HE had not left his bedroom, but Grant Sheather's mind took him to some dark places.
When morning came, he made the phone call to Lifeline that would ultimately save his life.
"Hope comes from struggle, and I did have some hope that morning," he said.
"I rang the crisis line and I believe if I didn't ring that line I most probably wouldn't have made it through that day, I would have taken my own life."
On the other end of the phone was a Lifeline counsellor, who listened without judgement, without even knowing Mr Sheather's name, and reassured him that what he was sharing was important.
As the sun rose over the horizon on Tuesday and Mr Sheather took part in his third Out of the Shadows Walk in Newcastle, he was incredibly grateful to that stranger and Lifeline Hunter for saving his life.
"They showed me a lot of empathy and compassion and made me feel like it was worth it," he said.
"I have learned that empathy for someone in that position is vital, because once you think someone does care even a little bit, it can alleviate a lot of weight from the mind.
"Not the distress, that's something you need to deal with in therapy, but definitely some of the weight of the mind when you reach out."
Since the morning he made the crisis call, Mr Sheather has also worked with a counsellor, grateful to have access to Lifeline Hunter's free, face-to-face service.
He said he knew he needed to get to the bottom of everything he was feeling, and it started with a decision to accept help.
"Vulnerability is key, I'm no longer in the wilderness, I am the wilderness," he said.
"I navigate that everyday."
More than 500 people took part in the Out of the Shadows Walk on World Suicide Prevention Day, marching from Dixon Park Surf Club to the Merewether Baths to raise awareness and funds for suicide prevention in the Hunter.
Among them were people who had wrestled with suicidal ideation themselves, those who had lost a loved one and others who wanted to spread a message of hope.
It is estimated that every 17 minutes a person in the Hunter makes a call to Lifeline for help. More than 3000 calls are made each day on top of texts and chat messages.
Suicide is the leading cause of death for Australians between the ages of 15 and 44, and the suicide rate in Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples is twice that of their non-Indigenous counterparts, according to Australian Bureau of Statistics data.
Lifeline Hunter chief executive Robert Sams said the walk had impact for all who took part.
"I think it shows we care as a community, we are there to care and it helps to break down the stigma around mental health and suicide," he said.
"It shows that we need a community approach to this, we need to all work together and care about it."
Mr Sams said calls to Lifeline increased during and after COVID-19 by 25 per cent, and it sadly has not stopped.
"That's good and bad in that yes a lot of people are reaching out, but a lot of people who are reaching out want to connect, so there's a message of hope in that," he said.
"When you call, we answer, 'This is Lifeline, may we help you?' From there it's up to you what you need.
"We listen without judgement, and listening without judgement and with anonymity really means a lot to people."
Mr Sheather said that it's important to remember that there is no hope without struggle.
"I think like everyone who has been through suicidal ideation or suicidality; I believe I am a part of that walk, I am that walk, everyone who has been in that position are the walk, people who lost their lives are the walk," he said.
"Just to be able to open up and not hold anything back, that is extremely freeing for someone like myself who has been where I have been, where I couldn't even hold my head up.
"I'm still in awe."
Lifeline's 13 11 14 crisis support line receives a call every 28 seconds, and it is thanks to a network of 41 centres, 10,000 volunteers, and 1,000 employees who provide a lifesaving national point of connection.
Nine Australians die every day by suicide and more than 65,000 Australians make a suicide attempt each year.
Lifeline is Australia's leading suicide prevention service offering crisis support, individual counselling, bereavement support groups, suicide prevention training, and other community programs.
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If this story raises issues for you, phone Lifeline on 13 11 14 or 13 Yarn on 13 92 76.
