New Zealand are top of the table, while South Africa’s semi-final hopes are fading:
It’s been a long one, but that’s about us - thanks all for your company and comments. Ta-ra.
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Here’s our match report.
Williamson returns to do his captain’s interview. He thought the wicket was soft but would harden up and turn into a belter; he was half-right. He praises De Grandhomme for hitting the right areas and building pressure - the slower bowlers were hard to get away, he says - and notes that his attack as a whole did a great job.
As for the batting, he says De Grandhomme is an x-factor player who plays his natural game, and delivered a s’perb knock on a big occasion. He says that the pitches in the tournament are all very different and his team aren’t looking around at big scores elsewhere trying to get them they’re just doing that which needs to be done.
Du Plessis says South Africa were aiming for 260, and individual batsmen will have regrets. He praises Williamson for showing everyone what to do, problem being you have to be him to do it. He then praises the efforts of his players and notes that they’ve been trying.
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Nafka mina as the Talmud has it, or practical difference as it’s also known: South Africa are as good as gone with three points from six matches, while New Zealand look a cert for semis with four wins and a no result from five – they’re top of the pool. They’ll need things to go their way when it comes to it, but Williamson is a matchwinner - he gets man of the match, which is harsh on De Grandhomme but also unarguable.
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“It’s nice to be there at the end,” says Williamson. I’m sure it is, old mate, I’m sure it is. Imagine that feeling. He then says that the surface was tricky so his team knew it wasn’t over at half-tie, and then says that you know you’re going to face some difficult balls, so building an innings as he did is about seeing out the tough times. Yes they’re both good, but is he the batsman that Joe Root should be?
Williamson finishes on 106 not out, Santner on 2.
That wasn’t the greatest game I’ve ever seen - let’s be real, a lot of it was dull - but it was tense, dramatic, and settled by a master. We’ve had worse days.
New Zealand beat South Africa by four wickets!
48.3 Williamson glides a single away to third man - another single away to third man - and actually it then becomes four, and that’s that. What a phenomenal performance that is from him, patient, violent and calm. He is already one of the best of his generation, but he’s going to be one of the best of all-time.
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48.2 BOW DOWN! WILLIAMSON PICKS THE SLOWER ONE, GOES DOWN ON ONE KNEE, AND WHACKS THE COVER OFF IT! SIX OVER WIDE MID ON, HIS HUNDRED AS WELL, AND HIS TEAM NEED ONE TO WIN! KANE WILLIAMSON IS A HERO!
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48.1 Santner pulls off his hip for one. Seven needed off five.
Santner wears glasses. Read into that what you like, but there’s a touch of Clark Kent – sorry, of the the Clark Kents – about him.
Phehlukwayo has the ball, and along with Du Plessis spends a fair old while setting his field while Ngidi nips off for a slash - it’s that tense.
Right, let’s go ball-by-ball. That might help us cope.
48th over (of 49): New Zealand 236-56 (Williamson 96, Santner 1) – target 242 The batsmen crossed so it’s Williamson on strike ... and he prods at one! Ngidi follows through - he’s not the only one, I’ll wager - but can’t quite reach it. Williamson decides to trust his man so fiddles a single to long on and suddenly you wonder if South Africa might just do this! Ngidi tosses one out wide, nice and gentle, and Santner misses it; 13 needed of 8. This is beautifully tense now, and a thrashed drive hits the stumps at the non-striker’s, turning two into one. Williamson has strike - he’ll want something that gets him down the other end to retain strike, or a boundary. Here comes Ngidi ... and LOOK AT KANE WILLIAMSON! HE IS SO GOOD! He waits for it and glances behind for four! Amazing testicles! Eight needed off of the final over...
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WICKET! De Grandhomme c Du Plessis 60 (New Zealand 228-6)
Well! De Grandhomme has a heave, but the cross-seamer gives him no pace and he picks out the man; there’s no way Du Plessis, at long off, drops this ... and he doesn’t. But why did he do it? he’s played so well, so sensibly, and just needed to knock it about! Game on!
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47th over (of 49): New Zealand 228-5 (Williamson 91, De Grandhomme 60) – target 242. Final shy for South Africa: Rabada returns. It’s hard to see how he can save them here, because he’s got two set batsmen who don’t need to score big - I wonder if, on reflection, Du Plessis regrets keeping his last couple for now. This is a decent over if there’s scoreboard pressure but there isn’t really, and it yields three singles. New Zealand need 14 from 12.
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46th over (of 49): New Zealand 225-5 (Williamson 90, De Grandhomme 58) – target 242. Ngidi returns and diddles Williamson with a slower one, but it’s wafted over midfield for one all the same. Another one follows, into the leg side, then another into the off. So De Grandhomme, looking for a boundary to nail the rate for the over, has a swish at a slower ball and misses - he grins because he can - then swings one high but not hard enough to deep square ... Miller’s chasing in but he can’t quite make up the ground, and there’s that four. Ngidi responds with a wide, then De Grandhomme takes a single. You don’t come across many Colins these days, I wonder if the name is as dead as Gary.
“Excellent game described by Abhijato Sensarma,” says Brian Withington, “which immediately begs the question of what is a par score? I suspect that the optimum approach is a randomised ‘mixed’ strategy and think this will on average secure a 50 ball innings scoring 160 runs (ignoring extras). But it’s been a very long time since my maths degree days. I think a modified Duckworth Lewis could readily be developed to overcome restricted innings when teacher stops play ...”
Er, there’s no such thing as a par score? Every ball on it’s merits, if you can whack it for six you do.
45th over (of 49): New Zealand 216-5 (Williamson 88, De Grandhomme 52) – target 242. 31 needed off 30 balls - you’re New Zealand, you’d’ve took it, as Ryan Giggs would say. Is there a provision in English for words featuring two contractions? Can we call it a giggstraction? After two dots, a cross-seamer that’s short and wide - Williamson runs it down without having to think, so De Grandhomme thinks he can do likewise and misses ... close. Next, a bazzing yorker that he does really well to handle ... then brings up his fifty with an effortless - for him - swat over wide mid-on for a one-bounce four. That’s brilliant - he’s wearing this pressure like he was sewn into it.
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44th over (of 49): New Zealand 211-5 (Williamson 87, De Grandhomme 48) – target 242. Williamson takes a single, then De Grandhomme has a go at a slower one from Phehlukwayo and edges four - he’s earned all of that with the day he’s had. A single to midwicket them gives Williamson a go, and he pulls for two, after which, hilarity. Williamson swats, Ngidi drops a dolly ... and it’s a no ball anyway. Two more to the total, plus one from the free hit and another one - 12 from the over, barely any risk, and that’s huge at this stage.
43rd over (of 49): New Zealand 199-5 (Williamson 82, De Grandhomme 42) – target 242. Morris replaces Rabada and hurls himself into it immediately as is his wont. In elegising him, Mark Nicholas praises his chutzpah, pronounced “shutzpah” - someone help him with his Yiddish, please - the ch is guttual. In my lawyering days, someone tried it with a regular ch, then explained what it meant for double points; he also liked F1 but did not like cricket. New Zealand take three from this over, bumping the required rate up to 7.16, but it’s impossible to seethe Saffers winning this unless they get some wickets.
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42nd over (of 49): New Zealand 196-5 (Williamson 80, De Grandhomme 41) – target 242. Phehlukwayo returns, and his team need something, anything. De Grandhomme bangs him to cover for a single and they batsmen take one off each of the next five balls too. There aren’t many men in the world you’d pick ahead of Williamson to shepherd this chase, and he now has 3000 runs in 50-over cricket.
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41st over (of 49): New Zealand 190-5 (Williamson 77, De Grandhomme 38) – target 242. Hi again and thanks Tom. We hoped for an arse-nipper and that’s what we’ve got - techno techno techno techno. And this is another terrific over of World Cup CricketTM. Willaimson sneaks a leg bye off Rabada and at short midwicket, Miller has a shy ... they practise for this ... he misses! South Africa have not chapped their chances today, and when you’re defending 241, you have to. Grandhomme then rubs it in by edging a four and knucking a single - what a game he’s having.
Brunel, Curie and Aqua have nothing on this tribute to human ingenuity from Abhijato Sensarma:
“As most of the young Indian people like me spend a considerable amount of time in school, and are confined to the four corners of the classroom for most of the school hours’ duration, many innovative ways of playing the sport through strange mediums have been adapted. Without any doubt, the most famous of these adaptations is book cricket, which is usually enjoyed best with a Charles Dickens, much to the disapproval of the English teacher. Then, there is the version of the game which is played with the help of a calculator, much to the disapproval of the mathematics teacher. The most recent reincarnation is ‘hand cricket,’ which is, not so surprisingly, met with disapproval from all the teachers.
