The good teams are beginning to separate themselves from the mediocre as we sprint toward the halfway point of the 2023 NFL season.
While birds owned the weekend, Bills from Buffalo and Lions from Detroit fell back down to Earth. Here are the NFL power rankings heading into Week 8.
32. Carolina Panthers
Last Week: 32
If only every week could be the Panthers’ bye week so we didn’t have to watch their offense.
31. New York Giants
Last Week: 31
There is no reason to give the keys back to Daniel Jones- ride it out with Tyrod Taylor.
30. Arizona Cardinals
Last Week: 29
As I’ve said every week, credit to the Passtronaut Josh Dobbs and the entire crew for giving their opponents absolute hell for three hours every week- they just don’t have the juice to pull off many wins.
29. Denver Broncos
Last Week: 30
The Broncos’ defense played very well against the Packers. their reward is their second matchup with the Chiefs in three weeks, and it’ll be without Kareem Jackson attempting to decapitate everyone.
28. Tennessee Titans
Last Week: 26
They seem to finally be realizing how bad they are and are starting to sell ahead of the deadline. We’ll see if DeAndre Hopkins joins Kevin Byard on the way out.
27. New England Patriots
Last Week: 28
The Patriots are bad, but you can’t quite count any game as a win ahead of time going against Bill Belichick. Also, the NFL should fine Mike Gesicki every time he does that griddy- it’s painful to watch.
26. Green Bay Packers
Last Week: 21
Our Touchdown Wire staff could gain a few yards rushing against the Packers’ defense if we were allowed to pick who we were running behind. Jordan Love also looks bad, and Green Bay is 2-4.
25. Las Vegas Raiders
Last Week: 23
In the last calendar year, Josh McDaniels has lost to a coach who had never coached before and a quarterback who was playing Division-II football last winter. It feels like we’ve sing this little song and dance before. Oh wait, we have. In Denver. How’d that turn out? Poor Maxx Crosby and Davante Adams.
24. Chicago Bears
Last Week: 27
What a game from the man they are calling “The Secret Bagent.” The Bears aren’t very good, but they dominated another not very good team in one of the worst quarterback matchups you’ll ever see on paper entering the week.
23. New Orleans Saints
Last Week: 24
Derek Carr seems to live in a constant state of annoyance. So will Saints fans after this week, because their team has massively underwhelmed and they have zero juice. They move up in a loss, though, simply because of all the movement from worse teams below them causing a jump.
22. Washington Commanders
Last Week: 22
Why is Ron Rivera still there? Move on, promote Eric Bieniemy, and see what he can do for the remainder of the season, because this is embarrasing.
21. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Last Week: 15
The Falcons tried to help the Bucs win, but Tampa insisted that Atlanta leave Raymond James Stadium with a victory. The offense needs to help the defense out more. Three takeaways inside the 20 and you still lose? Unacceptable.
20. Atlanta Falcons
Last Week: 25
The Falcons are the best bad team in the league. Their quarterback is atrocious, but their defense is good enough right now to single-handedly get them wins.
19. Indianapolis Colts
Last Week: 19
The Colts are like a fun fling with a cute biker girl. Are they going to break our hearts? Probably but who cares? Let’s just run red lights and smoke a pack of Camels while blaring Breaking Benjamin.
18. Cleveland Browns
Last Week: 18
Do we think the Browns even want Deshaun Watson to play? Because as awful as he is, at least rooting for P.J. Walker is fun. Also, that Myles Garrett fella is quite good.
17. Minnesota Vikings
Last Week: 20
Talk about getting a win when you need it most. The difference between 2-5 and 3-4 is huge, and Kirk Cousins played the best game he’s played in a long time, and he did it without Justin Jefferson. How about T.J. Hockenson and Jordan Addison, as well as the defensive job by Brian Flores? Great win for the Vikings and their Honda minivan quarterback,
16. New York Jets
Last Week: 16
The Jets will play the Giants in Week 8 in a battle of quarterback play that will set the league back three decades. I’d be surprised if the over/under is higher than 33.5.
