Louise Taylor has filed her match report from St James’ Park. So that’s my cue to go for a walk and ask myself why, aged seven, I decided to support Manchester United. They fully deserved to lose to Newcastle, who are on a roll at just the right stage of the season. Congratulations to Jason Tindall and all good wishes to Eddie Howe. Thanks for your company, correspondence and considered views on Ruben Amorim, who simply has to win the Europa League now.
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Sky have just put up their xG, which says the score should have been 2-1. They gave Newcastle 2.09, Man United 0.61. But one or two of the other stats are more revealing. On touches in the opposition box, it was 37-12 to Newcastle. On possession won in the final third, it was 12-2. They were all over Man Utd like a rash.
And here’s Steve in Washington – DC, not Co. Durham. “As things stand,” he reckons, “Newcastle is one of only 3 teams (Liverpool and Arsenal being the other two) who still have a chance at winning this year’s title. Admittedly, it’s a bit of a long shot.”
“Thank you for making my afternoon,” says Sarah Dobson. “Loving the MBM commentary.” Ah thanks. That’s what we’re here for.
“Football, bloody hell, eh?” says Simon McMahon. “I blame Fergie.”
“Physically, mentally, they’re a weak team,” says Roy Keane of the club he used to captain. “They got what they deserved. This talk that there are signs they’re getting better – well, I can’t see it. I worry for this group of players.”
The upshot is that Newcastle go fourth. They are one point above Man City, and now only one behind Forest. Man United pay the price for this heavy defeat by sliding to 14th on goal difference behind Everton. Spurs, Wolves and West Ham are all within three points of them. Bad to worse.
Newcastle do the league double over the other United for the first time since 1931. Their fans celebrate with a lusty rendition of Rockin’ All Over The World.
FULL TIME: Newcastle 4-1 Man United
A thumping win for Newcastle, a triumph for Jason Tindall, and yet another setback for Ruben Amorim.
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90+4 min Alan Smith has named his player of the match: Harvey Barnes.
90+3 min Hojlund gets into the box with some good movement, but then can’t make up his mind whether to pass or shoot. The shot comes too late and is easily blocked.
90+2 min We are having five extra minutes. “Ruben Amorim,” sing the travelling fans, or what’s left of them – there are plenty of gaps.
90 min A glimmer for Man Utd as Mainoo crafts a move down the right with his elegant feet. It ends with Shaw, on the other side, sending in a classy cross, which is headed wide by Hojlund.
89 min Bayindir comes close to emulating Onana with his second howler of the game, but just manages to wiggle the ball away from the man rushing onto him. Man Utd have been quite unable to cope with the Newcastle press.
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86 min Two more subs from Jason Tindall: Longstaff and Miley for Guimaraes and Joelinton. There have now been so many substitutions that the atmosphere has gone from fever pitch to no more than mild gloating.
83 min “My German girlfriend, who admittedly doesn’t know much about football,” says Malcolm Shuttleworth, “is a bit confused because both teams are called United. She says she knows which team are Man Utd, but she’s not sure which team are Newcastle! Regards from Leverkusen.” Ha. Newcastle, under Eddie Howe, know exactly who they are. I’m not sure the other lot do.
82 min Ruben Amorim has sent on a couple more subs too – Luke Shaw, at long last, for Mazraoui, and Kobbie Mainoo for Fernandes.
80 min Subs! Three from Jason Tindall, whose day is now going rather well – Wilson for Isak, Krafth for Trippier and Gordon for Murphy, with Barnes presumably staying on in the hope that he can collect a hat-trick.
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78 min Bayindir, under pressure from Isak, played the ball out – onto the peroxide head of Joelinton. He nodded it down to Guimaraes, who placed a calm low shot in the corner.
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GOAL! Newcastle 4-1 Man United (Guimaraes 77)
A howler from Bayindir, and now it really is a rout.
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73 min Man Utd have made it into the box! The move ends with Ugarte, who has a shot from distance – on target but not giving Pope much bother.
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73 min “I’ve been a Man United fan,” says Phil Morton in Berkeley, California, “since before Munich. But if they get a new stadium subsidized by the city of Manchester I’ll have to walk away. Radcliffe and the Glazers are awash in money and could follow the example of the Golden State Warriors and finance it themselves. Harrumph.”
70 min Barnes again threatens to run away from Mazraoui, who manages a tackle, at the expense of a corner.
“This is so, so bad,” says Rob Hisnay, “under this fraud Ruben. Commiserations for having to do MBMs of this.” Thanks, but it’s still a privilege. And I’ve had plenty of practice: I also write about the England cricket team.
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69 min Man Utd were unlucky with Mazraoui’s slip, but in 24 minutes since half-time they have had only one touch in the Newcastle box – by Dalot, if I remember right.