The game is pretty basic and can be played anywhere. It requires both of the players to throw down their hands (like rock paper scissors), forming a number with their fingers at the same time. To curb the problem of showing six (which requires both hands to be shown), just the thumb is used.
After the toss is conducted using any arbitrary method, the formatting of the game varies greatly, depending on the region and school one is in, like the number of wickets and overs, as well as format. But, as the history teacher often says (albeit during a different discussion), ‘the basic elements tend to remain same everywhere’. The bowler needs to guess and throw down the same number as the batter. If he does, a dismissal occurs; if not, the number shown by the batsman (ranging from 1 to 6) is added to the total.
Be it an international match on the pitch, or a one-wicket-per-side game for winning the rights to pursue a friendship with a common crush, the spirit remains the same. And as every lover of the game knows, it will hurt no one if the core of the game never changes, be it a Test, a T20, or a friendly encounter of ‘hand cricket’.”
40th over (of 49): New Zealand 184-5 (Williamson 77, De Grandhomme 33) – target 242. Powerplay three is initiated, and Ngidi returns – and returns well, varying his pace and movement (and also because his hamstring is a little knacked) and offering nothing. One Williamson single is all it yields.
Unmistakeable echoes of NZ’s win over Bangladesh here – tight in the field, surviving a middle-overs wobble with the bat before easing (ish) home.
And with that, I’ll hand you back to Daniel to guide you home. Thanks for your company and emails.
39th over (of 49): New Zealand 183-5 (Williamson 76, De Grandhomme 33) – target 242. De Grandhomme’s taking this away from South Africa now, he’s onto a short one from Phehlukwayo like a rash and pulls him into the stand for SIX more. He adds another pair of twos.
“Tom, you posit that South Africa needed a wicket in the next 5 overs, and next minute Neesham is gone,” marvels Danielle Tolson, soliciting lottery number info. “Any other suggestive superpowers you possess may be welcome. I wonder if the Black Caps should have swapped out Henry for Southee & Neesham for Nicholls today given the way the game has played out so far (Mike Hesson recommended this for the game against India that didn’t happen, even just to give them same game time, but might have been more useful for a bunch of reasons in this one).”
38th over (of 49): New Zealand 173-5 (Williamson 76, De Grandhomme 23) – target 242. Close! De Grandhomme scoops Tahir just short of the man at short midwicket, Miller. And then – worse! – a drop, as De Grandhomme similarly misreads and flicks wide of a diving Miller, who can only palm it away. It was a tough chance, but a pivotal one. Tahir finishes with 0-33 from 10 – an excellent effort. He’s heartily cheered by the crowd.
37th over (of 49): New Zealand 169-5 (Williamson 74, De Grandhomme 21) – target 242. New Zealand look back on course now. Phehulukwayo returns and De Grandhomme swivels and flicks his second ball into the Hollies Stand – an easy six. Williamson, meanwhile, can anchor this home now – as long as his colleagues don’t do anything daft.
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36th over (of 49): New Zealand 160-5 (Williamson 72, De Grandhomme 14) – target 242. Tahir continues, and no boundaries are attempted, but plenty of singles are scurried, one of which almost does for Williamson, who’s almost out off the last ball of the over. Gone if he’d hit.
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35th over (of 49): New Zealand 154-5 (Williamson 70, De Grandhomme 10) – target 242. De Grandhomme drives square for one before Williamson gets hold of one for the first time in a while, a merciless pull to the long-on boundary for four.
Kali Srikanth wants to talk tapping: “Well it is the equivalent of tennis players bouncing the balls quintessentially infinite times before serving.It is for the same reason as to “get into a flow/rhythm” or rather a soothing ritual.” So does Olly Horne: “I think tapping the bat is useful for convincing yourself 1) you’re stood in the right place, and 2) your bat isn’t at a funny angle in your hand. That, and at least you’re hitting ‘something’!”
While Howard Roberts at Edgbaston is fulminating against the currently malfunctioning scoreboard. “If the atmosphere is flat it is because the crowd don’t know the detail of what is happening,” he says. “In a tight game - unforgivable. Apparently Uber available though.” Well that’s the main thing – the gig economy purrs on.
34th over (of 49): New Zealand 148-5 (Williamson 65, De Grandhomme 9) – target 242. It could be a game of attack and counterattack now, a development acknowledged by the return of Tahir from the City End. The batsmen manage to rotate the strike comfortably enough – three from it.
New Zealand need 94 from 15 overs – more than six an over.
33rd over (of 49): New Zealand 145-5 (Williamson 63, De Grandhomme 8) – target 242. Williamson drives uppishly at Morris but it falls short of the man at mid-off, and they nab a single, but Morris earns a deserved third wicket when his cross-seamer is edged by the left-hander to Amla, who dives forward to snaffle. De Grandhomme, excellent with the ball earlier, is the new man in though, and he begins with a statement two and a crunching four over midwicket. Two more ensue and this could go any way now.
Wicket! Neesham c Amla b Morris 23, New Zealand 137-5
Morris breaks a sticky partnership, edging to Amla who dives low to take it comfortably. And drinks.
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32nd over (of 49): New Zealand 136-4 (Williamson 62, Neesham 23) – target 242. I’d like to see how England get on on a sticky surface like this – scoring really is easy, and it’s not beyond the bounds that they’d have a Pakistan-in-the-Champions Trophy-style horror show on it, though their attack and tactics are better now than two years ago. Williamson edges, but edges hard, at Phehlukwayo and it careers down to the fine leg boundary for four. Neesham plays his best shot so far too, on-driving a full delivery stylishly for four. A much more productive over
“It is 5 AM on a wintry early morning in Wellington,” scene-sets Hari Shankar. “The kettle is on. Have the fire going. My dog is staring at me with displeasure. Even the birds are quiet. Nervous start for a lot of kiwis today. Will this go to the wire like that memorable Auckland encounter?” I think it will, yes. Though South Africa need a wicket in the next five overs.
31st over (of 49): New Zealand 125-4 (Williamson 57, Neesham 19) – target 242. An energetic piece of fielding from Amla denies Williamson a run with a dab to backward point. This is good pressure, and good fielding, and Rabada ends the over with a half-hearted appeal for a catch behind, but the review is spurned. There have been none in this innings.
30th over (of 49): New Zealand 124-4 (Williamson 56, Neesham 19) – target 242. A breather for Tahir, a return for the mildly inconsistent Phehlukwayo, who begins with a rather rancid wide down legside. Though Williamson struggles a tad to pick his slower ball, and essays a rare and ugly hoik and miss at one of them. Another unconvincing inside-edge brings two. That was Williamson’s least convincing over of his innings – he didn’t middle anything.
29th over (of 49): New Zealand 119-4 (Williamson 53, Neesham 18) – target 242. A second spell for Rabada and he begins with a tightish just-back-of-a-length over that goes for two ones and a two. This is going the distance.
“I’m back,” roars Kanishk Srinivasan, “and with a more existential question for you and the OBO-spectators. Why do batsmen tap their bats as the bowler makes their run-up? I watched all my batting heroes do it as I was growing up, so I did the same, but I never actually knew why it was necessary. It came to the point where I found the sound of the tapping bat soothing. I’d be happy with any answers (humorous or informative).” Yep, it was complete orthodoxy, back in the day, though Graham Gooch was my idol as a kid and he had a high tap-less backlift
28th over (of 49): New Zealand 115-4 (Williamson 50, Neesham 17) – target 242. Neesham takes on Tahir properly for the first time, hitting a half-volley with the spin over midwicket for four, and Williamson moves to a vital half-century by the time the over’s done. Does anyone make batting look so easy?
A touch of flamboyance reported by Aditi Prabhudesai “Apropos of nothing [is anything ever “apropos of something” - OBO ed], yesterday during the match footage was shown of a man, clad in black, knee-deep in pumping out push-ups. His face was hidden. When he finally got up, lo and behold it was Bruce Oxenford. The conscience was suitably pricked. Also, watching Oxenford without his Perspex appendage is like watching Nick Fury without his eye-patch.”
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27th over (of 49): New Zealand 109-4 (Williamson 47, Neesham 12) – target 242. Ngidi is doing a really important job here, denying New Zealand an end from which they can cut loose. Two singles and a neat clip through midwicket from a well-read slower ball complete the over.
26th over (of 49): New Zealand 105-4 (Williamson 46, Neesham 11) – target 242. Tahir ties Neesham in venture-scout standard knots with a devilish off-break which whistles past the left-hander. It’s the highlight of another parsimonious over.
