You may think some people are born negotiators. But negotiation is actually a learned skill that takes careful study.
Even if you dread it and don't think you're good at it, you can gain mastery in negotiation with diligent practice. Experience breeds confidence.
The best negotiators prepare by gathering facts, understanding whom they're up against and prioritizing what matters most. They anticipate what might happen and what they'll say and do if certain scenarios unfold.
"Negotiation is all about creativity, flexibility and collaboration," said Tim Castle, author of "The Art Of Negotiation." "The mistake that many people make is they let their emotions take control when under pressure, and view it through a combative lens."
To navigate tricky, high-stakes negotiation, gird for challenges. How do you haggle successfully while maintaining a good relationship with the other side?
Replace Anxiety With Curiosity
If you're tense about having to negotiate, your anxiety may cloud your ability to think clearly, capture details and speak with conviction. Approaching the negotiation with a hunger to learn can redirect your thoughts productively.
"Be genuinely curious," said Singapore-based author Castle, founder of the School Of Success, an online training program. "Understand that it's a fact-finding mission" by asking friendly questions to uncover the other person's needs, wants and values, he said.
Slow Down In Negotiation
Attentive listeners make good negotiators. And you can't listen if you're dominating the conversation.
"Speak slower," Castle said. Reducing your vocal tempo gives others a chance to chime in. They may offer an olive branch or accidentally reveal what they're trying to hide.
Respond, Don't React
Canny opponents might try to bait you into reacting emotionally. How? They may insult you or make outlandish or inflammatory comments.
Don't fall for it. Instead, hold your ground and maintain your composure. "If they try to trigger you, mentally count to two before you choose to respond," Castle said. "It's all a mindset game," and you'll win by exhibiting unshakable confidence and poise despite whatever they throw at you.
Brace For Disappointment In Negotiation
No matter how well you prepare and how raptly you listen, you can run into a buzz saw. Bullying negotiators may seek to pummel you into submission — or simply refuse to cooperate.
"You need to develop the ability to face rejection, (accept) it and find new information through that rejection that helps you get around it," Castle said. "You build that muscle through exposure therapy" where you confront rejection without letting it faze you.
Know Everyone's Goals
Prepare to negotiate by listing your goals — and the other person's goals. That's not as easy as it sounds.
"To figure out what the other side wants, do your due diligence," said Jotham S. Stein, author of "Negotiate Like A CEO." Research what they've done before, the business and market conditions they face and other deals they've signed.
Stage A Dress Rehearsal
Before a big negotiation, practice to boost your communication skills.
"That can be looking in the mirror and speaking to yourself," said Stein, an attorney in Palo Alto, Calif. "Or it can involve talking it through (with a trusted ally) where you list the bullet points of your goal and the other side's bullet points."
Expect Surprises In Negotiation
Savvy negotiators take unpredictable twists in stride. They bob and weave without losing their focus on the desired outcome.
"Explore the decision tree so that you think through what the other side is thinking" and map out various scenarios, Stein said. "This reduces the (likelihood) that you'll be surprised. Surprise can be bad if it throws you off, but it can be good if you're good on your feet and turn it into a win."
