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Belfast Live
Belfast Live
National
Lauren Harte

NI lockdown stories: Grieving daughters on loss of loving parents within days of each other

Two years ago, Covid-19 catapulted Northern Ireland along with the rest of the world into a new way of living.

But the pandemic also brought waves of heartache to thousands of families across Northern Ireland.

On 19 March 2020, the first person with Covid-19 died in Northern Ireland and today, the number of deaths stands at over 3,000.

Read more: NI lockdown stories: Healthcare workers reflect on two years of coronavirus in Northern Ireland

As the first deaths to coronavirus began to be recorded, heartbroken families were forced to mourn the loss of loved ones in a very different way and faced an unnatural grieving process.

Covid restrictions sadly saw families separated from their loved ones in care homes, hospitals and residential care facilities while attendances were also severely restricted for funerals.

Every death leaves a grieving family and friend and some of those impacted have chosen to speak openly about the loss of their loved ones, both young and old.

Harry and May Rodgers, aged 86 and 83, from the Shankill, were married for 64 years before they died 24 hours apart at Parkview Nursing Home in April 2020.

The facility was badly hit by the pandemic and the couple's daughter Janice Hills and son-in-law Billy were forced to say their goodbyes while wearing full PPE.

"Mum was already unwell and in the final stages of dementia so we knew that if something like this happened, she would succumb while Dad had Parkinson's but he was fine," Janice told Belfast Live.

"After contracting the virus, they both deteriorated quite quickly but the care home they were in was so good and accommodating in terms of letting us spend time with them both and say our goodbyes.

"Mum passed away in the early hours of April 22nd and then we popped in to see Dad, who was still quite lucid at that point.

"Eventually we decided to go home at around 2am on April 23rd. Around an hour later we got a call asking us to go back up but by the time we arrived he had already passed.

"It was pretty traumatic to lose them both - one was bad enough but I think Dad was more of a shock because we thought he would slip through.

"It was a horrific time as every time we visited the care home, we heard that another familiar face we'd got to know down the years was gone. One after the other was passing away," Janice added.

Harry and May had met at a dance hall and married in 1957 before having three children Stephen, Gary and Janice.

Billy said his parents-in-law were a devoted couple: "May and Harry were together their whole lives and you rarely saw one without the other.

"When May took ill and had to go into the care system, it was only a short time later that Harry became unwell and he deteriorated within a matter of weeks," he explained.

"They were in separate care homes for a few years before finally being brought together again. They also died together and to see the two hearses driving side by side up the Sydenham bypass to Roselawn with the road empty was very sad but also I think a blessing for the two of them."

Janice added: "We scattered some of their ashes at Rosses Point in Sligo, which was a place they loved. We released some balloons and had a wee glass of champagne to raise a toast to them, which was a really lovely day."

The couple are planning a number of tributes to Harry and May in the future including a memorial bench at their former care home.

Reflecting on her loss two years on, Janice said: "You think you're doing ok but someone will say something or you'll see something on the television and it brings it all back. I still can't believe that they're both gone."

"Every day is different and we have good friends around us. We do laugh at things but then the emotions kick in if we see or hear something that brings back memories although we have many happy memories," Billy added.

At around the same time in April 2020, retired teachers Ignatius, 89, and Mary O'Connell, 86 also died from the virus within three days of each other at their North Belfast home.

A shared dedication to education had brought the couple together, having met each other while both teaching at Cross and Passion College in Ballycastle, Co Antrim - Crossgar native Ignatius teaching Latin, maths and English and Mary from Omagh, taught art.

After their marriage in August 1960, they settled in Belfast where Ignatius later became one of the primary forces behind the amalgamation of Catholic teacher training colleges in Belfast into St Mary's University College, he was its first lay principal.

Mary later became head of the art department at Dominican College in Fortwilliam.

In the midst of that the couple welcomed two daughters Bronagh and Aine and later their grandson Conor.

"The five of us all trundled along like a close family with the usual ups and downs like everybody else," Bronagh recalls.

In 2018, Ignatius developed Alzheimer’s but was able to remain living happily at home with the assistance of carers who visited daily.

"At that point life changed drastically for us all with some very difficult days alongside the good ones. Mummy was his soulmate and the two of them just ticked along together," Bronagh added.

"You never saw one without the other and they just adored each other. I wish we all had the love they had because nothing was ever too much for either of them to do for each other."

Just after St Patrick’s Day in 2020, Bronagh brought her parents to her home in Randalstown in Co Antrim - as a community midwife and trained nurse, she felt she could help keep them safe.

Towards the end of March, Ignatius developed what was initially thought to be a chest infection. When it had not cleared up after two days of antibiotics, the family were advised by their doctors to bring him back to Belfast, where there was a mobile coronavirus unit.

For the next two weeks, Bronagh watched firstly her father, and then her mother, develop symptoms of the virus and their breathing deteriorate.

"The virus hit them both so quickly and intensely - it was dreadful. Mummy was always about three days behind Daddy so every symptom he developed she then would get it," she explained.

"It was the hardest thing ever to watch. They were superb parents and I don't think they could have lived without each other."

Bronagh O'Connell (Harry Bateman/Belfast Live)

Ignatius died at 7am on April 14th while Mary passed away three days later, at 6pm on April 17th. By then unconscious, Mary died not knowing her husband had preceded her.

Only Bronagh and her son Conor were at the funeral as the couple's other daughter Aine was unwell and couldn't attend.

Ignatius and Mary were laid to rest together in Carrigart in Co Donegal, not far from the holiday home in Downings where they and their family had spent many idyllic holidays.

"Donegal was a place very close to their hearts and somewhere full of happy memories. When the school gates closed every June, we all piled into two wee cars and headed off to Donegal for the whole summer," Bronagh said.

"It was just Conor and I in one car and the two hearses and what struck me on the journey from Belfast to Donegal was the respectfulness of people standing on the side of the road as we passed by.

"That was just what Mummy and Daddy deserved when they couldn't have a wake or proper funeral. It was very hard coming home here afterwards to a house that was empty without them."

After caring for her parents, Bronagh, also contracted Covid-19 herself and later went on to work for the Public Health Agency's (PHA) contact tracing service in Ballymena, which she credits with helping her to process her family loss.

Looking back on the sad events of two years ago, Bronagh said: "We miss them every day and talk constantly about things that remind us of them. Those memories will get us through every single day.

"Good things have also happened since they left us and that makes me wonder if they are still steering us from heaven - I hope they are."

Video by Belfast Live videographer Harry Bateman.

Read more: Doctor highlights those who are most at risk from Rhinovirus

Read more: Covid NI: The latest rules on self-isolation and testing in Northern Ireland

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