Of The Blue With While I Was Crying At Work
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#68 My Dad Threatening To Burn My House Down
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#69 Dad Is Mad That His Subscription Didn’t Automatically Renew
He got a new bank card and “I need you to do this for me” way of asking to change all his subscriptions last month. I updated it and thought it was that.
I got this message not even 10 minutes ago. He does this every time something small doesn’t go his way and I’m tired of begging for him to calm down or stay in my life. I’m happy to not do anything for him anymore and I don’t care if he goes no contact with me anymore. Guilt-tripping me over an HBO subscription is crazy.
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#70 My Dad Opens My Mail Without My Permission
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#71 My Father Just Randomly Sends Messages Like This For No Reason, And Then I Hear Nothing Again For Months. I Hadn’t Heard From Him For About 5 Months Before This
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#72 My Stepdad’s "Apology" After Two Decades Of Abuse
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#73 My Dad Being Himself After I Told Him Happy Thanksgiving
My dad is very aware of our financial troubles, and it took every cent I had to get pull ups and diapers and put the remaining in gas to get to my uncle’s Thanksgiving, around 35 miles away. My dad says he lives 8 miles from me, but it is actually closer to 20 one way. My dad doesn’t usually do anything for Thanksgiving, and my mom has an order of protection against him and was with us, so I assumed the best place to take the kids to Thanksgiving dinner was my uncle’s who we don’t get to see much.
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#74 Our Roommate's Dad Has Decided We Don't Get To Live In Our Apartment Anymore
He has no power to do this. He does not live with us. His justification is that we aren't suited to living together (because the apartment isn't perfectly clean) despite us being very happy with our arrangement. Our roommate and her mom have both tried to tell him that he doesn't get to make that decision for us, but he has ignored them both. His name is on the lease, but only because he and his wife used to rent this apartment before us. They moved out 3 or 4 years ago and now live an hour away. No idea why he thinks this is ok.
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#75 Biological Dad Found My Post On A Public Game Group And Commented This. I'm No Contact With Him And 7 Years Sober
He sent me 900$ in 2012, I was using in 2014-2016. When I got sober I made a decision to completely cut him out, he’s extremely racist and “born again Christian” and it’s been going well. The mountains of texts before this public post are similar.
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#76 Dad Takes $20,000 Out Of My Account Which Had $17,000 And Proceeds To Guilt Trip, Gaslight, And Deny Me My Own Money. I Still Haven’t Received My Money Back, By The Way
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#77 Apparently, My Dad And His Girlfriend Were Fighting When I Went Swimming With Her Today, And I Got A Chain Of Insane Texts
I don’t have a phone plan, so I didn’t get any of these messages until I got home. I do not live with him, so I’m not worried about my safety. Also, the cut-off message says: “Dad, I don’t have data on my phone”.
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#78 I Dared To Wish My Father A Happy Birthday. Now He Blames Me For All His Friends And Family Cutting Ties Because He Treats Everyone Like This
He sent me 45 texts like this before getting bored.
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#79 Meet My Dad
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#80 My Dad Grounding Me For The 500th Time This Year
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#81 My Dad Says I Don't Deserve Or Need A Doorknob
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#82 My Dad Is Upset I Missed Class Because I Was Sick. He's Also Upset That I Am Not Home Much Even Though I'm 18 And A Working Student Athlete. My Sister Texted Me This
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#83 What Would You Guys Do If Your Dad Did This To Your $150 Monitor?
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#84 My Father Told The Cops I Came Onto His Property When I Was Getting My Cat, Whom He Told Me He Would Take To A Shelter If I Didn’t Collect
I was homeless because he kicked me out, and I risked where I was staying to have my cat with me.
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#85 My Dad's Response After Calling Me At 3 AM For A Chat
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#86 My Biological Dad Messaged Me On Facebook After Discovering That I Plan On Getting Adopted
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#87 Am I Overreacting?
Long story short, had to move back home and my dad has never been an affectionate father. I can count on my fingers how many times I have gotten hugs from him, he was also very emotionally abusive to me growing up. As soon as I got back he started hugging me and planting kisses on my cheek and neck and I’ll move away and tell him it's weird and I always receive blacklash from my mother and other relatives that I'm being mean and hes trying to rebuild a relationship with me. He did it again tonight and I tried to pull away from him but he was squeezing me tight and I literally yelled let me go and tried to communicate it again but he’s not getting it.