It was always bound to happen. Alastair Horne nominates “the Australians finally getting caught” as his moment of the decade. Say Alastair, have you met my good friend Russell?
25th over (of 49): New Zealand 103-4 (Williamson 45, Neesham 10) – target 242. An excellent maiden. Ngidi flummoxes Williamson with an in-swinging slower ball that brushes past the batsman’s midriff. It’s followed by a smattering of good shots for no run. South Africa have four men in on the one on the offside, and they’re all stopping runs. We’re halfway through New Zealand’s reply and they’re not in Bon Jovi territory yet.
Validation from our man Abhijato, re Perera: “I agree with you, Tom. This is the perfect definition as well as representation of cricket from the past decade - the guts, the glory, the upsets, the resurgence of Test cricket, and the perennial joy of being the viewer in the background as your heroes pull off impossible feats. What a beautiful sport this is!” That it is.
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24th over (of 49): New Zealand 103-4 (Williamson 45, Neesham 10) – target 242. Tahir treats himself to a celebrappeal against Neesham, but De Kock cautions that it pitched outside leg, which it did. It’s all pressure though, as is the fine stop at extra-cover that denies a crunching Neesham drive a run. Just the one from the spinner’s fifth over.
23rd over (of 49): New Zealand 102-4 (Williamson 44, Neesham 10) – target 242. Ngidi replaces Morris after a superb spell from the latter. Strike rotation takes New Zealand into three figures, but Ngidi offers no freebies. Five singles.
India news: Dhawan is officially out of the World Cup – a horrible blow for him and India, though no team probably has more batting depth. Rishabh Pant is confirmed as the replacement.
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22nd over (of 49): New Zealand 97-4 (Williamson 41, Neesham 8) – target 242. This is a high-calibre battle: one of the wiliest spinners in the world against one of the most accomplished batsmen. Williamson is being pretty respectful, though you wonder whether Neesham’s more the type to go ‘what the hell’ and try to launch it. No sign of it yet, though. A watchful three from the over.
21st over (of 49): New Zealand 94-4 (Williamson 39 Neesham 7) – target 242. Williamson attempts to reassert himself with a lovely on-drive for four and the runs flow a bit more freely again after the recent mood-changing jitters. The next dozen or so overs could decide this match. It’s beautifully poise. I’m wary of saying “intriguing” because that smacks a little too much, in cricket parlance, of “Nothing much is happening but it’s fascinating, honest.” It is fascinating, mind.
20th over (of 49): New Zealand 86-4 (Williamson 33 Neesham 5) – target 242. “Now that the format-talk has been guillotined,” writes Surendranath Halder, “let us discuss something else - what is the most iconic cricketing moment of this decade so far? For me, it was Dhoni’s World Cup winning six. What about you, as well as others?” To be Anglo-centric I might go for Stokes at Cape Town in 2016, or perhaps Perera’s remarkable, unforeseen match-winning turn for Sri Lanka in South Africa earlier this year.
Tahir sends down another very tidy over, that yields only two singles.
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19th over (of 49): New Zealand 84-4 (Williamson 32 Neesham 0) – target 242. The tables continue to turn as the left-handed Latham edges behind to become the third wicket to fall for eight runs. He has the incoming left-hander, Jimmy Neesham, in trouble straight away with another teasing away swinger slanted across him. It’s a seamer’s paradise at the moment, though Neesham likes to have a go and is offered room to square-drive for four, which he does.
“Can something be high on quality, intriguing, as well as boring, often simultaneously?” asks OB Jato, speaking my language. “Because going by what we’ve seen so far in this paradoxical World Cup, that is exactly what could happen over the next few weeks!”
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Wicket! Latham c De Kock b Morris 1, New Zealand 80-4
Again! South Africa are in the ascendancy now – Morris hits the corridor of uncertainty with unerring menace and Latham edges limply behind.
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18th over (of 49): New Zealand 80-3 (Williamson 32 Latham 1) – target 242. Williamson edges wide of slip for four as Tahir finds deceptive loop and bounce, and the captain was pretty discomfited by that. And also by another tossed-up googly outside off that he swishes at and misses. This is compelling stuff. Four from the over, but Tahir won’t mind too much about that.
17th over (of 49): New Zealand 76-3 (Williamson 28, Latham 1) – target 242. And another! Morris changes ends and induces a lazy flick to the keeper from Taylor. Encouraging for the quick bowler, who sends down a fine probing over locating movement and swing, and for Tahir, who has something to aim at at the other end.
Wicket! Taylor c De Kock b Morris 1, New Zealand 74-3
A change of ends for Morris, and another change of luck. He strangles Taylor down the legside and a potential matchwinner is back in the shed. Do we have a game now?
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16th over (of 49): New Zealand 74-2 (Williamson 27, Taylor 1) – target 242. Time for Tahir, not without reason. The spinner comes on at the City End but Ross Taylor is at him smartly, advancing to get off the mark before it bounces. But a textbook googly has Williamson in bother as he dobs it uppishly back to the bowler but the ball drops just short of him. An encouraging sttart.
15th over (of 49): New Zealand 72-2 (Williamson 26) – target 242. Phehlukwayo overpitches, Williamson punishes, with an effortless cover drive to the boundary, and then makes it eight from two with an emphatic swivel-pull. This is costly for South Africa – but then they get a freakish stroke of luck, as Guptill treads on his stumps.
In true union conference style, we’re going to guillotine the format debate now and ask the proposer to offer his right of reply. Over to you Abhijato:
The format was just an abstract idea I had over dinner a few days ago, and I am overwhelmed by the reaction. Here I go, then, to add a few points of my own to some of the correspondence - Both Nick and Kanishk have pointed out quite a valid cause for concern. I was trying to tie-in the overall spirit of the ODI World Championship (first edition starts from later this year) with the World Cup better than the current form of its existence. The teams in G1 would have played the best cricket and are merely getting rewarded now for their consistency over the last four years. As for the matches being semi-conscious, it’s a valid concern. The same phenomenon might happen in this 2019 edition, since qualification is almost secure for the top four halfway through. But the incentive of getting the best spots for the knockouts will mean quality matches are still played. Also, many thanks to Mr Baxter. He is indeed right about the typo, as well as the format. Even I myself am not sure about this!
Wicket! Guptill ht wicket b Phehlukwayo 35, New Zealand 72-2
What a strange one. Guptill rocks back to pull into the onside, but then slides backwards as he sets off for the run and careers into his stumps. He’d looked totally unperturbed until then.
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14th over (of 49): New Zealand 61-1 (Guptill 35, Williamson 15) – target 242. Morris sends a beautiful outswinger off the seam and past Williamson’s outside edge, before a bit of sloppiness on the boundary from Rabada turns a one into a two.
13th over (of 49): New Zealand 58-1 (Guptill 33, Williamson 14) – target 242. Guptill on-drives Phehlukwayo without middling, and the ball runs away for four. Mark Nicholas in the commentary box reckons there’s not much in it, but until wickets come, it’s advantage New Zealand.
“Can you give Julian Menz (over 11) off for bunching Afghanistan and Bangladesh together with a rather insulting “/”,” snorts Damian Burns. “The two teams are worlds apart as demonstrated by their quite differing performances in this competition.” To be fair, I think he was talking Bangladesh sides of yore, though they’ve been beating the big boys for 20 years now.
12th over (of 49): New Zealand 53-1 (Guptill 29, Williamson 13) – target 242. South Africa have kept it tight but these batsmen don’t look in too much bother and the ever-unruffled Williamson drives Morris down the ground for four. There could have been another when Williamson pulls firmly across the line but Van du Dussen continues his distinguished day with a good stop in front of the ropes. These sorts of low-thrumming scoreboard-nudging overs suit the Kiwis just fine.
11th over (of 49): New Zealand 46-1 (Guptill 27, Williamson 8) – target 242. Another like for like change: Phehlukwayo for Rabada. Three singles on the offside ensue.
“Good afternoon/evening from sunny Sweden Tom,” says Julian Menz. “Thanks to you and your colleagues for the OBOs. No live coverage here, kid (Molly, 4 years old. Teaching her cricket, a life-skill that will prove invaluable growing up in Scandinavia), £8/pint etc. I have to disagree with Uma (4th over). The gap is far from unbridgable. The ‘lesser’ teams have come up with some solid performances during this WC. The semi-finalists might seem pre-ordained now, but the bigger picture is far from clear. Should the West Indies/SA/Sri Lanka now be considered minnows? Would England pre-Morgan and his merry band of bashers have beaten the current Afghanistan/Bangladesh teams?” My estimations? In 99, no; in 2003 yes; 2007 - no; 2011 - no; 2015 - Nooooooo!
