A nurse accused of murdering seven babies wrote: “I AM EVIL I DID THIS”, a court heard today.
The note was found at the home of Lucy Letby after her arrest.
It continued: “I don’t deserve to live. I killed them on purpose because I’m not good enough. I am a horrible evil person.”
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Letby, 32, denies killing five boys and two girls and the attempted murder of five boys and five girls at the Countess of Chester Hospital in Cheshire between June 2015 and June 2016, Mirror UK reports.
The jury in her trial at Manchester crown court were today told Letby had been moved away from the neo-natal unit and given clerical duties after senior medics raised their suspicions.
A police investigation was launched and in July 2018 Letby was arrested at her home in Chester.
During a search of the property, detectives found paperwork relating to many of her alleged victims.
They also found a series of post-it notes, on which were written the names of some of her colleagues.
Other words included: “Why/how has this happened - what process has led to the current situation. What allegations have been made and by who? Do they have written evidence to support their comments?”
She also expressed her frustration at not being able to work on the neo-natal unit, writing: “ I haven’t done anything wrong and they have no evidence so why do I have to hide away?”
Prosecutor Nick Johnson also said there were “many protestations of innocence”.
But on another piece of paper she had written: “I don’t deserve to live. I killed them on purpose because I’m not good enough. I am a horrible evil person.”
And in capital letters: “I AM EVIL I DID THIS”.
The jury were shown the note, allegedly written by Letby, which also included a large collection of words and phrases including: “I will never have children or marry”, “There are no words”, "Kill myself", “I can’t breathe”, “I haven’t done anything wrong”, “How can I get through it? and “I am an awful person”.
She had also written "Hope", "Panic", "Fear", and in capital letters, the word "HATE".
Prosecutor Nick Johnson is expected to finish opening the crown’s case this morning.
Yesterday the jury heard Letby, originally from Hereford, targeted two sets of newborn twins in "similar circumstances".
In August 2015, the Crown say she murdered Child E by injecting air into his bloodstream and the next day attempted to murder his brother, Child F, by insulin poisoning.
On April 9 2016, Letby was working a day shift when she is said to have given an unauthorised dose of insulin to Child L.
While that attack was under way, said prosecutor Nick Johnson KC, she turned her attentions to his brother, Child M, by administering air into his circulation.
Mr Johnson said: "By this time Lucy Letby was supposed only to be working day shifts because the consultants were concerned about the correlation between her presence and unexpected deaths and life-threatening episodes on the night shifts."
When Letby's home in Chester was searched two years later, a number of medical notes were found.
The prosecutor said she denied that Child M's notes - in which she had noted about his collapse - were taken home as "a souvenir".
Mr Johnson said: "We suggest these cases (Child E,F,L and M) are similar in that one of each pair suffered an insulin overdose whereas it is suggested the other suffered an air embolism.
"What are the chances of that happening innocently? We suggest coincidences like that simply do not happen innocently."
The jury also heard on Wednesday how Letby had sent a sympathy card to the grieving parents of a baby girl she is also accused of murdering.
The nurse is alleged to have made four attempts to murder Child I before she finally succeeded.
Mr Johnson said that victim was an "extreme example even by the standards of this overall case".
In one incident a fellow nurse recalled Letby standing in the doorway of a darkened room and remarked the baby looked pale.
The fellow nurse went in and saw Child I "appeared to be at the point of death and was not breathing".
Mr Johnson said the baby recovered but "ironically" Letby then became Child I's designated nurse and on the next night was "brought back from the brink of death", the court heard.
After the baby died, the prosecutor said Letby came into the room as her heartbroken mum bathed the body and was "smiling and kept going on about how she was present at (Child I's) first bath and how much (Child I) had loved it".
The trial continues.
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