My boyfriend has been searching for my G-spot for weeks. He has tried every angle, but whenever he does, it feels really uncomfortable – almost like being constipated. He tried using a vibrator with different settings, but I still didn’t feel very much. In fact I laughed as it was funny to see how desperate we have become. I try touching myself, but even then I can’t manage to orgasm. I don’t even look forward to sex any more.
If you turn sex into a task or challenge, it will never be satisfying. A thrilling erotic connection between people rarely occurs when the focus of sex becomes performing well, achieving a goal or having that elusive experience your friends or the media said you should have. I’m glad you have started to find this funny, because that will help you to relax. The anxiety that accompanies the way you are both approaching sex will prevent you from achieving the main point of sex: pleasure. Stop trying so hard. Simply have un-pressured fun together and allow good feelings to arise in a natural way.
Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