10th over (of 49): New Zealand 43-1 (Guptill 26, Williamson 6) – target 242. The first bowling change sees Chris Morris on for Ngidi, and Guptill flat-bats him over cover for two. Morris isn’t happy with the scuffed state of of the bowling crease and the groundsman is summoned forth for a spot of ad-hoc gardening. But there are no other scoring shots in the over, and there’s a bit of a Test match vibe to proceedings at the moment. South Africa will be cautiously pleased with how they’ve started, as powerplay one comes to a close – more wickets required though
Here’s Mark Ireland with what might be my favourite new format suggestion thus far: “Two groups of eight (thus allowing minor nations) Only the top two teams go through to quarter finals (making each game count)The bottom two teams go outThe middle four teams in each group play off against each other (call it a wild card round) with the winners joining the top teams in the quarter finals.Straight knockout from then on. A “major” team would need to be truly awful to not even make the wild card round, and the “minor” teams still have a good chance to get through to a knockout game. Sounds good to me (well, obviously).”
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9th over (of 49): New Zealand 41-1 (Guptill 24, Williamson 6) – target 242. Williamson pushes Rabada away for three. The rest of the over is lean and tight, and yields just one more. These batsman aren’t forcing it at this point (though they don’t need to), though South Africa are keeping them honest.
Here’s a format idea from Sean Cunningham: “Using the ranking to create groups would not be all bad. However, there is a need for a 16th team to make it all work.
At the beginning of the competition groups are made up as follows:
- Rankings, 1, 8, 9 and 16
- Rankings 2, 7,10 and 15
- Rankings 3,6,11 and 14
- Rankings 4 ,5, 12 and 13
Round robin to order each group then a further 4 rounds to the final.
Round 1: A1 vs D4 (E), A2 vs D3 (F), A3 vs D2 (G), A4 vs D1 (H), B1 vs C4 (I), B2 vs C3 (J), B3 vs C2 (K), B4 vs C1 (L).
QF: E vs J (M), F vs K (N), G vs L (O), H vs I (P):
SF: M vs P (Q), N vs O.
Final P vs Q.
27 Matches total”
And here’s Kevin Sims: “As a replacement for Net Run Rate, why not make use of DRS reviews. DRS review rate would be successful reviews minus unsuccessful reviews.” Hmm. NRR is a fairly important gauge of all-round one-day skills.
8th over (of 49): New Zealand 37-1 (Guptill 23, Williamson 3) – target 242. This is a good surface to bowl on if you mix your lengths up a little and don’t stray too wide. Ngidi finds the right balance with some good in-the-blockhole bowling that Guptill can’t work away until he nonchalantly flicks the final ball of the over over extra cover for four
Our email server is currently straining on the weight of all your CWC format suggestions – it’s a subject over which we will wrangle at least three times longer than we do over Brexit. I’ll try to come to some of them in due course.
But there’s heartbreaking news for Justin Horton, as Tor Turner fesses up to a bum steer. “Scratch that, it wasn’t released until 2003. I was a lad then but Twitter reliably informs me Justin was not. Sorry mate! Turns out, pretty popular topic for books about football. Ah bugger it made it in before I could send this. Oh well, thanks for the mention.”
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7th over (of 49): New Zealand 32-1 (Guptill 19, Williamson 3) – target 242. Rabada puts the schackles back on, accurate and just back of a length for the most part. Only one run from the over, a flick to midwicket for one from Guptill.
“I found Justin Horton’s book,” yelps Tor Turner. “I reckon it’s ‘The Stretford Enders’ by Trevor Colgan – it’s a trilogy, in the last book he knackers his leg and his girlfriend leaves him to run off to London. Not right world class reading but I remember picking it out of the school library when I was a lad.”
6th over (of 49): New Zealand 32-1 (Guptill 18, Williamson 3) – target 242. Guptill will punish anything overpitched, which he does first by summarily dismissing him through midwicket for four. And when Ngidi overpitches twice more, Guptill creams two more boundaries straight past him. The shackles come off.
John Starbuck writes in to brag that all this Michael Hardcastle stuff was before his time. “I got most of my sports stories from the Rover, the Wizard etc. but this might help:”
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5th over (of 49): New Zealand 19-1 (Guptill 5, Williamson 3) – target 242. De Kock fumbles after Williamson turns Rabada round the corner, but he does enough to slow the speed of the ball and ensure it’s two rather than four. Rabada then sends a jaffer jagging past Williamson’s outside edge – some encouraging shape and line there. South Africa are bowling well in the main.
4th over (of 49): New Zealand 17-1 (Guptill 5, Williamson 1) – target 242. Ngidi has a persistent lbw shout after thudding into a driving Guptill, but Du Plessis declines, rightly, to send it upstairs. It was high and wide down legside. It’s a very good over – varied and accurate. South Africa, and maybe the tournament, need more like this.
“The problem with cricket is that it is like Formula One,” reckons Uma Venkatraman, contentiously, “no matter what format you adopt, the gulf between the top and the bottom is unbridgeable; maybe there should be a reserve group of players from various countries who are in the squad but didn’t make it to the playing 11 of their teams. The weaker teams such as Afghanistan or say Ireland or Scotland (if they are included), even Bangladesh - though I hesitate now to call them weak - should be allowed to pick up to three players from the reserve group for their teams. That will give them some necessary firepower and may get them an upset victory or two.”
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3rd over (of 49): New Zealand 15-1 (Guptill 3, Williamson 1) – target 242. Just what South Africa need – the early scalp of Munro, who’d looked in the mood. Williamson is off the mark with a push through midwicket for one, and Rabada can’t quite maintain the pressure or the rhythm for the remainder of the over, which includes the second wide of the innings. New Zealand sent down only four in the Proteas’ 49 overs at the crease.
“Trying to get my head around Abhijato Sensarma’s proposed format and I think I’m being stymied by a typo,” writes Jim Baxter. “In the third paragraph, where it says, ‘QF4: G1 third runners-up v G2 fourth runners-up’, shouldn’t that be ‘G1 third runners-up v *G1* fourth runners-up’? … Either way, I still have no idea whether I think it’s a good idea or not.”
Wicket! Munro c & b Rabada 9, New Zealand 12-1
Vital early strike. Rabada hurries up Munro from round the wicket, and he edges into his pads and up for the bowler to lunge forward and take a fine return catch.
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2nd over (of 49): New Zealand 12-0 (Guptill 2, Munro 9) – target 242. Ngidi sends down a promising opening over, beating Guptill outside off with a tricky lifter. A legside wide undermines it a little but the bowler found the right lengths there.
Nick Parish has views on formats: “Surely the big problem with this suggestion is the huge number of dead (or at least, semi-conscious) matches. Everyone in G1 qualifies, so you have 10 matches on which all that hangs is the position in which they qualify – which is a nice-to-have, but wouldn’t create the same amount of real tension as if they were playing for whether they qualified. Similarly only one team qualifies in G3 so as soon as any team loses two matches it also loses all interest in the tournament. I can’t do any better in coming up with the right answer, but this isn’t it.”
So does Kanishk Srinivasan: “Regarding Abhijato’s format for the World Cup, I think issues could also come up with the fact that all the teams in G1 (top five ranked teams) get a guaranteed position in the knockout phase. Apart from positions in the group table and the spirit of the competition, that could mean that they end up taking the matches in the round-robin phase for granted, and that wouldn’t really make for fun viewing either if we knew they’d all get through. Plus, fewer top-five teams could make the knockouts much more competitive. So maybe 3 from G1, 3 from G2 and 2 from G1 to go through to the quarter finals?” My head’s starting to hurt.
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1st over (of 49): New Zealand 9-0 (Guptill 1, Munro 8) – target 242. South Africa need to attack from the off here, which is not something they’ve done particularly well thus far, and New Zealand get above the rate straight away. Rabada opens up from the Pavilion End, with two slips in. Guptill clips a single to get on the scoreboard but Munro isn’t hanging about – he rarely does – and flays his first ball through the covers for four, and pushes the next through the same area for another boundary. That was an impeccable piece of timing and placement.
The players are back out
“Tom, why not adopt the americas cup format for the cricket world cup?” asks Ken McMahon. I can think of a few but do go on: “The defending champ decides where to hold the event and what the rules are. Could be a lot of carbon fiber bats and high tech accessories involved. Also the balls light up as well as the bails. Then each team selects the best players they can afford from whichever country they come from, but they represent the country that pays. Then all challengers have a knock out series to decide who plays in the best of 9 final against the defender who has been able to watch them all play and prepare a strategy at leisure. I think this looks a pretty fair sort of format!”
