If you’re one of the people who love thy neighbor, consider yourself lucky. One survey found that 48% of people only interact with their neighbors once a month or less, and nearly a third rarely interact with them. Many will go to great lengths to avoid seeing the person or people next door at all.
One way to distance yourself and enforce boundaries is to build a fence. But sometimes it creates even more drama. Especially if your annoying neighbor takes issue with the building plan. One person has found themselves stuck in a living nightmare after the elderly woman next door became erratic about their new fence. She’s gone as far as calling the cops to report them for stealing her property. And the family has no clue how to calm her down. Bored Panda reached out to etiquette expert Rosalinda Randall for advice on how to deal with neighbors from hell.
Building a fence around your property can help increase your privacy and security
Image credits: Getty Images / envato (not the actual photo)
But one family has hit a brick wall after their neighbor accused them of stealing her land
Image credits: sedrik2007 / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Genuh
“Stop obsessing”: an etiquette expert’s advice to both neighbors
Etiquette expert Rosalinda Randall believes the neighbors are caught in an unhealthy loop of obsession with each other. She thinks the family building the wall should get on with it and worry less about the elderly woman. Here’s her advice to them: “You are too preoccupied about her ongoing crazy behavior. Stop obsessing. You’re playing her game in a roundabout way by continuously monitoring your video camera and peeking out your window to see what she’s doing and whom she is talking to. The police have been notified, and it has been determined that you are within your rights. You have the records to prove it.”
Randall says they should just let the woman keep pacing, talking to neighbors, and staring at the fence posts. “Has her gossip caused you trauma? Do your neighbors make rude comments as they walk by your property? If not, continue your normal interactions with your neighbors. I bet they already know who is on the right side of the fence,” she suggested. The expert added that while offering the woman a key was a kind gesture and a way to appease her, “it is rarely a good idea to give keys to your property.”
We asked Randall what she’d say to the elderly woman. “Your neighbors have been more than patient with your complaints and inquiries, as have the police department. If you doubt the decision that your neighbors haven’t done anything illegal, request a copy of the report, hire the city surveyor, or go to your local County Clerk Recorder’s office for an assessor’s map. And then leave them alone,” she replied.
Randall warns that seeking sympathy or attempting to cause discord among neighbors may backfire when they learn the truth. “Often gossip becomes a bore and so will you,” she cautioned.
She adds that the family building the fence have gone above and beyond in explaining their plans, speaking to the realtor, offering the woman a key and they’ve endured the embarrassment of being questioned by the police. “My heartfelt advice is to drop it,” Randall said. “Consider extending an apology and reestablish a civil relationship.”
The expert added that the woman should look at the fence as a “neighborly” investment. “Living alone as you do, isn’t it wise to be surrounded by people who care about you? A fence post placement won’t matter when you need help because the power goes out or you can’t get to the market when you’re sick.”
We asked Randall for some general advice on dealing with neighbors from hell. “Engaging in a calm and productive manner is the first step in opening the door to communication,” she advised. “However, when the neighbor has a different approach, disengage.”
She cautioned that one should not involve other neighbors unless they’re experiencing the same thing. “Depending on the level of crazy or issue at hand, document and contact your city’s mediator. Unfortunately, a small matter can quickly turn into a violent outburst.”
The expert adds that sometimes, kindness is key. “You can also be as friendly as you can be, bake them some muffins or invite them to dinner. Sometimes, people who holler the loudest are the loneliest.”
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