An NI mum has spoken movingly about the heartbreak of losing a child after one of her twin daughters died during pregnancy.
Frances McClay-Fitzgerald from South Belfast said the passing of her baby girl and the support she later received from a leading charity prompted her to help others struggling with grief.
She is now working with the Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Charity (Sands NI) to help and support other bereaved parents who are facing what her family have been through.
Read more: NI dad opens up on the heartbreak of losing a baby after daughter died four hours after birth
Sands NI supports anyone affected by the death of a baby, works to improve bereavement care and funds research to save babies' lives.
Frances and her husband Paul were already parents to their son Brody when she became pregnant with twin girls in 2013.
She told Belfast Live : "Everything was going really well with the pregnancy but then one evening I began experiencing reduced movement."
Frances went to her GP and then to the Royal Jubilee Maternity Hospital where on February 27th 2014, it was confirmed that one of her twins, later named Daisy, had passed away at 23 weeks.
She continued on with the pregnancy, carrying Daisy and her sister Tamsin for a further nine weeks, going about her normal life while also attending regular hospital appointments, which she described as "a very surreal time".
"Tamsin's growth then began to slow and we realised things wouldn't go so smoothly for her and we looking at an early delivery anyway," she explained
"At 32 weeks I suffered a placental abruption and lost three and a half litres of blood so both girls were delivered by an emergency C-section on May 2nd. Tammy spent a month in neonatal but now she's fine and really healthy."
At the time Frances said she felt as though she was being "pulled in all directions" as she had a little boy of 18 months at home and a new born fighting in neonatal while also mourning the loss of Daisy and being very poorly herself.
Frances is sharing her story to mark Sands Awareness Month 2022, an annual event run by the charity to raise awareness of the facts and impacts relating to neonatal deaths and stillbirths.
A new survey to mark the event has found that the majority of midwives working in NHS trusts and boards are expected to complete vital bereavement care training in their own spare time.
Although 77% of trusts and boards reported that bereavement care training was accessible to their midwives, only 33% said that those midwives were given time during working hours to attend it.
Sands believes that high quality bereavement care training must be prioritised within all NHS health trusts and boards.
The charity is now calling for all healthcare professionals in contact with bereaved parents to have dedicated time for this essential training during working hours.
That message is also being championed by Frances.
"The staff at the Royal were wonderful and so caring and I'll never forget the kindness they showed us which was fantastic but there was no professional bereavement midwife at the time," she said.
"I felt there were a lot of things I didn't know including that I could have gone and spent time with Daisy in the mortuary and I only discovered that much later.
"With bereavement care training, staff know what they can offer a parent and their options. I was finding out a lot of things afterwards that could have been done and information I didn't have access to at the time.
"It's not something you can ever move on from but with good bereavement care, you can learn how to carry on in life with the remembrance of your baby and not move on and forget them."
After two years of grief counselling and help with her mental health, Frances turned to Sands NI for support. She now volunteers as a befriender for the charity and plays a vital role in offering that same support to other bereaved families throughout Belfast.
"Going to Sands NI was an absolute turning point for me. You put so much energy into trying to explain to people what the experience of losing a child is like before you even get into what it's like for you today," she said.
"But when you walk into a room full of people who have been through the same thing, it cuts through all that and you're straight into where you are now and what you're struggling with at this moment in time.
"They get it and can reflect back so you just feel really understood. That's why the bereavement training with staff is so important and we need to cut through and get them to understand exactly where the parents are coming from."
Clea Harmer, Chief Executive of Sands, said: “Every parent whose baby has died, equally deserves excellent bereavement care. It’s the very least we can do for them.
“So it is simply not good enough that so many midwives and other healthcare professionals either don’t have access to this training, or are expected to do this in their own time outside of work hours.
“Bereavement care training is essential to ensure the immediate and long-term wellbeing of families affected by pregnancy loss or the death of a baby.
“Sands can offer support and training to midwives, and other healthcare workers, to ensure they have the skills they need to both care for bereaved families, and to look after their own wellbeing.
“Nothing will ever be able to take away the grief parents suffer when they lose a baby, but ensuring the right care and support is in place can help them come to terms with their tragic loss.
“Poor bereavement care can exacerbate a parent’s grief and have an immediate and long term effect on their mental wellbeing , but good care can and does help them on their painful journey.”
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