CHICAGO — The World Cup in Qatar is only a week away, and if you’re anything like me, you’ve hardly slept the last week in anticipation.
Having watched most of the second season of “Ted Lasso,” I feel more than qualified to write about the world’s most spectacular sporting event besides the Super Bowl, even without having watched a single soccer game in its entirety.
With the help of friends, bartenders and assorted soccer experts I ran into on the street, here are seven important things to know about the World Cup.
1. Why are they playing in November?
It’s too hot in Qatar in the summer, with temperatures resembling Phoenix, so FIFA agreed to hold the event in November and December instead of June and July, colliding with the NFL season.
This is the first World Cup held in a Middle Eastern nation, and there will be plenty of protesting about Qatar’s restrictive social laws and the treatment of migrant workers, including those brought in to help build the stadiums. FIFA reportedly has urged nations and athletes to stick to football, an edict already being ignored before the World Cup begins.
2. Does the United States have a chance to win?
According to reliable sources, the United States has a chance to advance out of its group-stage quadrant and into the Round of 16, which means anything can happen. It probably won’t happen because it never has happened, but theoretically it could. The best U.S. finish was third place in 1930.
The operative phrase for the U.S. is “Believe,” adopted from the aforementioned TV show. And if you need a reason to believe, don’t forget about the thrilling 1-0 win over England in group play in the 1950 World Cup. If indeed you did forget, or never knew, you surely will be reminded when the U.S. and England play Nov. 25 at Al Bayt Stadium. Ted Lasso’s name may be invoked a time or two.
3. Who will stop Cristiano Ronaldo?
Only Ronaldo can stop Ronaldo, so it’s anyone’s guess (besides Ronaldo’s). The Portuguese star is the GOAT of the sport, according to Ronaldo and those close to him.
Ronaldo currently is embroiled in a drama with his Premier League team, Manchester United, which was upset that he walked off the pitch before the end of a match, much like Chicago Cubs star Sammy Sosa leaving Wrigley Field before the final game of the 2004 season. In this particular episode, United manager Erik ten Hag, playing the role of former Cubs manager Dusty Baker, is allegedly trying to force Ronaldo out, as Ronaldo told failed talk-show host Piers Morgan. ESPN reported that sources close to the club think the interview was a “power play.”
No matter the outcome, it ensures the spotlight will be on Ronaldo, which includes most of the commercials.
4. Which group-play matchup will be must-see TV in Chicago?
Aside from the obvious interest in all the games featuring the U.S. team, the one to watch will be Mexico-Argentina at 1 p.m. Nov. 26 on FS1 and Telemundo. The Globe Pub on the North Side will be packed.
Argentina features the world-renowned striker Lionel Messi, who has hinted this will be his final World Cup. Mexico will be without Javier “Chicharito” Hernandez, who mysteriously wasn’t wanted by El Tri, and Carlos Vela, who didn’t want to participate. “Vela? Chicharito? We’re not there, case closed,” Vela said.
Look for Chucky Lozano to try to lead the upset, according to my friend and longtime El Tri observer Chuy, who considers Mexico the St. Peter’s of the World Cup.
5. Will Kylian Mbappé misbehave?
Controversy is the middle name of Mbappé, who reportedly grabbed his privates while walking down a tunnel at halftime during a match Sunday for Paris Saint-Germain. If he played American football, he would be a Las Vegas Raider.
The 23-year-old French superstar is the highest-paid player in the world, earning $128 million for the 2022-23 season, according to Forbes, which dwarfs the $50.3 million made by Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers, the most obnoxious NFL player. The next three players are Messi, Ronaldo and Brazil’s Neymar, who is Mbappé's teammate in Paris and potential rival in the World Cup.
Like all bona fide European stars, Mbappé is unhappy with his current employer.
6. Will Ted Lasso be there?
There has been no announcement on whether Lasso will make an appearance, though the fictional coach has written messages to U.S. players that appeared on billboards in their hometowns.
“Precipitation and perseverance are two of your specialties,” he wrote to Jordan Morris, who hails from Seattle. “Maybe just focus on the second one when you’re playing in the Big Games. Rain or shine I’ll be rootin’ for you!”
7. Who will win the World Cup?
Most of the smart money will be on favorite Brazil, though Argentina, England and Germany also have great shots. Defending champion France can’t be discounted, especially if goalkeeper Hugo Lloris stays focused. Belgium may be the wild card because every playoff needs a wild card.
It’s really up for grabs, but I’m going with England thanks to the brilliant play of captain Harry Kane and the inspirational speeches of Coach Lasso. I believe.