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66 min Fernandes, who will never say die, sends a chip down the left for Dorgu, but the flag goes up.
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64 min Harvey Barnes has surely won the match for Newcastle. He pounced as Mazraoui slipped, charged through the middle of the Man U defence, and blasted a shot past poor Bayindir.
GOAL! Newcastle 3-1 Man United (Barnes 64)
He’s done it again!
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62 min As a camera finds Thomas Tuchel, Man Utd get forward and Mount is in a promising position – which he squanders with a loose attempt to square for Fernandes.
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60 min As the hour glass flips over, Newcastle are in the box again. A pech of a cross from Murphy on the right finds the formidable head of Dan Burn, but his header is over the bar.
58 min Dorgu’s next contribution is a better one – a block on a cross from Murphy, which leads to a corner.
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57 min Dorgu’s first contribution is to foul Trippier.
55 min Man Utd subs: Hojluind for Zirkzee, Dorgu for Amass, Mount for Garnacho.
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53 min Just when he was looking so much better, Joshua Zirkzee pulls up lame. He went on a mazy run, kept the ball when he should surely have fed Fernandes to his left, and ended up straining a hamstring.
51 min As it stands, Newcastle are up to fourth, one point above Man City and two clear of Chelsea and Villa
50 min Livramento did well, bustling down the left and crossing. The ball made its way across to the other wing, where Murphy whipped in a low cross of his own and Barnes, in the centre-forward slot, helped himself to a tap-in.
GOAL! Newcastle 2-1 Man United (Barnes 49)
Another neat move.
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48 min United go on the counter, through Dalot as usual. He ends up in the inside-left channel, where he goes for a burton in the box – but only the travelling fans show any interest in a penalty.
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46 min Isak gets the second half under way. Newcastle are soon in the Man United box, with Barnes and Livramento combining neatly, but Mazraoui sees off the danger.
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In other Man Utd news, the women’s team have reached the FA Cup final. Here’s Suzy Wrack with a match report.
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“Manchester,” says the next subject line. “It’s always good to see the Manchester Guardian living up to its name,” reckons Richard Hirst, “by using Manchester United supporters on the MBM. In the interests of openness and transparency, how many are there on the rosta - 1056?” Ha. What can I say? Man United have a lot of fans. But don’t worry, Richard – Jim Ratcliffe is doing his best to lose them.
“Some fool,” goes the subject line of the next email. Ah yes, him (see 38 min, below). “Did also say,” adds Kevin Simons, “he could see Utd nicking one on the counter, so some other fools shouldn’t be too hard on him.” Thank you!
“Has this been the weirdest Premier League season ever?” asks our man in Scotland, Simon McMahon. “That’s a genuine question, and one which I’m not qualified to answer. It just seems that there are stories everywhere, from Liverpool to Southampton, and pretty much everywhere in between. It really is a funny old game, isn’t it?” It is. And it’s been refreshing to see so many clubs in contention for the Champions League. But the title race has been so dull that it might as well have been Oxford v Cambridge. And relegation hasn’t exactly been a battle.
HALF-TIME! Newcastle 1-1 Man United
Newcastle have been much the better team, with Isak looking a cut above everyone else on the pitch and setting up Tonali’s classy opener with a cushioned volley. But Man U have had plenty of practice at going behind and they managed to score a good goal on the counter, poked home by Alejandro Garnacho.
45+1 min There’s one more minute to go. Dalot sends in long throw ... straight into the arms of Pope. Before that, Garnacho managed another shot, from the left this time.
45 min Man Utd bustle up the other end, where Fernandes fails to get a cross in as he’s caught in two minds. Understandable when you play in two positions.
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44 min Amass is 18, Yoro 19. Schar is 33 and ought to know better.
41 min As Newcastle have a corner, Schar again tries to bully Amass, and they both end up on the goal line, on the floor. Leny Yoro tries to stick up for his mate and gives Schar a shove, which earns a yellow card.
41 min That was Alejandro Garnacho’s tenth goal of the season, but (I think) only his third under Ruben Amorim.
40 min Trippier and Schar gang up on little Amass, leaving him winded. If they’d done that a month ago, they would have been had up by Safeguarding.
38 min Well, well. Dalot got away again on the break and poked a pass out to Garnacho, who raced in from the right and poked a left-foot shot past a surprised Pope. And some fool was saying it could be a rout.
GOAL! Newcastle 1-1 Man United (Garnacho 37)
They’ve nicked one on the counter!
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34 min Isak has yet another shot, which brings a corner…. and a header from Dan Burn, onto the roof of the net. This has the makings of a rout.
33 min Save! By Bayindir from Isak, whose latest volley had “Goal” written all over it.