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#88 A Growth Mindset With My Dad Is Impossible
I grew up having to walk on eggshells around my dad because any perceived slight inconvenience gets turned on you and his mood changes in an instant. We had a productive conversation recently where I finally told him it’s frustrating to deal with and he had a great response and promised to just make an effort to stop and think before reacting. I’m exhausted.
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#89 My Boomer Father Seeks Out My LinkedIn Profile And Sends Me A Message About How He Wished I Looked More Feminine In My Headshot
Mind you, I just have short hair, which was styled and curled, and a full face of makeup in the photo.
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#90 I Came Out As Bisexual On Facebook And Got These Texts From My Father
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#91 My Family Is On Vacation Without Me. I’m Away From Their House Visiting My Best Friend. Since I Don’t Run On Dad’s Time Anymore, He Had A Neighbor Do His Bidding And Blamed Me
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#92 Mom Asked If We Wanted To Go See Avatar 2. Dad’s Response
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#93 My Dad Is A Manipulator But He Wants Me To Treat Him Like He’s Jesus And I’m In Debt To Him For Raising Me
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#94 My Abusive, Manipulative, And Toxic Dad Just Sent This To Me. Ever Since My Mom Left Him, He’s Been Sending Quotes Like This
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#95 Despite All The Happy Family Memes, I Just Want To Let You All Know You Aren’t Alone. My Parents Are Upset At My Choice Of Fiancé For Various Reasons
I still tried to send an olive branch during the holidays but got this response in return. Some people just want to stay stubborn.
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#96 I Felt Good About My Response When Dad Tried To Make Fun Of My Mother's Spiritual Beliefs When She Mentioned That She Wanted To Get Me A Healing Crystal To Put In My New Apartment
We were all in the same room when he texted me, thinking he was being funny. They’ve been divorced for 16 years.
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#97 My Narcissist Dad Is Trying To Play Wounded Cow Again By Telling Family Members I Cut Him Off To Hide A Pregnancy And Marriage
I haven't spoken to my narcissistic dad since I told him it wasn't healthy for me to continue trying to have a relationship with him. This officially ended all forms of communication between us. Now, I'm in a group chat with the only two family members I still talk to. They were upset because they thought I was hiding major life events from them while I've been in quarantine. I'm not sure why my dad tells people I'm married or pregnant; it's likely his way of convincing himself and others that he's still the victim.
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#98 My Narcissistic Father
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#99 My Dad On A Post I Shared
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#100 My Stepdad (65) Rage Texting After I (42) Try To Set Some Boundaries
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#101 I Know My Dad Is Trying To "Protect" Me And Stuff But This Is Too Far. He Never Let Me See My Friend After That
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#102 We Called Our Abusive Dad Abusive And Now He’s Refusing To Eat
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#103 Parent Pushing Religion
My son (7) spent an afternoon with my dad today who is a fundamentalist Christian. My son first video called us and said god is real, why didn’t we know that. After he was dropped off, he was telling us how he needs to pray, the devil is real, everyone is corrupted etc. He now believes it’s all true because my dad has said it. I’ve always taught both sides and said it is up to them to decide.
I messaged my mum about this twice and she ignored all the messages. I don’t want them involved with us or my kids anymore.
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#104 Calling Your Own Daughter Like That
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#105 My Dad Doesn't Care That I Am Sick Even Though I Haven't Missed A Day Of Work In Over A Year. Also, I Didn't Have A Choice, My Employer Was The One Who Sent Me Home
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#106 My Absent Dad Sent Me An Emoji After Not Talking For Nearly A Year
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#107 Dad Ignored Me For Almost 3 Days Straight But I’m The Dramatic One. I Just Thought It Shows That Your Parents Will Never Fail To Bring You Down
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#108 My Dad Wants Me To Scrub The Oil Off The Driveway
Apparently, someone’s car (probably my brother's) leaked oil on the driveway, and my dad (stepdad technically) wants me to scrub it off. Like just hose it down? I don’t have time for that. Plus it’s the driveway, it’s bound to get dirty. Also up until a few weeks ago, he made me turn in my phone at night and wouldn’t let me have it in my room at all. Not even during daytime. I’m 21, and he continues to treat me like a child. He won’t let me eat after 10 PM either, because it “wakes him up”. I am the quietest person in the house, and my parents don’t even go to bed until 11 PM.
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#109 This Is Why I Have No Respect Left For My Father
Image credits: ChipsAndGuacaMolly
