Navigating the pitfalls of modern romance? Fear not! The internet is, supposedly, your compass. From The New York Times’ viral 36 questions that lead to love, red flags to avoid (according to worryingly convincing TikTok dating coaches) the ‘new’ rules of attraction, attachment styles to decode and ‘keys’ to a happy relationship to commit to memory. On the flip side, good ex-etiquette appears to be a brief footnote in the grand virtual scheme of things. Instead, we’re relegated to working out the dos and don’ts after (much) trial and error. Baffling, no? When you consider that heartbreak is an essential part of human existence.
To be clear: I’m not here to tell you to be friends with your exes. Good grief, no. I have no time for the idea that being mates with someone you used to date is somehow a signifier of spiritual enlightenment. But there are, of course, situations when connections and warm niceties matter and are welcome. You both agree that you rushed into things but don’t want total platonic erasure, say, or perhaps you work together or share children. In such cases it’s in your interests to be, at the very least, polite.
On the latter score, you could do worse than to take a leaf out of actor Liev Schreiber’s book. In an objectively classy move, Schreiber sent his warm wishes to Naomi Watts, ex-partner and mother of his two sons (Kai, 14, and Sasha, 15, ), after she made her marriage to Gypsy co-star Billy Crudup Instagram official this weekend. His response, a simple and heartfelt, “Congratulations!!! Gorgeous!!!”
It follows a recent trend of celebrities perfecting the art of dignified de-coupling. Social media sleuths will have spotted Travis Scott writing “A beauty” underneath a picture of Kylie Jenner on Instagram, Gwyneth Paltrow’s birthday wishes to Chris Martin and Zach Braff’s sweet throwback pictures of working with former love (and colleague) Florence Pugh. Sometimes it pays to revisit the past.
These gracious, Dr Jekyll-esque, exchanges sit alongside miscalculated moves. The obvious do nots. The Mr Hyde tirades, when someone you once loved is clearly happy with another. I still feel queasy when I think back on Kanye West’s relentless tirades targeting Kim Kardashian and her-then boyfriend, Pete Davidson, last year. That’s a lesson in leaving this fiery emotional hangover for therapy. It’s far cooler, I’d argue, to keep calm and move on.