Well it’s bold, but surely skewed even more in favour of the richest than the current format. I therefore expect the ICC to adopt it for 2023 at their earliest convenience.
Mid-innings reading, in case you missed it earlier.
Some deflating news for India (and the tournament):
And some bold speaking of brains by Russell Cunningham:
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An email from, would you believe, Abhijato Sensarma, who’s probably assembled more words on this World Cup than our entire cricket desk put together.
I would like to present my (rather radical) World Cup format once again to get your thoughts about it:
Top ten teams according to ODI rankings will be divided into two groups of five teams each. Teams ranked 1-5 occupy G1 and teams ranked 5-10 occupy G2. Top five teams from Qualifying Tournament occupy G3.
Each team plays others in its group once. All teams of G1 will qualify for the Knockouts (a reward for overall excellent form over the last four years), top two teams will qualify from G2, and the group winner will qualify from G3.
The quarter finals happen after the round-robin fixtures are over. QF1: G1 winner v G3 winner; QF2: G1 first runners-up v G2 first runners-up; QF3: G1 second runners-up v G2 winner; QF4: G1 third runners-up v G2 fourth runners-up. SF1: QF1 winner v QF4 winner; SF2: Q2 winner v Q3 winner. Final: SF1 winner v SF2 winner.
This format does what the ODI Championship seeks to do in a more concrete manner - make all matches played in the four-year-cycle relevant. Teams will be motivated to perform since being in G1 gives secure qualification to the Knockouts. 37 matches played overall, with Big Three getting 5 guaranteed matches. Your take on the matter?
It’s a bit too Uefa Nations League for my jaded palate, a bewildering format that always makes me think of this. But you’ve put some proper thought into the quarter-final format, which makes it better than the shall-we/shan’t-we-take-it-seriously football tournament. Though I’m wary of enshrining The Big Three as a defined entity with Needs, that must be met in some way.
New Zealand still haven’t conceded a 250+ score in this tournament yet. Bowling first every time for them appears to have worked a dream, though it might leave them a tad untested in certain batting areas when tougher tests arrive (and they had some nervy moment against Bangladesh), but they’ve been on top in this game pretty much from the off. But … but … it doesn’t look an easy pitch to bat on, and if South Africa can take some early wickets we could have a proper contest.
“If people are doing Michael Hardcastle,” says Justin Horton, “can anybody else remember the one where the hero breaks his leg at the end, and his girlfriend leaves him, suggesting he find somebody who likes football? I recall the plot, but the name of the book completely escapes me.” Football and heartbreak there, the closest of bedfellows, as ever. Anyone?
Innings complete: South Africa 241-6
49th over: South Africa 241-6 (Van der Dussen 67, Morris 6). Ferguson bowls the final over, the first ball of which is top-edged by Morris over the keeper for four – if you’re gonna hook, hook hard. A miscue to mid-off from a well-disguised slower cutter brings a single before Van der Dussen clatters a long-hop over long-on for a cleanly struck SIX, and follows it with a lofted straight drive for four off the final ball of the over. South Africa scrambled 53 from the final five. It’s probably not enough but could have been a lot lower. Ferguson finishes with three for 59 from 10.
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48th over: South Africa 226-6 (Van der Dussen 57, Morris 1). “SA batsmen are playing some great one day cricket here if, um, we somehow went through a time warp and travelled back to 1992,” mocks François Badenhorst. “How very dare you sir,” retorts Van der Dussen, pulling Henry over deep square leg for SIX, and then almost perishing playing the same shot next ball – but Ferguson spills what doesn’t look too difficult a chance. It’s waist-high by the time it reaches him but it goes in and out of the hand. I’d have probably dropped it, mind. The rest of the over, with pace taken off a tad, is a bit more problematic for the batsmen. Eight from it isn’t enough at this stage. One to come.
47th over: South Africa 218-6 (Van der Dussen 50, Morris 0). Van der Dussen brings up a hardfought 50, from 56 balls, with a nudge off his hips from Ferguson, who gets carried away next ball by bouncing Phehlukwayo for his first ball. It’s a wide. But the new man can’t get hold of it, swinging and missing at Ferguson’s next ball, then swinging and connecting but only dollying it up to Williamson at mid-off. Easy. The new man Morris, who can hit the cricket ball hard, can’t get bat on cricket ball for two deliveries nor score off the third.
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Wicket! Phehlukwayo c Williamson b Ferguson 0, New Zealand 218-6
Ferguson has a third, the new man – never comfortable – mistiming an uppish hoik to mid-off.
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46th over: South Africa 216-5 (Van der Dussen 49, Phehlukwayo 0). Boult goes short at Van der Dussen, hemming him in effectively, and also giving him some grief as he top edges a hook into his grill. The physio comes on to give him the once-over, but a check and some new gloves and he’s ready to resume. So ready that he cracks the very next ball straight past the bowler for four. Six from the over.
Some earlier highbrow lit chat – the reprise. “Michael Hardcastle,” exclaims Nick Parish. “Good Lord, there’s a blast from the past. Always felt his books had no proper climax and fizzled out. Did you ever read the Napper McCann series by Martin Waddell? They were really terrific – and with lots of pictures of the action that made you want to smash your pillow into the corner of the duvet.” Alas I never did, probably to my folks’ relief on bed-changing day.
45th over: South Africa 210-5 (Van der Dussen 44, Phehlukwayo 0). Ferguson – one of the sleeper hits of this World Cup – returns from the City End – and gets some treatment at last. Two fours – a controlled pull and a flick to fine leg – start the over. Having been jinxed by my singing of his praises, Ferguson’s radar is a little off here, but no matter – he gets a wicket, when Miller perishes forcing the pace, which he probably had to do. Kitchen sinks need to be hurled at each of these remaining four overs now.
Wicket! Miller c Boult b Ferguson 36, South Africa 208-5
Miller slaps two fours to start the over, but then holes out with an upper cut to deep backward point and Boult runs round to gather well.
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44th over: South Africa 198-4 (Van der Dussen 41, Miller 27). Miller flicks a low Boult full-toss to the deep midwicket boundary for two, which is followed by a run-out review, with Van der Dussen having to dive home at the non-striker’s end after Miller had slapped to Williamson at point. He’s in. Another risky single – testament to South Africa’s nervy frustration – would have led to a definite run-out had Santner’s throw not been awry. But … frustraton schmustration: Miller belts a Boult half-volley over wide long-on for another of those SIXES, that they have now. South Africa’s hopes of scrambling a chaseable score in the next five over weigh heavily on the left-hander’s shoulders.
43rd over: South Africa 187-4 (Van der Dussen 40, Miller 17). Afternoon everyone. Thanks Dan, Tom taking over for the rest of this innings and the bulk of New Zealand’s, though it may not last long. What a tight, canny side the Black Caps are. Henry continues and Miller tries to take on the short ball with a swish across the line … through to the keeper it goes. It’s another boundary-free over. Four singles from it.
42nd over: South Africa 183-4 (Van der Dussen 39, Miller 15) As I was saying, Van der Dussen has had enough, and bends down low to cream Santner over long off for six. But he and Miller can only find three singles thereafter, so that’s enough of me - here’s Tom Davies to coax you through onslaught.
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41st over: South Africa 173-4 (Van der Dussen 36, Miller 14) Matt Henry returns after his opening spell and one can only conclude that this pitch is a cad. The batsmen add three singles and a leg bye, and there’s no reason to think they can turn this up significantly because they’ve been trying to for a while - 220 looks about right from here.
“I’m afraid Kanishk has the rules of book cricket completely wrong,” says Matt Brown. “Open book at the random page - check. Count up letters in words - check. But monstrous scores are unlikely because if the word starts with ‘b’, ‘c’, ‘s’, ‘l’ or ‘r’ then you’re out. H for hit wicket, handled ball or hit bat twice just tilted it too much towards the bowlers. So, some mighty collapses happened! Mind you, maybe this is why India racked up huge scores while England collapsed like a deck of cards throughout the 1980s and 1990s!”
The Matt Brown, I trust.
40th over: South Africa 169-4 (Van der Dussen 28, Miller 12) “Squeeze here!” shouts Williamson as Santner returns, and squeeze he does, a single forced down the ground by Miller the first run from the over, from its fifth ball. Van der Dussen then pushes to mid off, and that’s yer lot. That was a powerplay over, by the way, because this is a 49-over a side game, because, well you know the answer to that one and it’s not rain.
