We have a dog – Bowler – and he is a saint. He’s affectionate, a quick learner and has a primordial understanding of why he should pee on the pads we bought for that purpose, rather than our floors. At the age of one, he went completely blind (but handled it like a champ). We decided to get him a pal – same breed, obviously, because Bowler deserved that same level of wonderfulness. So we got Bjørn. Who turned out to be the Ted Bundy of Frenchies.
Bjørn ate his pee-pads (annoying), secretly desecrated our beds (devious) and his go-to act of defiance was not barking or running away but auto-pooping and then eating it, his beautiful greenish eyes locked into mine, brimming with triumph (psychopath). Oh, and he peed on Bowler whenever he could (unacceptable). While I wasn’t cleaning dog shit off my bed I was wondering if Bowler hated us or, worse, his entire life now (devastating).
So I tried to give Bjørn away. Not to just anybody – I’m not the monster here – but to a friend. I thought it would be a perfect match: he would thrive in a single-dog home and she wanted a pup. “You want me to have the puppy you’ve been referring to as Ted Bundy?” she retorted. “I’m going to politely decline.” Goddamnit.
So we had to “reframe” our approach to Bjørn: we adjusted our expectations (sure, we can throw a ball 1,000,000,000 times per walk), and invested in one of those mesh boxes that dog owners call crates (because sitting on an unconsenting blind dog’s face all night is not cool). Most of all, we stopped wishing (especially out loud to his face) that he would “be like Bowler”.
Then, something shifted. One night, as Bjørn lay farting on my lap (still lacking in manners somewhat), I realised days had passed without aggravated poop ingestion or GBH to Bowler. We’d even had some sitting when told to “Sit!” (his body trembling with the self-control required to not defy). Still very much not Bowler – but very Bjørn, our Bjørn. And that was enough.
• Sindhu Vee is a comedian, writer and actor. She is taking her show Alphabet to the Edinburgh festival fringe this August.
