I was speaking to my dentist the other day. Well, I say speaking, but it was more of an incomprehensible mumble as he chiselled at a bothersome premolar in the same way that Fred Dibnah used to hammer away at the bricks of a disused chimney stack.
Anyway, said dentist was talking about the repair jobs he’s had to perform on patients with so-called Turkey teeth.
These are the dental tourists who hopped over to Turkey to get some cut-price veneers, returned home with a set of gnashers so breathtakingly bright, it was like a nuclear bomb had just been detonated in their mouths, before the slap-dash work unravelled and they were left with unsightly, stubby fangs that resembled a badly carved tumshie lantern.
To be honest, I thought Turkey teeth was an affliction suffered by my guests after they’d tried to chomp through my roast bird offering on Christmas day during a formidable culinary test of endurance that was broadly equivalent to munching into an unyielding clump of vulcanised rubber.
Apparently today, January 14, is the Feast of the Ass. But this particular ass served up his on December 25. That’s why I’ve been at the ruddy dentist.
Here in the pristine, polished world of professional golf, where teeth can be so gleaming it’s as if certain players get paid in square-feet of enamel, there’s not been much to smile about for the young Spaniard, Eugenio Lopez-Chacarra.
Those of you who absorb golf and golfers with eager, wide-ranging devotion are probably aware of Chacarra.
The casual observers among you, who perhaps rely on this column for a weekly dose of insight and illumination – jeez, good luck – are possibly muttering, “Eugenio whit?”
Well, Chacarra was a former world amateur No 2 who was a standout at Oklahoma University before turning pro and signing with LIV Golf almost three years ago.
At the time, Chacarra, the first amateur star to make the leap to LIV in its frenzied recruitment drive, said the deal was “irrejectable.” No wonder.
Whatever signing on fee he got, Chacarra also earned some $16 million in prize money on the LIV gravy train. Imagine the Turkey teeth you could get for that?
Here in 2025, Chacarra has been jettisoned from LIV after a poor 2024 and is now back to square one. His mighty LIV earnings will ensure that it’s not quite back to the auld claes and porridge, mind you.
In an interview with Flushing it Golf, he made his feelings clear about his LIV experience.
"I see what it’s like to win on the PGA Tour and how your life changes,” Chacarra said. “On LIV, nothing changes, there is only money.
“It doesn’t matter if you finish 30th or first, only money. I’m not a guy who wants more money. What will change my life is qualifying for the majors, qualifying for the Ryder Cup.
“When I joined LIV, they promised OWGR (world ranking points) and majors. But it didn’t happen. I trusted them.”
He wasn’t the first to fall for that one. Money can buy you many things. But it can’t buy you sporting fulfilment.
Now 24, Chacarra is set for life financially. Professionally, though, it remains to be seen where he goes from here.
He has a PGA Tour suspension to serve until September, but he seems bullish and motivated to start afresh, put in the hard yards and work his way up through golf’s traditional competitive meritocracy.
Can he regain the form that made him one of the game’s hottest prospects and led to a couple of pro wins before his fortunes – on the course, not in his bank account – nose-dived?
Or will he drift away into obscurity, as the divided men’s game remains mired in stalemate, and be left to reflect on the what-ifs, maybes and might-have-beens while consoling himself with loads of dosh?
Some will say, “well, we told you so.” Chacarra’s lament concerning LIV being only about the money is as blindingly obvious as someone saying, “look folks, the sun is rising in the east.”
Since LIV came barging onto the scene, the detractors have roared that it offers nothing but flabbergasting riches. Chacarra has become the first LIV recruit to basically say what the critics have been yelling all along. It all comes home to roost.
In some ways, Chacarra’s plight is a cautionary tale. Until the men’s game sorts itself out, LIV and those on it will continue to exist in isolation.
The impressive young Northern Irishman, Tom McKibbin, is the latest name to be linked with a big money move to the Saudi-backed series.
The 22-year-old, from the same Holywood club as Rory McIlroy, has remained coy on the speculation. By the time you read this, he’ll probably be getting paraded in a LIV liveried Letterman jacket.
McKibbin earned his 2025 PGA Tour card through the DP World Tour rankings last season. As well as making his mark in the US, he’d also be looking to make a push for the European Ryder Cup team.
All that, of course, would be up in the air if he has his head turned by LIV. We await a decision. And, whatever the outcome, it’ll be another golfing issue to get our teeth into.
Ouch, I thought my dentist had fixed that? Sod it. I’m off to Turkey.
