Neither has natural charisma yet the next election is shaping up as a high personal battle between Milk Tray man and the Godiva geek …
It took me a while to work out why the cover of the Labour Party conference programme looked familiar. It wasn’t Wham or indeed any other record sleeve, though it certainly took me back. The black shirt, strong hairline and hard stare off camera resurrected a far more obscure memory of a chocolate advert dating back to the late sixties.
This is a flattering association for Keir Starmer. The Milk Tray man was undeniably cool in his day, the daring stunts often performed by James Bond body doubles, and the commercial voted among the most loved adverts of all time in 2005. An action packed trailer always ended with a satisfied woman handed a box of chocolates and catch line — “and all because the lady loves Milk Tray”.
Keir Starmer, of course, is the man who kicked off Labour conference three years ago saying the next 007 should be a woman, a great pitch to the working class men who deserted Labour at the last election. Starmer, who was recently revealed as the inspiration for the Mr Darcy-esque character in Bridget Jones, has moved on but is it really a given that he will deliver like the Milk Tray man?
Labour will parade a lot of goodies this week, major house building programme, a tech-aided assault on NHS waiting lists, new energy projects with lower bills for anyone whose landscape is blighted by onshore infrastructure and much more. A twist worthy of Ian Fleming was the announcement that Maria Wheeler — once married to Boris Johnson — has accepted a role as a tsar for women harassed in the workplace.
So will we buy it? Cadbury’s withdrew a range of Milk Tray boxes last Christmas because of concerns over their taste. Overall, however, they doubled their profits in 2022 which suggests the British public were pretty partial to the brand despite its rather retro and borderline naff associations.
In 2019 the public bought Boris but then got Truss and now have Rishi — a very different proposition
But given a choice, the lady would surely love Godiva a little more? I know I feel a lot happier taking an overpriced box of truffles to a dinner party than the broad assortment of seemingly random flavours smoothered in milk chocolate here in Britain since 1915. But then I thought Brexit was an act of self harm so I’m out of tune with the swing voters in that red wall that turned blue in 2019.
What they went for then was a unique brand of British bulldog with shaggy hair and shabby suit — New York born, Brussels bred with ancestry across the globe, but unmistakably and irrepressibly pro the U.K. as the best place on the planet. They bought Boris but then got Truss and now have Rishi — a very different proposition.
Dishy Rishi has a lot to offer and oozes high quality, aspiration and hard work, expensive schooling, the best universities, the biggest bank and a very big family bank account. Without setting myself up as a fashion guru I dare say he’s been the most stylish and best dressed of the two men pitching hard to take Britain to the end of this decade. But the polls suggest that Rishi may have been for Christmas but not the next five years.
Last week created some brand confusion too. Whilst I’d love to think my children — like me — would never smoke a cigarette — the liberal in me is anxious about overriding the freedom to make bad choices with a ban. What next from the tee-total PM — booze? Or chocolate? Would defeat of the Milk Tray man lead to punitive taxes or, worse, on the calorific content of his box? We need to know.
Cadbury’s kicked off with a grocer’s store at Bull Street in Birmingham in 1824, and they are proud of their story of investment, care for workers and contribution to society. Last week, Rishi Sunak audaciously invited comparisons between himself and the infamous grocer’s daughter from Grantham, Margaret Thatcher. There’s a big choice to be made and the next few days will hopefully help clarify if Keir Starmer has an attractive offer, or is he and the vision he supposedly has, long past its sell by date.
