Jemma Zoezee fought so hard to be happy, but in the end her family said the sadness and heartache of three miscarriages "was just too much to bear". Now, those closest to her are determined to help others not suffer in silence after the young care coordinator's sudden death shortly before Christmas.
They want to carry on Jemma's legacy by raising money for the same charity she supported - Tommy's - which carries out vital research into miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth.
Jemma was just over three months pregnant when she lost her first child. The 26-year-old, from Conwy, had always adored children and dreamed of becoming a mum herself, but this and two further miscarriages saw her mental health spiral and on December 16, she died suddenly. You can get more local news and other story updates straight to your inbox by subscribing to our newsletters here.
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Her devoted brother Asa said: "The first miscarriage destroyed Jemma. There was very little support for her. When you are down, and then have to dive even deeper into your emotions it can be difficult. We just really wish she felt she could navigate through how she was was feeling, but there is very little professional support there.
"There was no proactive support for her after the miscarriages. No-one explained to her why she kept losing her babies, and the effect mentally put her under an immense amount of pressure. I would speak to her on the phone for hours, but after the first miscarriage we had lost a part of Jemma. I am so proud of Jem for how hard she fought to be happy, but in the end, her sadness was too much to bear. Children brought so much happiness to Jem's life, but the pain of losing her babies was too much for her.."
Asa has now set up a fundraising page to raise money to help Jemma's husband Tony cover funeral costs, with the rest being donated to Tommy's.
He said: "After the first miscarriage, Tony ran 100 miles in a week to raise money for Tommy's. Jemma had done lots of research and they had decided that was the best charity to support, so we wanted to carry that on for Jemma. It would have been what she wanted."
Explaining at the time why he was fundraising, he said: "It’s especially difficult as many couples who go through the loss of a baby, suffer in silence. This can result in feelings of loneliness and isolation, when you really just need someone to say, ‘it’s okay not to be okay’. Which is why we think it is so important to bring awareness to a subject many don’t talk about and encourage those who are struggling to talk to a charity like Tommy’s."
The family are now intent on carrying on that fundraising in the hope that it will help other couples.
Asa added: "Jemma adored children and always had done. I can remember her when we were young and at events with friends and family, she would be surrounded by children, carrying children around who were almost the same size as her.
"When she was still at school she started nannying for a couple, they only met Jemma for half an hour and knew they could entrust the safety of their baby with her. She was a complete natural and stayed with the family until the little girl started nursery. She is in secondary school now, and they still kept in touch.
"She was a big part of so many people's childhood from her nanny jobs over the years, working in nurseries and then she met the (second) love of her life, our daughter, Ava-Skye." Jemma adored her niece and would tell Asa that she was "one of the only things keeping me going".
"I would say to her that it was amazing that she had that power, but that we were there to help and support her too," added Asa. "But Jemma just seemed unable to get herself out of that hole."
The family are now trying to come to terms with life without her. Her brother said: "We love her so much. We miss you everyday. Ava still asks to call 'jemjem'. We will never be the same without her. We wake up every morning hoping this was just a horrible dream. But Jem is not hurting anymore, we just wish we could have done more."
If you can help, the GoFundMe page is here.
The Samaritans can be reached 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. If you need a response immediately, it’s best to call them on the phone. You can reach them by calling 116 123, by emailing jo@samaritans.org or by visiting www.samaritans.org.
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