31 min United escape through Dalot, who fends off some close attention from Joelinton and feeds Garnacho. His cutback can’t quite find Fernandes, barrelling into the box.
30 min As the half-hour comes round, Newcastle are beginning to dominate.
28 min Newcastle have a corner on the right. The ball goes back to Tonali, 40 yards out. He feels like having another shot and it’s not a bad one, though it goes just wide.
27 min On their last two trips to St James’ Park, Man United failed to score. And they had a forward line then.
25 min That was a tale of two volleys. Isak received the ball in the box, flicked it up and played a cushioned volley through to Tonali, who drilled a low volley past Bayindir.
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GOAL! Newcastle 1-0 Man United (Tonali 24)
And there it is, a lovely goal.
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22 min Right on cue, Newcastle have a chance. Isak gets his head to a cross from the right, but skews it wide of the left-hand post.
23 min Man Utd have had more of the ball (63-37) and more of the shots (2-1). This can’t last.
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21 min As Isak threatens to get away down the right, Harry Amass snuffs out the danger. He does look like a footballer – stocky physique, low centre of gravity, strong engine, socks already down by his ankles.
20 min Zirkzee, growing in confidence by the week, pulls off some hold-up play and almost sends Eriksen through.
18 min Trippier’s free kick comes in. It’s aimed at Dan Burn, but it’s so high that not even the Angel of the North could have got a head to it.
16 min The first yellow card goes to Mr Man U himself, Manuel Ugarte, for bringing Livramento down as he skipped down the left.
15 min The first glimpse of Isak as a clearance from Dan Burn finds him in the box, more by chance than design. Isak controls it and plays an effortless cross, but there’s nobody there to receive it.
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14 min Newcastle make their way forward, but the attack leads only to another confident catch from Bayindir.
12 min Chance! To Zirkzee. Eriksen and Fernandes form a rondo on the edge of the box, passing fast and stylishly, cutting Newcastle open. Zirkzee has a decent shot that draws a good save from Pope.
11 min Newcastle have a free kick, chipped in by Trippier – and well held by Bayindir.
10 min A minor change to the team sheets: Bruno Fernandes is playing as a No 10, with Christian Eriksen occupying his other berth as a No 6.
9 min When Man Utd finally get forward, Diogo Dalot overhits his cross from the right, giving Zirkzee no chance of reprising his header from the other night.
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8 min Man Utd string some passes together, but all in their own half.
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6 min Zirkzee and Fernandes give the ball away between them in midfield. Murphy picks it up on the right and shoots only just wide. It looks as if Newcastle have decided to pepper Bayindir in the first few minutes of his PL career.
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3 min Newcastle were right on top for the first minute, and Joelinton sailed through the penalty area to meet Kieran Trippier’s cross.
And Newcastle have the ball in the net!
… but it’s offside.
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1 min The players take the knee and Man U kick off.
The camera finds Alexander Isak, and a caption says that he has 16 goals in his last 16 PL games. Man United have 18 goals in their last 16.
Hey Jude rings out around St James’ Park. KEEGAN, says a tifo in the stands. “He saved us in 82,” adds a banner, “he entertained us in 92.”
In a dramatic development, I have received an email. “G’Day Tim,” says Chris Paraskevas. “Hope you’re well!” I am, thanks, hope you are too. “And seriously, sending best wishes to Toon Legend® Eddie Howe, who also seems like a top bloke!
“Might I suggest he doesn’t try my recovery method for wisdom teeth removal, which involved 12 straight hours of Jameson at the same (almost all-hours) pub. Basically all of those 12 hours on the same stool were blissful but then the alcohol wore off, the toothache returned and the hangover started.
“Looking forward to seeing what Jason Tindall is wearing now that he (finally) has the spotlight all to himself...”
Ruben Amorim is talking to Sky about leaving André Onana behind. “Sometimes you have to let the player disconnect,” he says. “I felt it was a good time [for him] to disconnect.” He makes it sound more like a case of resting than dropping, but also confirms that Onana wasn’t happy about it. My uneducated guess is that if Altay Bayindir does all right today, he will keep the gloves for the second leg against Lyon, who would surely be delighted to see Onana again.
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Harry Amass turned 18 less than a month ago. He becomes Man United’s fourth-youngest Premier League player, behind Angel Gomes, Shola Shoretire and Chido Obi, who is unexpectedly left out of the squad today. Amass’s target has to be to make it more PL appearances than Gomes (five) or Shoretire (three). Obi is also on three. His absence today means that Man U have only one forward on the bench (Hojlund) to go with two on the field (Garnacho and Zirkzee).