15. Los Angeles Chargers
Last Week: 12
I can’t keep defending the Chargers, man. It feels like Justin Herbert is going to have a Matthew Stafford career arc. We know he’s talented, but he’s never going to win in Los Angeles.
14. Los Angeles Rams
Last Week: 14
Brett Maher picked up where he left off with the Cowboys late last season and forgot how to kick. The Rams left a lot of points on the board in missed kicks, but Puka Nacua continued his fantastic year.
13. Pittsburgh Steelers
Last Week: 17
The Steelers are the most ridiculous team in football, and are one of only two teams to have a winning record and a negative point differential. They begin a three-game homestand this weekend against the Jaguars, which would be a huge feather in their cap.
12. Houston Texans
Last Week: 13
I missed seeing C.J. Stroud on my TV this past weekend. The Texans are lovable underdogs who are so easy to root for with their current collection of guys. At 3-3, they are a frisky team that could make a run at the No. 7 seed, and I want that more than I want my future children to succeed.
11. Seattle Seahawks
Last Week: 10
Seattle is 4-2 after a divisional win over the Cardinals, and Jaxon Smith-Njigba scored his first career touchdown in D.K. Metcalf’s absence. There hasn’t been much to say about the Seahawks thus far. Outside of that Monday night dismantling of the Giants, they’ve been somewhat quiet.
10. Cincinnati Bengals
Last Week: 9
It’s now or never for the Bengals. They are 3-3 with consecutive games against the 49ers and Bills. If they lose both of them, their season is all but over. Should Cincinnati go into Levi’s and escape with a win over the 49ers, I will feel much more confident about having them in the top 10.
9. Dallas Cowboys
Last Week: 8
Dallas comes out of the bye to face a Rams offense that will look to pass pass pass. With all of their cornerbacks banged up, this could be a less-than-ideal matchup for the Cowboys.
8. Detroit Lions
Last Week: 5
Huh. Well alrighty then.
That was a burn the tape game for the Lions. They were dominant throughout the first month and a half- it was only a matter of time before they came down to Earth and got smacked in the mouth. Every team, no matter how good, has one of those games. They play the Raiders on Monday night- I fully expect them to win.
7. Buffalo Bills
Last Week: 2
Buffalo has played poorly in four of their seven games thus far, and still has games against the Bengals, Chiefs, Eagles, Cowboys, Chargers, and Dolphins. The road doesn’t get any easier- wake the hell up.
6. Baltimore Ravens
Last Week: 11
In terms of DVOA, that was the best game the Baltimore Ravens have ever played, and they did it against a team who was a top five team entering the week. Expecting them to look like that every week would be naïve, but it was good to see them put together a flawless football game. They are as dangerous as anyone right now, and they take a huge jump.
5. Miami Dolphins
Last Week: 4
They are incredibly explosive, but that defense is a real problem, and when are they going to win a big game? It isn’t going to be the Broncos or the University of College Tech that they’ll face in January- they are going to have to figure out how to beat a good team when the time comes.
4. San Francisco 49ers
Last Week: 3
That’s two losses in a row, and two losses where Brock Purdy has played poorly. If that’s what he looks like when even one of his Pro Bowl weapons is gone, that’s a problem.
3. Jacksonville Jaguars
Last Week: 6
The Khan Cats are sitting at 5-2 and winners of their last four. Trevor Lawrence hears all of us talking and is starting to clap back, while his defense currently sits at seventh in the league in EPA/play. Should they go into Pittsburgh and get to 6-2, watch out for the Jags as a potential sneaky team to be the No. 1 seed in the AFC.
2. Philadelphia Eagles
Last Week: 7
Let us start a prayer circle to make the Kelly Green uniforms the full-time look for the Eagles. The ’90s were just better in every aesthetic aspect. Crank some Sublime and let’s party like Jalen and A.J. Brown are Randall and Calvin Williams.
1. Kansas City Chiefs
Last Week: 1
Another win, and another week of annoyed fans yelling at their televisions to please stop panning to the press box at the very mention of Travis Kelce’s name.
Patrick Mahomes had 321 yards in the first half. He finished with 424 and four touchdowns. Kelce had 12 catches on 13 targets. Just pure dominance from two of the best to ever do it.
