As a last hurrah before the return to the routine of school and nursery, I took the young ‘uns along to a big indoor carnival that’s been packing them in over the festive period.
Amid all the flashing lights, thumping music, amusements, carousels and wildly birling contraptions that would send your stomach hurtling into the year 2027, I stuck my head into the relative serenity of the palmistry and crystal ball gazing tent to get a sense of what the new year may bring.
“Any ideas for a column?,” I asked the fortune teller as she gazed inquisitively at my hand like a diligent museum curator carefully examining the tiny paw of a stuffed Eurasian pygmy shrew.
She didn’t get much from my head line – no surprise there then – and my life line was nothing to write home about either.
“I’m going to rub your Girdle of Venus,” she whispered, while taking a sook on a woodbine. At that point, I bolted from the tent and gave her a Harvey Smith salute with my fingers of Jupiter and Saturn.
Back in the world of golf, the future, it seems, is here today as the all-singing, all-dancing TGL, a high-tech, indoor simulator spectacular that is being spearheaded by Tiger Woods and Rory McIlroy, tees-off in Florida.
TGL stands for Tomorrow’s Golf League. So, the future is here tomorrow, not today? Well, it’s on tonight actually.
In a nutshell, TGL will feature six teams made up of 24 of the PGA Tour’s top players. They will compete in a two-month schedule of matches and will thrash away into a massive simulator screen measuring 64ft x 53ft.
There will be a 40-second shot-clock to keep the two-hour match motoring and, once inside 50 yards, players will switch from the simulator to hitting into real greens which will have 600 hydraulic lifts underneath them to change the contours for each hole. It’s quite the operation.
The SoFi Centre host venue will house 1500 spectators who will be allowed to hoot and holler as they please while music blares, an announcer shrieks and lights explode in a riot of colour, noise and cutting-edge golfing cut-and-thrust.
The players will – yes, you’ve guessed it – be mic’d up so all and sundry can eavesdrop in on chinwags, tactical discussions, trash-talkings, cursings, quips and inevitable banalities.
I don’t know about you, but whenever I hear giddy, hooray for everything commentators excitedly championing all this ‘mic’d up’ carry on, I tend to roll my eyes so far back into my head, I can see into my own skull.
Unless players conjure some great tour de force of standup comedy, this ‘banter’ for the cameras can often be decidedly dull and contrived and these made-for-TV larks descend into an awkward exercise in forced fun.
It’s a bit like being ordered to pull some Christmas crackers on a plane that’s plunging towards a crash landing. The heart’s not really in it.
But let’s not poo-poo the thing before it’s even started. TGL’s vision is admirable as golf continues its efforts to capture the hearts and minds of a different audience that demands innovation, instant gratification and easily digestible sporting fare in this digital age of myriad distractions.
Organisers promise that there will something for everyone, from the staunch golf fan to the casual observer. Billy Horschel, the reigning BMW PGA champion, has his own views on what will stir the senses of a varied crowd. See what you think about this.
"For me, if I hit a shot and the ball should apex around 112 feet, but it only does 100 and comes up five yards short, I will know it only went 100 feet in the air and the spin rate was too high so that was why it came up short,” he said.
"When we throw out numbers like that and discuss them with our team-mates, that is going to be really cool.”
Easy, Billy. Don’t use up all that banter at once. For the first-time viewer, such technical observations will probably be about as ‘cool’ as a lecture on turbine rotor dynamics.
We will see what the opening night brings. Woods and McIlroy, TGL’s box-office draws, are not actually playing in the curtain-raiser, which is a shame. Apparently, there are strategic TV reasons behind Tiger’s absence.
When you’ve got the name of Woods attached to your product – and let’s face it, Woods remains the game’s biggest attraction – you’d think you’d utilise him at every opportunity?
The line-up for New York Golf Club versus The Bay Golf Club features Xander Schauffele, Matt Fitzpatrick and Rickie Fowler against Ludvig Aberg, Wyndham Clark and Shane Lowry.
They are all golfers of tremendous pedigree but are they needle movers for a new audience? Probably not. Schauffele won two majors last year but, in the grand scheme of sporting superstars, his wider appeal outside the niche golf bubble is modest.
Saying that, the novelty and general curiosity that comes with a bold new concept should be enough to generate plenty of interest on TGL’s opening night. Then they can fling in the Woods trump card to up the ante.
TGL is high-tech and fast-paced, it’s got big names, big backers and a prime-time (in the US at least) broadcast deal. It ticks plenty of boxes. But will it tickle the fancy?
Perhaps that fortune-teller will have the answer?