Liverpool have beaten West Ham 2-1, so they are 13 points ahead of Arsenal and all they have to do now is win two of their last six games. Or draw the lot of them.
Chelsea have drawn 2-2 with Ipswich, so they are fifth, tucked between Man City and Aston Villa. But Newcastle can leapfrog all three if they win today.
And Wolves have won 4-2 against Spurs, who have now lost 17 times in 32 league games. Wolves go up to 16th, one place above West Ham. What a job Vitor Pereira has done. Maybe Jim Ratcliffe signed the wrong Portuguese manager?
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Scores on the doors. Liverpool just conceded against West Ham, only to go straight up the other end and score. So it’s 2-1 and the tussle for the league title is, once again, about as exciting as the Boat Race. Wolves lead Spurs 4-2: both are just behind Man United, and Wolves are now looking the likelier of the two to catch up. Chelsea, who went 2-0 down at home to Ipswich, have dragged it back to 2-2, with their second goal coming from Jadon Sancho, of all people. And in the Women’s FA Cup semi-final, Man United are 2-0 up against Man City at half-time. Wonder if Jim Ratcliffe will turn up for the final.
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Teams in full
Two good players are back from injury and on the bench: Anthony Gordon for Newcastle, Ayden Heaven for Man U.
Newcastle (probable 4-3-3) Pope; Trippier, Schar, Burn, Livramento; Tonali, Guimaraes, Joelinton; Murphy, Isak, Barnes.
Subs: Dubravka, Targett, Krafth, Miley, Longstaff, Neave, Osula, Wilson, Gordon.
Man United (probable 5-2-2-1) Bayindir; Dalot, Mazraoui, Lindelof, Yoro, Amass; Ugarte, Fernandes; Garnacho, Eriksen; Zirkzee.
Subs: Heaton, Maguire, Heaven, Shaw, Dorgu, Casemiro, Mainoo, Mount, Hojlund.
Teams in brief: Amorim rings the changes
Ruben Amorim is clearly concentrating on the Europa League now, and rightly so. He not only gives Altay Bayindir his Premier League debut – he also gives a first competitive start to Harry Amass, who has it in him to be the next Luke Shaw. The old Luke Shaw is on the bench, alongside Harry Maguire, Casemiro, Mason Mount and Rasmus Hojlund, as Amorim offsets the inexperience of Bayindir and Amass by giving rare starts to two wise old heads, Victor Lindelof and Christian Eriksen.
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Teams in brief: Isak starts for full-strength Newcastle
Eddie Howe’s assistant, Jason Tindall, names a strong XI. Alexander Isak is fit to lead the line and show Man U what a striker looks like. Tonali, Guimaraes and Joelinton, who ran rings round the United midfield at the end of last year, are back to do it again.
Preamble
Afternoon everyone and welcome to the teatime game in the Premier League. This should be a great occasion, a clash of the titans. Two famous old clubs, two great northern cities, two fervent fan bases … but also, two shadows falling across the pitch. One is the fact that Eddie Howe is unable to take his place in the dug-out as he’s in hospital, having tests, after feeling unwell for most of the week. All the best to him.
The other shadow is the fact that, in the Premier League this season, only one of these clubs has turned up. Howe’s Newcastle are where they belong, on course for the Champions League, poised to go third on Wednesday if they can win two home fixtures – this one and the game in hand against Crystal Palace. Meanwhile Ruben Amorim’s Manchester United are nowhere, stuck in 13th place, unable to move up even if they pull off an upset today.
When Erik ten Hag was sacked at the end of October, the gap between the two sides was only one point; now it’s 15. Newcastle have racked up 11 wins in their last 15 league games, including a 2-0 at Old Trafford in December that felt more like 4-0. On points per game during that run (2.20), they’ve been second only to Liverpool (2.24). In the same period Man United have just five league wins in 16 and 1.19 points per game. Amorim has turned them into Europa League specialists – who have no chance of being in the Europa League next season.
So all the signs seem to point to a Newcastle win, but, of course, you never know. Alexander Isak, who scored in the first five minutes at Old Trafford, is a slight doubt. Bruno Fernandes, who missed that game through suspension, is a dead cert. Joshua Zirkzee, whose removal after half an hour was cheered by some United supporters, may have a point to prove. The fans have made it up to him since – in fact he’s become a favourite, as befits the only Man U forward (not injured or out on loan) with more than one goal in 2025. And this should be the kind of game in which Amorim’s back five won’t look ridiculous. His team could nick one on the break – but it’s still hard to see Newcastle scoring fewer than two.
Team news follows shortly. One thing has emerged already: André Onana has been left out of United’s squad after his night of horreurs in Lyon. I tried to make sense of that game for United Writing. Do sign up if you’re a United fan and a masochist, which may be the same thing these days.