39th over: South Africa 166-4 (Van der Dussen 26, Miller 11) Boult returns and Van der Dussen whacks through cover, only for Munro to shark around the rope, dive, and save the four. New Zealand’s ground-fielding has been excellent today, and he’s at it again when Miller hits to midwicket.
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38th over: South Africa 159-4 (Van der Dussen 22, Miller 8) Ferguson continues as commentary discusses the pitch not being such a belter after all - the groundsman told Mark Nicholas that it’s the hardest he’s ever had to prepare, given the presence of rain and absence of sun, a pin-sharp metaphor for the state of things round this way. Two singles and a wide from the over, and where, exactly, is this going? Maybe someone will play a shot once they’ve seen the shine off.
37th over: South Africa 156-4 (Van der Dussen 21, Miller 8) De Grandhomme panels in for the last over of what’s been an excellent spell; Miller gets under him to loft over mid off, but Henry runs it down and they run three. Four singles follow and that’s a bit better, but 156-4 is at this stage is very curious. Someone needs to tell Van der Dussen that the ball cussed his mum down; De Grandhomme finishes with 1-33 off his 10.
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36th over: South Africa 149-4 (Van der Dussen 19, Miller 2) We’re shown some rough on the pitch that might appeal to Imran Tahir and repel New Zealand’s lefties, but South Africa have a lot of work to do to make it even halfway relevant. In the meantime, Ferguson stomps in as pace and the batsmen can find only singles, a ball with extra bounce caressing Miller’s back arm a right sair yin. Welcome to the match, old mate!
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35th over: South Africa 145-4 (Van der Dussen 17, Miller 1) De Grandhomme continues and concedes five. The attack is on!
“We never played car cricket in Indian schools,” laments Kanishk Srinivasan, but book cricket was quite the popular sport. We’d flip the pages of our Chemistry/Physics/other seemingly irrelevant subjects textbooks and stop at a random page and add the numbers to create monstrous scores. Wickets fell if the last digit of the page number was zero. All done under the negligent eye of our teachers who weren’t bothered enough to see what the backbenchers in a class of 50+ students were up to. Needless to say, I had never found Science textbooks more useful until we discovered those games. Once in a while, the less clever kids were caught and after a fair number of warnings, were also given a day off from school to reflect on their sins, which they ended up using to come up with more interesting games and ways to avoid the attention of the more proactive teachers.”
34th over: South Africa 138-4 (Van der Dussen 12, Miller 1) Yet another quiet one, just three from it. Drinks, and someone should give the batsmen a livener. Which seamless segue leads us to...
“Are you still doing keys stories?” asks Tom Whitehead, “or has the mood moved on? During an evening of relentless refreshment with a cricketing pal, I once ended up with the keys to a certain Sports Bar in London’s West End, We arrived at the bar after closing time to find the place deserted, the front door ajar and the keys dangling in the lock. Gripped by a tipsy sense of public duty we let ourselves in to “keep an eye on the place in case anyone else let themselves in to cause trouble”. Naturally we took the opportunity to “see if the Ashes Test was on the telly” as England were down under at the time.
Of course we totally failed to work the fiendishly complicated multi-screen audio-visual system. We may not have even been on the right night to see any cricket anyway. We did manage to enjoy a couple of pints of cooking lager and a large dram (which we paid for of course) before we were unceremoniously scuffled out by the manager when we went looking for munchies in the kitchen and discovered him playing a rather serious-looking game of cards with the kitchen staff.”
This should be on the syllabus for any citizenship test.
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33rd over: South Africa 135-4 (Van der Dussen 10, Miller 0) I wonder if Markram is quite ready for this. Perhaps he needs to establish himself in Tests, then move over to limited overs because as well as not finding the big shots, he wasn’t really keeping the scoreboard ticking.
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WICKET! Markram c Munro b De Grandhomme 38 (South Africa 136-4)
South Africa are in shtuck! Markram swipes at one, slices, and Munro ambles in off the fence to take a simple enough catch. Hansom cab for the Proteas!
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32nd over: South Africa 135-3 (Markram 38, Van der Dussen 8) Boult takes the ball, looking to avenge himself, except Markram flows him through the covers for four. He’s a lovely player and quickly goes again, flashing hard, but this time picking out the sweeper as they run one. Two singles and a wide follow and I know South Africa need to win this but they’re playing not to lose.
“Myself and three other fifth years were passing a lunch break in a deserted maths room,” reflexive pronouns Greg Phillips. “A passing science teacher (nicknamed Ming the Merciless, both for his ruthlessness and his resemblance to Max Von Sydow’s Ming in the incomparable Queen-soundtracked film from 1980) poked his head through the doorway and reminded us we were not supposed to be there. As he left, I raised my hand and extended my middle finger, tracking his imagined path on the other side of the wall. Then I looked back at the doorway, hand and finger still in the air, and there he was, having returned to make a follow-up point. I was so guilty, so caught, and so dead. After what seemed like forever but was probably two seconds, he shook his head sadly and left. Almost 30 years later, I am still mildly surprised I lived to share this anecdote.
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31st over: South Africa 127-3 (Markram 33, Van der Dussen 6) De Grandhomme returns and Markram tries to get things moving, swiping to deep square, and running in off the fence, Boult, inexplicably, jumps into the catch, knocking the ball with his hand as a consequence before finding himself unable to regather because he’s in mid-air. Whoops. They run one, then add one more and two leg byes.
30th over: South Africa 123-3 (Markram 32, Van der Dussen 5) Santner tosses one up to Markram outside off, and he’s having no such thing, cleansing him through cover point for four. Van der Dussen then turns one away fine for two and that’s a bit better from South Africa. They used to say that you double the score at 30 to get an idea of what a team’ll get after 50 - there’s no way that’ll be enough here.
29th over: South Africa 115-3 (Markram 27, Van der Dussen 2) The pace of Lockie Ferguson is not really what you want when you’re a middle-order batsman looking to play yourself in but with runs needed quickly. But that’s what Rassie van der Dussen has got, and he quickly gets down the other end thanks to a leg bye. The batsmen then swap singles, and this is great for New Zealand.
“Should Chris Morris come in next with a brief to play a T20 innings,” asks Gary Naylor. “In that format, he strikes at 150+, so (say) 40 off 25 balls would transform this innings. As it is, he’ll come in at 8 either in a collapse or without time to make an impact. A wasted asset.”
Yes, South Africa are getting to that point - when the scorecard came up, I was looking at how they might rearrange to get things moving before they’re got moving, and that’s one way.
28th over: South Africa 112-3 (Markram 26, Van der Dussen 1) Van der Dussen gets off the mark with a single.
Drat and double drat.
WICKET! Amla b Santner 55 (South Africa 110-3)
Trouble for South Africa! Santner coaxes turn from a full one that pitches middle, as Amla looks to play a run-down; he misses and loses his off bail! That a really good ball - the bounce was what killed the batsman there.
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28th over: South Africa 110-2 (Amla 55, Markram 25) Santner has 0-20 off five; this platform has gone up more slowly than Wembley Stadium.
27th over: South Africa 107-2 (Amla 55, Markram 22) Talking of sportsfolk’s phrase making, as we were, Mark Nicholas has just noted that Lockie Ferguson - who’s back on - “bowls a fast cricket ball”. NFL types never call the the ball “the ball”, it’s always “the football”; is this to somehow assert extra and specific importance via an official, formal title? Markram takes two into the off side, then Amla drops and runs. A wide and further single follow.
26th over: South Africa 102-2 (Amla 54, Markram 19) This is a belting spell from Santner, who’s just turned Markram into a cat. Sorry, I’m currently reading the Worst Witch series, which isn’t bad though not up there with Michael Hardcastle. Four singles off the over.
“A-level physics students had to be told that the circuit needed to be complete?” asks Tom Carver. “Perhaps the deputy had been on his way to have a quiet word with Mr Armstrong’s about his teaching ability.”
Oooooh.
25th over: South Africa 98-2 (Amla 52, Markram 17) Amla is 45 from 73 here - that’s a lot of dots. Does he make sure he bats long; does he get going or get out? He takes two into the off side, then raises his fifty by flipping four past mid on ... just. “At his best, he’s close to incomparable” says mark Nicholas. Is that possible? Can one be semi-comparable?
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24th over: South Africa 91-2 (Amla 45, Markram 17) South Africa are “just letting Santner bowl” as they say. Amla takes one down the ground, then Markram pushes and Williamson dives, stops, rolls and throws ... Santner isn’t quite behind the stumps, so has to drag it onto them and Markram gets home on the dive. He celebrates by clouting a half-volley for four, and South Africa are just tickling the gas.
