One of the countless ways in which humanity is divided is evident at any railway station, viz, between those who turn up for their journey nice and early and those who, try as they may, end up running for the train. I am one of the bad ‘uns; try as I always do to leave home in good time, you could put a bet on me having to run up the escalator at the station Tube and throwing myself at the train as it’s about to leave. Part of this terrifying process is the last minute swift scan of the departure boards...I normally know the departure time, but where, where is the train? At the big stations, there are at least 12 platforms and the split second viewing of the board is the crucial bit of the endeavour.
And now, King’s Cross has had the genius idea of actually removing train departure times from the big boards three minutes before departure. Look, three minutes before departure is when I have often turned up. If a desperate glance at the board did not yield my platform this would not be the end of the story. Oh no. It would be cue for me to pounce on the nearest individual in a uniform and demand a platform number in a tone of rising hysteria. If he was already talking to someone else, it is possible I would forget my convent manners and thrust him or her to one side. But this would take time, whole seconds of time. Otherwise I might go to the platform barrier and beg whoever is manning it for help. If all this failed to yield a platform number in time, I can tell you what would happen: I would burst into tears. Is that what Sir Andrew Haines, chairman of Network Rail, really wants? To make me cry?
The other possibility, of course, is that the aggravated stress of the whole thing gives me heart failure. After the dash up the stairs and the desperate rush to the board, the mounting panic at the non-appearance of a platform number may just see me off. Memo to my friends and relations: if I perish at King’s Cross, having failed to get on a train, you know who to see. He’s called Sir Andrew Haines and he’s in charge of the company that runs the station.
It’s not just me who is beside herself at this frankly sadistic impulse. Other passengers have responded with fury to the assurance from Network Rail that the scheme is designed to stop passengers dashing for trains. A poster for the scheme said: “This is so everyone can board safely and keep trains running on time.”
This proposal will make a bad situation much, much worse
No, Network Rail, it does not. It means that the lucky ones get to board the train; the unlucky ones are running like lunatics around the station. How can I put this? You give us the information; we act on it. OK? It is for us to decide whether we want to make a run for it or not, and mostly we will try our utmost to get on it. Not getting on a Tube is annoying but neither here nor there because there’ll be another shortly. Not getting on the Irish boat train or the Edinburgh express does matter because there won’t be another one for ages and your non-flexible ticket won’t be valid on it. And you will only have yourselves to blame if passengers, maddened by the news that there train is there somewhere but no one knows where, take out their frustration on staff who are manifestly not to blame.
Quite a few passengers have pointed out that in any event, platform information is often given out just minutes before the train leaves. That means that the lucky few who do get to see where their train is leaving in time to get on it will have just a minute or two to register the information. And there is already no more pathetic huddle of humanity than the crowds standing in front of a platform departure board to find out in what direction they should sprint. Obviously the prize will always go to the young men with backpacks who run fastest.
And may I say, it’s already hellish rushing for a train at King’s Cross because the platform barriers that greet the poor soul running for a train from the Underground are all designed for passengers leaving the station; you will have to waste whole minutes finding the barriers that allow you to get onto a platform.
This proposal will make a bad situation much, much worse. It is, as many passengers have already pointed out, patronising, based as it is on the assumption that Network Rail knows what’s best for us. Enraged rail users’ first port of call should be Sir Andrew Haines, the Chief Executive of Network Rail, followed by the Transport Secretary, Heidi Alexander. Maybe the Mayor might help. There are thousands of us out there, people who catch trains at the last minute. Our plight is already pitiful. Do not make it worse. This frightful proposal is plainly designed by people who hate humanity, smug, bossyboots who probably travel by some other mode of transport. There are not many things that would make that put-upon group, London’s rail users, actually take to the barricades but this might just be it.
Melanie McDonagh is a London Standard columnist
