Sometimes, if your child is acting up, it can feel so isolating - like you're the only parent in the world that has faced a toddler meltdown and you really don't know what to do about it. Inside you may want to scream and tell your child they're naughty, but a parenting expert has warned that this does more harm than good, as it can actually make your child's behaviour worse.
Csilla Love encourages parents to develop healthy relationships with their children through videos on TikTok, where she posts as @csilla.love. In one of her videos, she explained why it won't have a good impact on your kids when you label them 'naughty'.
If a child thinks that they are nothing but a troublemaker, they can internalise that, which in turn, makes them more likely to behave in a naughty way.
In the clip, Csilla roleplayed her and a child, where the parent was telling the child they were naughty.
As the parent, she says: "You are such a troublemaker", then the child sighs.
Then the parent continues: "No one is going to want to play with you because you are always so naughty! As a parent, I'm feeling so frustrated and I don't yet understand who you are as a child is separate from your behaviour, so I'm just going to put a label on you as being 'bad' or 'naughty'".
The child then replies: "Yep, and what I'm hearing is that labelling me as being 'naughty' or a 'troublemaker' is the only way that you see me. This has a huge impact on my self-esteem, my friendships, and my relationship with you.
"When I hear something about myself often enough, I'll eventually start to believe it and act accordingly.
"The pathways in my brain that form my belief systems are still developing and having these labels all the time and hearing them tells me that this is who I am.
"The way you'll treat me in the future will also be affected. This label will stick with me throughout my life and I'll grow up believing that I am bad, naughty, and a troublemaker.
"It will take a lot of realisations and inner child healing to change this ingrained belief."
In the comments, children that were treated in this way were writing that they felt less alone because of the video, knowing it wasn't their 'bad behaviour' that led to being called 'naughty'.
One wrote: "Amen girl. This is exactly what my mum was like. Many years of therapy thinking I was bad despite being a polite and sensitive child and Straight A student."
Another admitted: "All these videos make me want to cry I've been in therapy for so long for this."
Someone else said: "I'm so glad that are people like you sharing this information!! It was always strange to me how some grown-ups treat children!"
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