Remember last week, when you heard that there was going to be an Australian remake of The Office? Remember how your first instinct upon hearing the news was “Wow, television must really be in a bad place if someone is actually considering an international remake of a 23-year-old sitcom that already exists in two definitive forms”?
Well, I’m sorry to inform you that you were premature. It might be foolish to remake The Office, but it isn’t stupid. No, what would be stupid were if a British production company was to pitch a remake of Cheers. That would essentially be an outright admission of defeat from the entire television industry as a whole.
Anyway, a British production company has pitched a remake of Cheers.
This week, Deadline reported that Big Talk had drafted in Simon Nye to write a version of Cheers set in Britain, and is in the early stages of pitching it to broadcasters “after being permitted to develop an adaptation alongside CBS Studios”. If you squint, from just the right angle and distance, and completely let go of all sense of logic, this does make sense. Cheers was a very popular show. Big Talk has made – and continues to make – some brilliant television. Nye is a gifted writer who now specialises in thoughtful, modern adaptations of classic works. If everything aligns it could be a dream come true.
But this is Cheers, for crying out loud. Cheers. Potentially, when everything turns to dust and rubble, our distant descendants will pick through the dirt and realise that Cheers was the most perfect sitcom ever made. They’ll look at everything that came after it, from Seinfeld to Friends to The Office, and realise that Cheers represented a foundational piece of all their core DNA. If you make sitcoms, Cheers is the water you swim in. Is it conceivable to think that anyone can improve on Cheers? No.
Also, it was popular. Wildly popular. Tell a modern broadcaster the sort of ratings that Cheers got in its heyday and they would instantly keel over with jealousy. For eight of its 11 seasons it was one of the Top 10 most watched television shows in the US, and its ninth season was the most watched altogether, with between 20 and 30 million people watching every episode. What’s more, NBC estimates that the final episode of Cheers was watched by 93 million Americans.
In fairness, this all happened during a time of limited choice, where households had to watch whatever the networks decided to show at the time. These days, when viewers are granted unlimited non-linear choice, a show is deemed a success if 1 or 2 million people tune in. So is it conceivable to think that this version will be more popular than the original? No.
Plus, Cheers is a thoroughly American show. An American bar is vastly different to a British pub, in terms of mood and setting and clientele. There’s something a bit more mournful about a pub, something a bit more stale and hostile, especially if – like Cheers – you’re setting an entire show about the people who habitually frequent the place. If you want to make a show that’s true to the spirit of Cheers but set in Britain, it would immediately ring false. But if you wanted to make a show about a British pub, you’d end up with Early Doors. And Early Doors is already brilliant, so why remake that?
Plus, if there’s one industry that’s in more trouble than television at the moment, it’s the pub industry. According to the Campaign for Real Ale, 29 pubs are closing every week in the UK. There are various factors to this – the cost of living crisis, the relative cheapness of supermarket alcohol, generational drinking trends – but the fact is that the pub no longer represents the communal hub it once did. Making a programme about a pub in 2024 is basically the same as printing a magazine about dry stone walling. No matter how you approach it, it just isn’t relevant.
This country is full of comedy writers. All of them have a sitcom they want to pitch. Most of them are probably rubbish. But at least they’re original. Taking up an increasingly precious broadcast spot with an irrelevant, less funny, less popular, culturally indistinct remake of a show that hasn’t been in production for over three decades isn’t just desperate, but cruel. It is the bad idea to end all bad ideas.
