Paul Danan has said that he relapsed on drugs and was left homeless during the first lockdown.
The ex-Hollyoaks actor, 43, revealed that he suffered terrifying hallucinations after taking cocaine in a hotel room.
He has been to rehab 17 times over his life and has a history of cocaine addiction, but has now been clean for two years.
Speaking to The Sun, Paul said that he "felt so terrible, guilty and ashamed" when he began using again and that it became "really scary".
“I didn’t want to be on my own in lockdown so I left my flat in Hertfordshire and moved back in with mum and dad in Essex," he said. "I thought everything would be fine as I hadn’t touched any drugs in 18 months and life was good.”
Paul, who was diagnosed with ADHD in 2019, found the lockdown restrictions difficult to deal with as being around people often helped his condition.
However, because his dad was high risk, he was unable to meet anyone for a walk in case he caught the virus and passed it on.
"It was also really hard not being able to see my son DeNiro, who was in lockdown with his mother back in London," he said of his six-year-old son with his ex.
Paul explained that he began to get "really bad cabin fever" and was frustrated - leading to him to relapse two months later in May 2020 after giving notice on his flat.
Revealing that he didn't want to keep paying on a flat that he wasn't staying in, he went to collect his belongings and spotted an "empty baggie" when he was clearing out and it "triggered something.
He said: "I ended up bumping into someone outside and getting some cocaine from them. It was a moment of like, ‘F**k it, I’m not going to get another chance.’ Then I went back to my parents and used.
“I only had a few lines but it was enough to get the taste again. They say one line is too many, a thousand is never enough, and that’s what it’s like."
Afterwards, he felt "guilty and ashamed" after spending over £1million on rehab and recovery over the years.
He went on to leave his parents' house to stay with a friend in Bournemouth who had said he would help him detox.
But when he arrived, Paul explained that the place was "really grubby" and that he hadn't been comfortable staying there.
The pair ended up falling out and Paul was dumped at a train station by his pal after a row, leaving him homeless.
He was unable to check into any hotels because of lockdown and ended up going to the beach to score drugs. Paul said he met some "dodgy guys" who stole his belongings and it was soon midnight, and he had nowhere to go.
"It got scary, Paul revealed. "I just walked the streets trying to get into places but every hotel said no to me and I was in tears. I was basically homeless.
"I wished I was back at my mum and dad’s but they were furious with me, because they had been through this with me so many times before."
Paul was helped out by a taxi driver, who took him to a hotel owned by his brother and he crashed out there before heading to London in the morning for rehab.
Sadly, Paul ended up missing his appointment and managed to check into a hotel in West London, where he holed up and "things got really bad".
He explained that he ended up finding another dealer and began using daily in that room.
Paul said: "I didn’t eat apart from one croissant a day from the hotel breakfast buffet and then went back to the room. People were worried, phoning and asking where I was but I was losing my mind.
“I started having psychosis and believing that the police were going to come in through the door."
Thankfully, he managed to get himself to a rehab facility in the Cotswolds, which gave him treatment that "saved [his] life".
While he was there, he realised that he wasn't on the right ADHD medication and they helped grow his confidence to follow his dream of teaching drama to people with ADHD.
He has since gone on to develop The Morning After Theatre programme, which has grown and become a charity.
Paul added: "I can honestly say I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I’m in the best shape I’ve been for years as I’m playing loads of tennis, and I’m also seeing an amazing girl.
"In a weird way, I’m grateful that I went through the relapse in lockdown as I wouldn’t be where I am now, having achieved all I have achieved."
