The heat is promising to make a brief return this week. I’m not normally one for edicts but high summer is its own beast of a style conundrum and it is a fashion editor’s blessing and curse to be the one to hold you all to account for your outfit decisions. Those are the rules — or in the dictatorial spirit of Carmy from The Bear, non-negotiables — and I am here to reiterate them for you. You’re welcome.
Levels of exposure
In town, one should be dressed properly. Outside of a lido there is no excuse for acres of flesh. Specifically I am thinking of the dismal British trope of a bare-chested man sauntering along the high street. Men, to be clear: no one wants to see your sweaty, shirtless body. Especially on public transport. Nipples for all genders should be kept firmly under wraps. If you are wearing a shirt (appreciate you) then keep an eye on chest unveiling. Unless yours is a perfectly buffed, well-kempt example, unbutton with caution. Too much heavage/cleavage or unleashed chest hair is unwarranted. Excessive flesh in an office is uncouth and uncomfortable for all, especially, I imagine, the chick riffling around in micro shorts on an itchy swivel chair.
Carry-ons
A general point of a cross-seasonal order is that if you carry a rucksack on any variety of public transport, it is your duty as a Londoner to remove this from your shoulders on board. At your feet, away from other passengers please. Similarly that giant woven basket you picked up in Toulon/Oliver Bonas should not take up its own seat. For me, people who instantly appropriate an extra seat for their hand luggage are the very worst of us. I don’t care if it is Loewe: on your lap, thank you.
Shorting issues
Are your shorts a flimsy high summer buy? These are not appropriate for the city, certainly not if one is prone to manspread. Loose and light fabric? Consider the potential slippage exposure. A tailored, just-above-knee short in a crisp, sturdy cotton will keep your dignity and tackle intact.
Denim girth
At Wimbledon I was horrified to find so many men in what I can only describe as the sort of skinny white jeans that Liz Hurley might have worn in 1994. Even if you are Johnny Borrell from the popular Noughties indie sleaze outfit Razorlight these are not acceptable in 2024. If you must dip into the current vogue for a white jean, at the very least it needs to be a loose straight-leg or boot-cut. Watch out for ankle bunching, too. You might need to pop to the dry cleaner for a tailored fit: in this there is nothing but honour.
Sock statistics
Okay, I don’t have any actual statistics on socks. But! Women still committed to floral dresses, white trainers and trainer socks — I respect your complete conviction to the look, however much I and my fellow fashion editors have tried to kill it off. Yet wearing any sock, whether an on-trend pulled-up version or not, is your duty to fellow Londoners. A sockless trainer carries an ungodly stench that will not just rock your marriage/housemate relations, it will rise up like the rotting corpse of a rat stuck in a drain. Be respectful, wear socks.
Creases
Linen is having its usual moment in the variable summer sun. This is to be expected (Cos currently has some excellent examples) and indeed championed. Lovely, lovely, breathable linen. What is less ideal is its propensity to crease. We can’t speculate about the proficiency of ironing in the Knightley-Righton homestead, but Keira (in Chanel) and her husband, the erstwhile Klaxon, James, turned up at the tennis looking in need of a steamer. Bad creasing will ruin a decent outfit and spoil a picture, something to consider for your summer eventing schedule.
Feet
Sigh. In spite of the fact that there are perfectly serviceable nail bars, every year out come the bruised runners’ nails, cracked heels and battered, hairy toed feet. So unpleasant. A pedicure is an absolute non-negotiable. Make it happen. I don’t have huge issues with open toed shoes in office situations when feet are properly cared for. If you cannot manage this then a closed toe (gladiator sandals are very nice) shoe is all you should be reaching for in the morning.
Personal hygiene
Sadly we are not all blessed with the post-Falklands inability to sweat of Prince Andrew. Deodorant exists, use it. Perfume is fine, but don’t over-douse. Hay fever sufferers are sensitive to a pungent scent; it is charitable to think of them and the rest of us. Hyperactive sneezing is endlessly irritating.
Guest list
If you are invited to an occasion where you are expected to dress up, it is your RSVP obligation to do just this. Clean and polish your shoes. Wear a jacket for places of worship. Apply sunscreen to ensure you aren’t a blotchy mess on social media. Reconsider a bold look: do you warrant prominence in the photos? One reason I had a winter wedding was to avoid guests arriving in gaudy high street prints which are an unfortunate aspect of summer nuptials.
Victoria Moss is the fashion director of the Evening Standard and ES magazine
