No matter what you do in life, there’s always someone telling you how you should be doing it. And I’m not talking about hectoring SNP ministers here.
I read one of those smug, preaching, self-help articles the other day, presumably written by someone who exists on a purifying diet of seeds, steam and spoonfuls of goading piety, and it was all about rest.
According to this regeneration guru, if sleep is the only rest you’re getting at the weekend, then you may as well just curl yourself up into the foetal position and give up.
Apparently, a half decent kip of a night is simply not enough to survive and thrive in this bamboozling world of ours.
As well as physical rest, you must also shoehorn in periods of mental rest, emotional rest, spiritual rest, social rest, sensory rest and creative rest.
“Why don’t you just give it a bloody rest and get on with your column,” snarled the sports editor as I hastily tried to untangle myself from my half-cocked meditative lotus position. What a sight.
Anyway, we could probably all do with a bit of a lie down after a pulsating, compelling three days of Solheim Cup cut-and-thrust. Once again, the meeting between the USA and Europe delivered on all fronts.
Well, apart from delivering fans from their cars to the course. The great spectator shuttle transport debacle of the opening morning was the most calamitous day for buses since the coach in the Italian Job veered off the road and was left dangling over a cliff.
It forced the LPGA Tour high heid yins into a grovelling mea culpa while the reputational damage to an organisation charged with promoting one of the biggest showpieces in women’s sport was considerable.
You won’t “grow the game” by having thousands of men, women and, importantly, children standing in a queue for three hours waiting to get in and missing the chance to savour the unique atmosphere of the first tee on the first day.
According to eyewitness accounts, even the bloomin’ portaloos were locked. A true s***show, then. It was an unforgiveable fiasco at an event of such magnitude.
As for the golfing show itself? Well, it made for a quite terrific spectacle even if the frankly ridiculous episode involving two US caddies during Saturday’s fourballs almost left you wanting to gouge your own eyes out.
When Alison Lee, in partnership with Megan Khang, holed her approach to the second for a thrilling eagle-two, the Americans went utterly berserk.
The two bagmen ripped off their shirts – it was part of a bet between players and caddies apparently - and roared themselves hoarse amid an unsightly orgy of hooting, hollering, swearing and belly bumping.
This was only the second hole remember. And the Europeans still had to play.
It was all hideously unedifying. As my esteemed colleague, Ewan Murray of The Guardian, wrote: “What next? Bum cheek bearing on the 18th green?” The way things are rapidly descending in this world, it wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest.
We all know that these fraught, highly charged team contests give golf the opportunity to burst from its straitjacket. There’s nothing wrong with pumped up passion, but there’s a limit.
I don’t want to sound like some crotchety Victorian prude spluttering derision at his wife after she had the indecency to remove her bonnet during a boating trip on the Serpentine, but the sight of semi-naked caddies would’ve had me rushing for the shuttle buses. If you could get one. This attention-seeking nonsense was a new low.
I dread to think what the US celebrations were like in the aftermath of their win? “We are going to go so wild,” shrieked Lilia Vu, who nabbed the deciding point in the 15 ½ - 12 ½ victory.
“I think there's going to be caddie shirts off in the team room, probably more.” Blimey, it conjures up some deliciously appalling imagery.
As the US got up to all sorts, the Europeans were left to lick their wounds. Some were more painful than others.
Having been sat out of three sessions, Leona Maguire, the Irishwoman who had been a prolific points winner in her previous two Solheim Cup appearances, came back for the singles and eased to a 4&3 win over Ally Ewing.
When it was all said and done, a brassed off Maguire put out a post on social media saying, ‘form is temporary, class is permanent’ in a veiled dig at European captain, Suzann Pettersen.
Maguire had every reason to feel peeved but what about the old phrase, ‘there’s no ‘I’ in team’? While her post was hardly on a par with the excruciating public filleting of Tom Watson by Phil Mickelson at the Ryder Cup in 2014, it lacked a bit of, well, class.
Not long after that initial post, Maguire updated her social media site with a more honourable message stating that Europe, ‘win as a team, lose as a team’ before praising her team-mates and lauding the experience.
There may, however, be a few more revealing words to come out of Maguire yet as the coals get raked over.
In terms of the closeness of the competition, the Solheim Cup remains golf’s most captivating team contest.
Yes, there was chaos with buses and crass antics from caddies, but women’s golf was a winner once again. Roll on 2026.
