Meg Ryan leaves house, faces instant misogyny
Oh no, it’s happened again. Every now and again a famous woman over the age of 45 has the temerity to go out in public without following The Rules of Ageing While Female and all hell breaks loose. This time the offender is Meg Ryan. The 61-year-old actor attended a documentary screening in New York this week, sparking immediately scrutiny from all the usual tabloids about her appearance and how much plastic surgery she might have had. Both the Daily Mail and Page Six declared Ryan “unrecognizable” in their headlines. Which is weird, because they clearly recognized her.
Anyway, since so many people seem to be unaware of how to age in a tabloid-friendly manner, a quick recap of The Rules. First and foremost, ladies, remember that you need to age gracefully and naturally. But not too naturally. Not so naturally that you get wrinkles and grey hair and actually look your age. Yuck! Not like that. No, you need to age naturally in a way that makes it looks like you haven’t aged at all. You need to age in a way which makes it seem like you’re still youthful enough for Leonardo DiCaprio to consider dating. Which, unless you have a portrait in an attic somewhere or are half-vampire, probably means getting plastic surgery.
Which takes us to rule number two: if you get surgery, you need your surgery to look completely effortless. You don’t want your face to scream: “I’ve just spent the GDP of a small country on my fillers!” You don’t want anyone to suspect you’ve had work done because, come on, that’s just tragic. Remember, women are supposed to age gracefully and naturally and surgery is neither of those things.
Finally, rule number three. If you are incapable of ageing in a way that would please a committee consisting of the Daily Mail, the New York Post, Piers Morgan and Don Lemon then DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. Ageing inappropriately in a public space is just very bad form if you’re a woman. (If you’re a man, of course, things are different: you’re a silver fox who only gets better with every passing year!)
Got all that? Good. The Rules are really very simple. I’m not sure why so many women have a hard time with them. Ryan, after all, is not the first woman whose face has caused a tabloid frenzy this year. A few weeks ago, Page Six ran a headline stating: “Bridget Fonda unrecognizable during rare outing 20 years after quitting acting.” The Daily Mail ran an almost identical headline. There is nothing tabloids seem to enjoy more than recognizing famous women and promptly proclaiming her unrecognizable.
And then of course there’s all the furor over Madonna’s face. Earlier this year, Madonna’s appearance at the Grammys caused intense speculation about how much cosmetic surgery she’d had done. Piers Morgan, never one to miss a chance to indulge in some casual misogyny, shared a closeup photo of the 64-year-old pop legend with the caption: “I thought Halloween was in October.” Madonna responded to the chatter about her looks with a scathing statement on Instagram about being caught, once again, “in the glare of ageism and misogyny that permeates the world we live in … A world that refuses to celebrate women past the age of 45.”
There is, as should be very clear by now, simply no way to win as a woman. So don’t even bother trying to age gracefully. “It’s much better to age disgracefully!” Helen Mirren told Vogue a few years ago. “Take it on the chin, and roll with it. You die young, or you get older. There is nothing in between! You may as well enjoy it.” And if you don’t enjoy it, then whatever you do, don’t frown: that leaves terrible marks.
Women-only housing for Britain’s new class of handmaids
There is, according to Women’s Pioneer Housing, “no region in England where a single woman on an average woman’s salary can afford to rent a private-sector home of her own”. Don’t miss this fascinating column from Zoe Williams on a new housing experiment in London that tackles this issue with a questionable solution: a tower block that only gives tenancies to single women, prioritizing victims of domestic abuse and black and minority ethnic women.
Ninety years since the first Tampax, why aren’t there better menstrual products?
The first modern tampon designed by Tampax was patented in 1931 – since then menstruation innovation has moved at a glacial pace.
Two women rescued nine years after Chibok schoolgirls abduction
Hauwa Maltha and Esther Marcus, both 26, were among 276 schoolgirls abducted by Boko Haram in 2014. Nearly 100 of these girls are still missing.
Is sex in space being taken seriously by the emerging space tourism sector?
A paper by researchers at Cranfield University concludes that it isn’t but it ought to be. “It is unrealistic to assume all future space tourists will abstain from sexual activities – opening the possibility of human conception and the early stages of human reproduction occurring in space,” the researchers state.
The weight bias against women in the workforce
Numerous studies show that women are economically penalized for their weight. An increase of 10% in a woman’s body mass decreased her income by 6%, according to one analysis. “These penalties have not only increased over the past few decades, but continue to increase as women age,” NPR reports. Meanwhile some studies suggest that white males seen as overweight actually earn more. Currently there isn’t any legislation in the US that protects weight-based discrimination but some lawmakers are trying to change that.
The week in phallicarchy
A 30ft penis was mowed into the lawn at Bath’s posh Royal Crescent, just days before a coronation party was due to be held on it. No doubt this will rub royalists the wrong way but I’m sure most revelers raising a glass to King Charles will manage to keep a stiff upper lip.
