Not since the ineptly managed Fyre festival of 2017 have I taken such pleasure in the suffering of a group of unbearably obnoxious people.
The origins of Burning Man were pure. Founded nearly 40 years ago by two mates, Larry and Jerry, they decided in a moment of joy and gratitude to burn a wooden man on a beach in California to celebrate the summer solstice. What began as a carefree ritual has inevitably been bastardised over the decades by influencers, tech bros and one percenters. Normal tickets cost between $575 and $2,750 but people can spend up to $20,000 on the week-long festival — though it describes itself as commerce-free. Now, each year, the cynical among us, like me, sneer at the posturing of the “Burners”, as they call themselves. Imagine everyone you would normally avoid at Glastonbury — the “wacky” types — has congregated en masse in one place. Seventy thousand of them, to be precise, in the hot and dusty Nevada desert. Hell on earth, basically.
This year’s event really did look like a version of hell. Not even the wealthy were able to escape
Yet, thanks to an apocalyptic rainstorm, this year’s event really did look like a version of hell. Not even the wealthy were able to escape. Helicopters and private jets were grounded — despite the phone line to one helicopter charter ringing off the hook with rich kids desperate to be evacuated. DJ Diplo and the comedian Chris Rock documented their escape from the festival on TikTok. A six-hour hike brought them to the highway where they hitched a ride with “a fan” as they humbly put it. Inclement weather, the great equaliser.
The unprecedented rainfall turned the alkaline desert sand into thick, gloopy clay which rendered the Burners stranded and, horror, the Portaloos out of service. Attendees were advised to ration food and water. People lost their shoes to the mud and used plastic bags as footwear. There were even rumours, thankfully untrue, of an Ebola outbreak.
Ironically, the motto of Burning Man is “radical self-reliance”. The organisers and evangelists grandly proclaim Burning Man to be a blueprint for a better world, but it turns out even they’re no match for climate change.
