Nottingham Forest’s Jesse Lingard has opened up about his struggles with depression during his time at Manchester United.
The England international had fallen out of favour at Old Trafford during the 2019-20 season and described himself as being on “autopilot” for months, prior to the first coronavirus lockdown period in March 2020. In a candid interview with The Guardian , Lingard, 29, said that at times he would drink during the week in an attempt to “try and take the pain away”.
His battle with depression came at a time when he was caring for two of his younger siblings as his mother faced her own struggles with mental health. The Forest midfielder admitted that he considered taking a break from football as he looked for ways to avoid the level of scrutiny that comes with being a professional footballer.
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“I was having conversations with people and I was just like: ‘Yeah. OK. Yeah.’ Nothing would register. It would go in one ear and out the other. I was numb and I wanted to be in that numb state where I didn’t have to feel anything,” Lingard explained.
“Nobody really knew about my struggles off the pitch so they think: ‘You’re a footballer, you live in a nice house, you’ve got money, you can deal with anything.’ But when it’s someone’s health and well being – it’s a different situation. We’re all human.”
Lingard points to abuse he received from some Man United fans in March 2020 after an FA Cup win over Derby County as the moment he considered stepping away from the pitch. Meanwhile, at home, the previously fun-loving character became quiet, a trait that was reflected by his performances on the pitch
“You feel like everything is closing in on you,” Lingard continued. “All the weight is on your shoulders. You feel closed up. You don’t want the ball, you are hiding away from the ball. That’s never been me.”
On his desire to momentarily quit football, he added: “I wanted to stop completely and have a break and just be at home. I didn’t want to be on the pitch and have all that scrutiny. You lose a ball and it’s more pressure.”
It was during the first lockdown that Lingard eventually began to take the first steps towards recovery, one that was typified by his electric return to form while on loan at West Ham in 2021. Lingard subsequently worked with Channel 4 on a documentary about the tough period in his life, which airs on Tuesday, as he wants to raise awareness around mental health problems.
“If lockdown didn’t happen, I don’t know what situation I’d be in because I needed that rest to really look at myself again, to reignite that fire in my belly and work out what was wrong with me,” Lingard said. “It was a turning point.
“I guarantee that many, many people will be going through depression, especially in football, which is such a mentally draining sport. For me, it was about opening up and speaking about it. You’re never going to be judged because you’re a man and you’re talking about mental health and your feelings. You’re not soft for it.”
Untold: The Jesse Lingard Story will be available to watch on All 4 from Tuesday, November 15.
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