I could say that the atmosphere was electric at the launch of this e-scooter, or that the background music at the tech presentation was AC/DC, or even that it has potential to lead the charge to a green future.
But obviously I won’t.
Instead I’m going to talk about wheels. There was a time when scooter wheels were the size of pound coins, which combined with the fact that the weight of the engine was over the back wheel, gave them the handling of a demented blancmange, except less precise.
Since then, machines like the Yamaha TMax, with 15in wheels, a central engine and a separate swingarm, handle just like motorbikes, and superscoots such as the Suzuki Burgman can laugh off motorway speeds with gay abandon.
So I was as happy as a dog with a tennis ball as I walked up to the Chinese-made NIU MQi GT EVO and worked out that the wheels were 14in by using my incredible bloke superpowers. And also by asking Andy the PR guy.
Even better, the hefty batteries are in the middle, thus centralising the mass, and can be lifted out and swapped for fresh ones rather than spending five hours charging them.
So far, so good, and it got even better when I climbed aboard, subjected the seat to the standard Mirror bounce test, and found it splendidly plush, and with enough legroom up front for any normal 6ft 7ins scooterist.
The mirrors are reasonably good, and the simple dash tells you all the need to know – speed, battery life and which of the three modes you’re in, E-Save, Dynamic or Sport.
Mind you, with a mere 7bhp on tap, I suspected Sport might be pushing it a bit.
Setting off is just as simple. Press the red button on the keyless ignition fob, stick it in your pocket, twist the throttle and off you go.
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I started off in E-Save just out of interest, since Eco mode in electric scooters may mean that polar bears line your route to applaud you, but it also means they’ve plenty of time to applaud, since it usually makes acceleration as languid as a cremated slug.
However, E-Save mode on this limits the top speed, so acceleration is surprisingly nippy up to 30mph, at which point that’s your lot, which at least gives the polar bears further down the road plenty of time to get their smartphones out.
Dynamic is slightly more nippy, with top speed limited to 47mph, and Sport is best of all, whizzing me all the way to a surprising 68mph on the speedo, at which point I blacked out due to the G-forces and lack of oxygen.
It’s even more surprising given that the manufacturer claims top speed is only 62mph.
Handling, with those 14in wheels, the batteries in the middle and an overall weight of only 128kg, is delightfully agile, although maybe not quite so much if you and your better half test the impressive maximum load of 275kg rider and passenger.
With linked brakes, slowing is nicely swift and stable, and the firm but pliant suspension is perfect for the state of roads today.
Charging time is five hours, or just swap the batteries out, and if you’re grabbing one on a PCP deal, it’s a very affordable £250 deposit and £88.13 a month.
There’s actually something quite glorious about whizzing along on a scooter, especially an electric one – swishing along in blissful silence with not a care in the world like which gear to be in, when to declutch or even which brake to use, since they’re linked.
Your only mild anxiety is how much battery life you have left, but just as the manufacturer is being modest with top speed, I think it’s also being modest with a claimed range of 46 miles, since after 30 miles or so of spirited riding in Sport mode, my battery was still showing 58%.
All in all, I’m happy to give it a plug as currently the best electric scooter I’ve ridden.
Whoops, sorry about that. I knew an electric pun would sneak in there somewhere.
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