23rd over: South Africa 84-2 (Amla 43, Markram 12) Simon Doull wants Latham up to the stumps, and then Markram comes down and takes one on the pads. “Any international keeper worth his salt would be at the stumps right now,” fumes yerman as they chap a leg-bye. Glorious. Five off the over.
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22nd over: South Africa 79-2 (Amla 41, Markram 10) Four singles added to the total - this isn’t so intense now, and is dallying around the “one for the purists” territory. But we’re still set fair for a thriller.
“Peter Salmon’s pub based cricket game sounds like fun,” emailes Brian Withington. “I was wondering about the scarcity of scoring threes and discovered that in York there’s a pub near the Minster called the Three Legged Mare, known affectionately as the Wonkey Donkey. Presumably sighting the Fox and Hounds would cause heated debate about the size of the pack?”
Which brings us back to Rory Stewart. Mornington Crescent!
21st over: South Africa 75-2 (Amla 39, Markram 8) De Grandhomme tanks through another one, conceding just two. This is like the 1992 World Cup final.
“A-level physics,” says Smylers, “the teacher (Hi, Mr Armstrong) arrives to find some of my classmates connecting the 5000 volt (but very low current) power supply to the door handle. Naturally he admonishes them, pointing out that for somebody to get a shock they’d need to be completing a circuit by touching two separate objects. So we ‘casually’ position a trolley near the door, and send a pupil out the fire escape to go round to the main door and see whether somebody entering would naturally push the trolley with one hand while still touching the door handle with t’other. While he’s out, we connect black to the door handle and red to the trolley. Our tester’s about to reach the door when ... the deputy head cuts in front of him. The circuit worked, but the unimpressed deputy head did ask the teacher to step outside for ‘a quiet word’.
Superb - A-level physics lads were lads.
20th over: South Africa 73-2 (Amla 38, Markram 7) Santner rustles through another over unmolested - who are South Africa going to go for? It’ll take a serious bowling performance to win this with 270ish.
19th over: South Africa 71-2 (Amla 37, Markram 5) De Grandhomme, who wrestles crocodiles in his spare time, barrels in and crumps Amla on the pad first up; they think about a review, but it was perhaps going down ... no, hitting the top of leg so umpire’s call. Amla then nabs a single and that’s it for the over; it’s a bit Test-match, this - South Africa need to get a wriggle on if this pitch is as good as we’ve been told.
“I’m able to watch live cricket for the first time in a good decade. I’m sure this has been noted before, but Colin de Grandhomme is big chap, isn’t he? Are there any other appropriately named cricketers?”
There are some good ironically-named footballers - Melo, Bravo, Noble, and such...
18th over: South Africa 69-2 (Amla 36, Markram 5) Santner comes on for a tweak and they knock him about for three. I reckon South Africa will be looking for 300ish here.
17th over: South Africa 66-2 (Amla 34, Markram 4) They’re struggling to get De Grandhomme away, and after Amla adds one more, he finds the away movement to beat Markram outside off. That’s drinks.
16th over: South Africa 65-2 (Amla 33, Markram 4) Ferguson begins with a bouncer and really, it’s odd how few there’ve been given how quickly how soft the white ball gets. Amla snatches a single thereafter, before Markram gets away with a drive through cover . I’m not certain he got all of that, but the big stride and bat speed forced it to the fence anyroad.
“Your story about the prank by the teacher,” says Sean Cunningham, “reminded me of a time when I was a little distraught at school and took out my anger by writing a bad word on the bathroom mirror using soap; realising someone was in the stalls I scarpered. A minute later the head boy charged into the common room demanding everyone empty their pockets to see if anyone had the ‘chalk’ use to write the word; guess what I had in my pocket?”
Gray’s Sporting Almanac?
15th over: South Africa 60-2 (Amla 32, Markram 0) This, right here, might just be the match. If these two can’t build something, this innings could well struggle. De Grandhomme into the attack and induces one play and miss from Markram after Amla adds a single. He needs to make something substantial from here.
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WICKET! Du Plessis b Ferguson 23 (South Africa 59-2)
Hit that! Ferguson sends down the first bumper of the innings, then flings down an absolute jazzer of a yorker, hissing, spitting, screeching and screaming past the bat and into off stump. That was a sensational delivery – you’d be pleased with it.
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14th over: South Africa 59-1 (Amla 31, Du Plessis 23) More short ones reckons McCullum, but instead Ferguson bangs in just back of a length and Amla’s middling them now, bumping three to wide, deep third man. And have a look! Another wide one, and Fafz doesn’t need to be asked twice, absolutely clouting four through cover to raise the 50 partnership. “We’re seeing signs that this pitch is a good one,” laments McCullum.
13th over: South Africa 52-1 (Amla 28, Du Plessis 19) Another for Henry, and this is a decent over for South Africa. A single to Du Plessis gives Amla strike and he drives uppishly for three before Du Plessis glides through mid off. De Grandhomme chases like billy=o, dives well ... and following a prolonged study, has not, in fact, saved four.
“Sorry me again,” says Peter Salmon, “but I have to ask the question we all want the answer to: HOW DID BEN POWELL GET A SKELETON KEY FOR ALL THE INTERNAL DOORS OF THE SCHOOL?!!! Surely that is the dream of every schoolboy. Could he also make himself invisible to steal stuff?”
I have a key yarn. I was once approached by a teacher, who told me he fancied playing a prank on one of my mates, so could I come up with something. I took his keys and put them in my mate’s pocket. My mate’s then sat in his next lesson and who should arrive but the teacher looking for his keys and the deputy head. “I don’t have them says my mate”; “Alright then, turn out your pockets.”
The teacher hasn’t though through this part of it, so ends up having to tell the deputy head, his boss, that actually it was all a joke. The deputy head took it well, as deputy heads are wont do.
12th over: South Africa 44-1 (Amla 25, Du Plessis 14) Ferguson replaces Boult - I daresay Du Plez and Amla in particular will be getting a close look at the maker’s name. Amla takes his loosener for one, you bet he does, and Du Plessis then slices a single to third man. Amla then takes two to point, which gives him a magical, mortifying 8000th ODI run. Only Kohli got their quicker. Amla is an absolute boss.
11th over: South Africa 40-1 (Amla 22, Du Plessis 13) Henry continues and finds some nice shape away - Du Plessis is tempted, but just pulls away at the last millisecond. These lads are so very very good. Another maiden.
10th over: South Africa 40-1 (Amla 22, Du Plessis 13) Du Plessis, who takes a big stride down the track and clumps through mid off. He doesn’t get all of it and the face closes in the process, but it speeds to the fence nonetheless ... and after a dot he gets all of the next one, wide, short and clattered through cover. A
sweetness
single follows, and I’m pretty sure South Africa would’ve took this at the start of the powerplay.
9th over: South Africa 31-1 (Amla 22, Du Plessis 4) Well look at that. Henry swishes through a maiden, but this has the look of a match that’ll be decided by wickets not runs.
“I can’t blend riffs like Abhijato,” says Ben Powell, “though I can ‘boast’ of the experience of earning a suspension from school for the crime of possessing and using (and being caught with) a skeleton key to all the internal doors of our school. I was going to describe this as the tip of the iceberg, but it was more the straw that broke the camel’s back, I feel, which other straws are probably not fit for publication in a newspaper of the Guardian’s standing. Unfortunately the suspension was in February, and I don’t recall any tour games happening at the time, and, in fact, have little memory of the extra time off, other than the prolonged (28 years and counting) bollocking it earned me from my parents.”
At least your dad wasn’t the deputy head of the school which felt such antipathy towards you, eh.
8th over: South Africa 31-1 (Amla 22, Du Plessis 4) In commentary, McCullum says he’s not sure New Zealand should’ve fielded, and Amal shows why! First, he transfers weight beautifully to drive four through cover point and then, when Boult goes around, he strokes through mid off for four more. Now he’s in! Those were vintage! He adds a single for good measure, and already this could be a key partnership.
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7th over: South Africa 22-1 (Amla 13, Du Plessis 4) This is great stuff, tough, absorbing and intense - 50-over cricket is absolutely bazzing - if South Africa can refrain from collapse, we could have waselves a serious ball-game. Du Plessis edges two - Ferguson does very well to save the boundary - and both these batsmen are in but not in at all.
“Did anyone else used to play car cricket?” asks peter Salmon. “Very simple, runs were scored based on how many legs the character in the name of a passing pub had - Red Lion was four, the swan was two, etc. Royalty, King’s Head and so on, was out. I think we had more byzantine laws that gave ones and sixes. Had the astonishing effect of making a dull car ride just that little it duller.”
