UNTIED
Blackburn Rovers 1995-96, Manchester United 2005-06, Manchester City 2012-13. Before this week’s events, this was the complete list of Premier League teams to have finished bottom of their Big Cup group. This season, two English clubs have ended up bottom of the pile, wrapping up their European adventures before Football Daily had wrapped up/bought/thought about buying any Christmas presents. Oh Uniteds! Newcastle followed Manchester into the Big Cup Hall of Shame on Wednesday night; the Magpies’ campaign did not come close to the “we’re-gonna-concede-one-more-than-you”, out-of-control-clown-car escapades of Erik ten Hag’s side, but in its own way was just as disappointing.
With 35 minutes left to play, Newcastle had a two-goal buffer of sorts, leading Milan through Joelinton’s strangely understated fizzer while PSG trailed at Dortmund. And then came the double sucker punch: PSG levelled in Germany before Milan’s Christian Pulisic added the second blow to the solar plexus to level the scores at St James’ Park. It was classic Big Cup cruelty, waiting for the moment Newcastle fans finally began to believe before pulling the rug from under them with a flourish.
In a painful further twist, PSG ended up settling for a draw, after Kylian Mbappé was denied by Niklas Süle’s telescopic leg and Uefa’s cybernetic offside detector. Newcastle paid the price for failing Rule 1 of group-stage escape: if you need to win your game, win your game. Rule 2 goes something like this: if you miss out on qualifying to a team you thumped 4-1 in the second game, something has clearly gone awry.
While Football Daily worked out who to root for in a battle of Saudi, Qatari and US investors, Samuel Chukwueze’s fine late finish allowed Milan to take third place and force Newcastle out of the Big Vase funnel. Well, who cares about that, you might ask. But hold on – rival fans enjoying a good laugh at Manchester and Newcastle United’s expense might want to think about The Coefficient. Please, won’t somebody think of The Coefficient? Both teams exiting Europe in December leaves the Best League In The World™ trailing the Bundesliga and Serie A in the race for a fifth spot in the weird new Bigger Cup format next season. It’s a blow for the likes of Tottenham, currently fifth in the Premier League, and the two teams directly below them – oh, it’s Manchester United and Newcastle.
In order to squeeze five English teams into Big Cup next terms, Big Vase/Pot progress this season may be crucial. Those group stages wrap up later today, with Brighton and Liverpool (Vase) and Aston Villa (Pot) already through to the knockouts. That’s no excuse for Premier League fans of all stripes not to gather round their televisions and cheer every goal to the rafters. Do you want a resourceful, overachieving club like Bologna getting Our League’s extra place? Because that’s what could happen. While the Premier League flaps about to try and get back on its perch, four Spanish clubs have advanced to Monday’s Big Cup last-16 tombola as group winners. All four are also playing catch-up in La Liga to leaders Girona, a satellite team in the Manchester City universe. Football: still a funny old game.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join Sarah Rendell for piping hot Women’s Big Cup action at Stamford Bridge: Chelsea 2-2 Häcken as the Blues attempt to leapfrog the Swedish side to the top of Group D. Elsewhere Niall McVeigh (and later Will Unwin) will helm a Big Vase/Pot clockwatch, taking in such delights as Union Saint-Gilloise 0-3 Liverpool, Brighton 1-1 Marseille, West Ham 1-2 Freiburg and Real Betis 4-1 Rangers.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I want Bournemouth to play in Europe – that’s our goal. It’s not going to be easy but I’m confident we can get there. Brighton are a great inspiration, they do a terrific job. I certainly think we can be in Europe within five years” – a couple of good results and Cherries chairman Bill Foley, an American billionaire, has got this whole footy business figured out. Just don’t tell Todd Boehly, Bill!
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
“Wonderful predictions in yesterday’s Daily – presumably by Rob Smyth – for Wednesday Night’s Big Cup scores, spoiled only by a late-ish consolation goal by Justine Kielland for Brann. Any tips for the weekend’s fixtures, Rob?” – Richie Philpott.
“There are at least 36 Masters Degree courses in football management on offer in the UK. I’d suggest that question 1 on their final exam papers should read: ‘Football matches in the Championship continue to function perfectly well without VAR. Discuss’” – Mick Beeby.
“Re yesterdays Football Daily: “Rashford and Anthony Martial missed last night’s game through illness after standing around in the cold for too long at St James’ Park.” Hopefully Manuel Neuer doesn’t fall ill after standing around in the cold at Old Trafford” – Thomas Lund Hansen.
Send any letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Thomas Lund Hansen, who gets a copy of Reign of the Lionesses, published by Pitch Publishing. Visit their brilliant football book store here.
This is an extract from our daily football email … Football Daily. To get the full version, just visit this page and follow the instructions.
