Even if you like your in-laws, there’s a certain limit you might not want to exceed when it comes to spending time together. Visiting them for a weekend? Great! Going on a weeklong vacation? Why not? Living together for the foreseeable future? No, thank you.
When this redditor was talking to her husband about hosting his mom in their home, she was excited to do it. But the excitement didn’t take long to fade, as instead of coming for a month, as the OP thought that she would, her MIL was considering staying more than half a year, which didn’t take long to turn into a family drama. Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find a couple of updates on how the situation unfolded.
This woman was surprised about her MIL needing a special visa for a short visit
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That was because her husband and his mom had a longer stay in mind
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Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
Image credits: RewardSpecialist3390
For many people, relationships with their in-laws are worse than those with their parents
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Even though you can choose your partner, you can’t choose their family, which means that an instant loving relationship isn’t guaranteed. While that can change over time, the in-law relationships often remain a complex issue, which might call for being both somewhat flexible and understanding and able to set clear boundaries at the same time.
Studies on in-law relationships suggest that people tend to have more troubles with their in-laws than their own parents. One study found that in the US, men and women both reported more conflict with mothers-in-law than with their mothers, while moms reported more conflict with their daughters-in-law than with their daughters.
Psychologist, writer, and Fellow Emerita of Newnham College Cambridge, Terri Apter, points out that such relationships have a “special potential for conflict.” Whether they involve a parent-in-law, child-in-law, or sibling-in-law, arguments can be difficult, if not impossible, to escape. However, according to the expert, “The most heated and persistent problems arise between two women—the wife and the husband’s mother.”
Apter notes that while 15% of mother-in-law and son-in-law relationships experience some tension, as much as 60% of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships are described by negative terminology, such as “strained,” “uncomfortable,” “infuriating,” “depressing,” “draining,”and “simply awful.”
It’s not uncommon for a man’s wife and his mother to have a strained relationship
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According to Apter, the problem with the relationship between the two important women in a man’s life—his wife and his mother—arises from their similar positions, as they are both the primary women in their primary family.
“As each tries to establish or protect her status, each feels threatened by the other,” the expert wrote. “‘What will I have to relinquish if I respect your position in the family?’ and ‘Will I retain my importance if I acknowledge yours?’ signal a vulnerability that can lead to competition over emotive issues about who has more power and more influence in the domestic sphere.”
While protecting a certain status or controlling the sense of competition is easier to do when the women—or any in-laws, for that matter—are apart, living under one roof for a prolonged period of time can be difficult. According to Marriage.com, living with the in-laws might cause troubles related to decision-making or interference in the couple’s life. The in-laws might have opinions or advice they want to share, which can be a cause for conflict if the couple wants to live their lives how they see fit. There can also be contradicting traditions, which can create tension when under the same roof.
According to the aforementioned source, it’s crucial for couples to communicate openly about their expectations and compromise in order to find a solution that works for everyone. Open communication was the route that the OP took when talking to her husband about his mother’s visit. While it wasn’t easy, the woman “held her ground,” and while the entire situation might have negatively affected her relationship with the in-laws—both her mother and sister-in-law—the couple and the visitor eventually did manage to find a compromise. The OP opened up about how that went in the two updates she shared after the initial post.
The wife provided more details in the comments
Most netizens didn’t think the wife was being a jerk to her husband or his mother
Soon after, the woman uploaded an update, letting the netizens know how things were going
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Fellow netizens shared their thoughts in the comments
The woman shared a second update after having talked to her mother-in-law
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Image credits: RewardSpecialist3390
The discussion in the comments continued
