For fans still basking in the warm, three-season glow of “Ted Lasso,” Taika Waititi’s coaching-fish-out-of-water soccer comedy/drama “Next Goal Wins” might be a tough sell from the get-go, even though it turns out this feature film based on the true story of the American Samoa football aka soccer team actually has more in common with the likes of “The Bad News Bears,” “Slapshot,” “Hoosiers” and “The Mighty Ducks,” with the theme of a beleaguered and troubled coach placed in charge of a ragtag bunch of underdogs.
Alas, even though “Next Goal Wins” is inspired by the inspiring 2014 documentary of the same name about the indomitable spirit of the team, which suffered the worst World Cup loss of all time in a 31-0 massacre by Australia in 2001 yet kept on keeping on, and despite Waititi’s track record for originality and quirky, unexpected comedy (“Thor: Ragnarok,” “JoJo Rabbit”), this is a shoddy-looking, superficial and cliché-embracing effort that misses the mark at every turn.
We’ll start with the miscasting of the icy cool and formidable Michael Fassbender, who was last seen as David Fincher’s “The Killer” and has delivered great work in films such as “Inglorious Basterds” and “The Counselor.” But he struggles mightily here in a primarily comedic role as the Dutch coach Thomas Rongen, a former pro soccer player with an infamous temper who is shipped off to American Samoa to helm the disastrous national football team, because no one else will have him. (Also miscast: Elisabeth Moss as Rongen’s estranged wife Gail, a FIFA board member who for some reason has taken up with Will Arnett’s fellow board member Alex Magnussen, an objectively terrible human being.)
From the moment Thomas arrives in American Samoa and is greeted by Tavita (a very funny Oscar Kightley), the gracious head of the soccer federation who will act as cultural guide and eventual conscience for Thomas, “Next Goal Wins” is a greatest hits medley of Underdog Sports Movie tropes, though it’s unclear if Waititi is embracing the clichés or mocking them or just not interested in doing anything different with the material. Most of the team members are thinly sketched, with a few exceptions, most notably Jaiyah Saelua (Kaimana), a non-binary player who is initially treated with bigotry and contempt by Thomas‚ but eventually comes to symbolize the White Outsider’s Transformation Into a Better Person. However well-intentioned the storyline, it falls short of grace — though Kaimana does give a lovely, strong and wonderful performance.
With Honolulu filling in for American Samoa, “Next Goal Wins” is a curiously flat-looking film, with clunky editing of the soccer sequences, and scenes set in the mountains and on the water that should be more visually stunning. We keep getting references to other movies, from “Taken” to “The Matrix” to “Any Given Sunday” to “The Karate Kid,” but these asides feel forced and unnecessary.
Perhaps the worst offense of all is the use of an old and tired trick in which we’re led to believe one thing about Thomas’ family life for much of the story, only for him to reveal the tragic truth in a halftime speech. Writer-director Waititi even gets in his own way when it comes to his handling of the Climactic Moment. “Next Goal Wins” is the kind of forgettable sports movie that would have been destined for the “Films for $2” bin at the local big-box store within a year, back when they had “Films for $2” bins.