Gosh, where did you grow up? Ottley or Kings Street? In my ends we had to make do with toilet cricket.
6th over: South Africa 20-1 (Amla 13, Du Plessis 2) Boult is grooved, another fuller one drawing Amla’s desperate glance; it misses and he wears a knuck on the pad, but outside leg - and we see the ball was missing leg stump too. But from here it looks a matter of time. Amla, though, is fighting, and twists two when Boult strays straight.
5th over: South Africa 18-1 (Amla 11, Du Plessis 2) Henry finds some swing off a fuller one to spirit one away from Amla, who drives airily. He’s not in nick at all, and unlike in Tests when you can perform a Strauss career-saver simply by not giving it away, there’s nowhere to hide over 50. But he adds three next ball, the only runs from the over.
“Goochie should also be remembered for being the father of the term ‘daddy hundred’” emails John Starbuck. “Perhaps lasting cricket fame is more about contributions to the language than for actual athletic feats?”
Yes, agreed - it’s funny how language permeates. I was late to the pub the other day so naturally informed I was playing catch-up. Who knew that Henry Kelly was shaping our interaction at the same time as celebrating European differences and integration?
4th over: South Africa 15-1 (Amla 8, Du Plessis 2) Another quietish over, just four from it - it’s funny really, for all the master blasting at the top - and surely that’s what Stevie was talking about - now it’s serious we’re back to the wickets in hand. The more things change and all that.
3rd over: South Africa 12-1 (Amla 5, Du Plessis 2) One off the over, a single to Amla driven into the covers. I wonder If Amal Clooney types Amla as often as I’m typing Amal.
Look at Abhijato Sensarma, effortlessly blending two riffs. “Many cricketers from the subcontinent,” he says, “(where English isn’t a native language), especially in the good old days, have one common reserve phrase which they use as a reply to all questions asked in a foreign accent they can’t comprehend - ‘The boys played well’. It’s one of the things everyone knows and laughs about, both in as well as outside the professional cricketing circle. A few years ago, when our biology teacher asked my witty classmate a question none of us knew the answer to, he stroked his imaginary beard for a while, then sagely said - ‘Ma’am, the boys played well’. He ended up getting a school, um, ‘vacation’ the next day, but it was a shared classic moment in all of our childhood highlights reel.”
My word, if that was the standard for suspension, how was anyone ever there?
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2nd over: South Africa 11-1 (Amla 4, Du Plessis 2) Du Plessis drives to extra cover and they take a second - presumably at Amla’s behest, given the look he receives - and Du Plessis has to charge home. That should have blown the cobwebs away.
WICKET! De Kock b Boult 5 (South Africa 9-1)
No there will not! Boult is full of length, gets a little bit of nip off the surface as De Kock makes room to drive, and that’s all he needs, stumps splattering like broken fingers.
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2nd over: South Africa 9-0 (De Kock 5, Amla 4) Boult is fairly charging in, but his third ball slants across De Kock and he glances it for four more. I doubt there’ll be many more of those.
1st over: South Africa 5-0 (De Kock 1, Amla 4) De Kock has a nervous flail at Henry’s second ball, doing well to avoid edging; he quickly chases down the other end with one into the leg side. Amla is then served a gift, on the pads to flick for four, and he’s away.
“A leak in my bathroom has led to me working from home this morning,” exculpates John Butler. “So now obviously watching the build up and ‘working’. Interesting to hear Amla is struggling to deal with the short ball after being hit by Archer just prior to the World Cup. Stuart Broad has never been the same batsman after he got a double black eye by the ball that got through his grill. I also got hit in the face when I was 14, which I blame for both ruining my chances of becoming an international sportsman and model. When I got hit, I just naturally reverted to playing off my back foot for what must have been a year. I wondered whether professional cricketers get counseling about this sort of thing because it’s a little like mild PTSD. Or, perhaps, even hypnosis would be useful as a therapy?”
I’m sure it’s available to them, but we’re dealing with hardwired stuff - I remember accidentally turning the hot tap on my daughter when she was less than a year old, and she baulked every time I went near it for quite some time afterwards.
Henry has the ball...
Out come De Kock and Amla, the former in form and the latter so out of it he’s forgotten that good form even exits.
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Teams!
South Africa: Amla, De Kock, Markram, Du Plessis, Van der Dussen, Miller, Phehlukwayo, Morris, Rabada, Ngidi, Tahir.
New Zealand: Guptill, Munro, Williamson, Taylor, Latham, Neesham, De Grandhomme, Santner, Henry, Ferguson, Boult.
Anthem time!
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“I remember that Gooch catch,” tweets Mr D Johns, “and it was one of the moments that made me fall in love with the whole absurd ‘circus’ (thanks, Richie Benaud). Weird the clip is labelled as lucky when there are at least 2 moments of athletic brilliance.”
Yes, agreed - it should not be forgotten that Gooch was a more than useful footballer and on West Ham’s books.
“Re cricketer placeholders,” tweets Jim Baxter. “It’s an obvious one, but the Australian tendency to start every sentence with ‘ah, look’ seems to be spreading to cricketers of other nationalities.”
I’ve read Carter Beats the Devil - I heartily recommend – so think this is what they call misdirection. Keep your eyes on the hands at all times.
And for anyone old thinking yeah, whatevz, seen that before - well you have.
Did you see this dept:
Has anyone ever seen/experienced something like this?!pic.twitter.com/tmvgkFPzsA
— Wisden (@WisdenCricket) June 18, 2019
“I’m sure Ian Rubenstein’s school pastime can be adapted to the 21st-century workplace PowerPoint cricket,” says Adrian Armstrong. “A single per bullet point, 2 per hyperlink, 4 for an image, 6 for embedded video. A wicket falls, naturally, at the end of each slide. Refinements welcome.”
I’m Theodore Donald Kerabatsos here, but think we need to allocate runs for particular phrases: blue sky, imagineer and such.
Thoughts...
It’s Beuran Hendricks who misses out.
Faf du Plessis would also have fielded, but hopes that the blue sky will help the ball come on nicely. He says that the win over Afghanistan was good for self-belief and has made one change: Lungi Ngidi is back, but we’ve not yet been told who he’s replacing.
New Zealand win the toss and will field.
They’re unchanged, and Kane Williamson notes that they’ve gone 11 days without playing.
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It’s sunny and all, so here we go to Mark Nicholas, resplendent in, er, petrol blue.
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But here we go!
Er, it’s half past the hour and we’re still watching highlights.
“Johnson is surely Ian Botham?” tweets Stanlei. “Raab is Tony Greig.”
I had Raab as Mark Lathwell – unfit for purpose and gone as soon as he arrived.
“‘If Tory leadership candidates were England cricketers of the 80s and 90s?” begins Gary Naylor. “Well, Johnson and co would have to be a lot more right wing for a start – the PCA was once described as the only trade union further to the right than its employers.”
“My first thought on reading Ian Rubenstein’s words was, ‘You don’t have to be old to have gone to school and used blackboards.’” emails Matt Dony. “My second thought was a sad, sad realisation. I’m off to listen to I Don’t Want To Grow Up by Tom Waits, and cry a little bit. I really need the cricket to start soon and distract me from the inexorable march of time.”
Yes, cricket definitely has no relationship whatsoever to the slow expiration of life.
Wrap yer peepers around this.
“Thanks for the Ian Bell ‘Like I said’ video,” says Peter Salmon. “Got some mates,” he boasts - are you sure you’re on the right webpage – “who share my obsession with this sort of thing - how is this phrase functioning for him? Obviously it’s a placeholder, but everything he prefaces with ‘Like I said’ is something he hasn’t said. So he’s drawing on general cultural norms - he reinforces his platitudes by appealing to another to verify them, in this case himself. And, perhaps reminding himself of the party line. Our main obsession is the use of ‘probably’ by sportspeople, ‘Yes, we probably played well today and we probably had the best of the umpires but the West Indies are a good side and probably they will be back and I probably like batting here etc.’ No definitive statement without a probably. We tried having a drinking game based around it, but spent too much time hammered.”
The great Gary Anderson is also a firm fan of this one, often using it to begin a sentence. In fairness, these lads have to do a lot of talking, generally to people they’d rather miss, about things they speak about a lot. So they might mean “like I said” every bloody time I’m asked this question you deem pertinent, poignant and unique.
News! We'll toss at half past the hour, and the contest will be 49 over a side.
Get expletive in.
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I just found myself thinking that, if the Tory leadership candidates were England cricketers of the 80s and 90s, who would be who (whom?)?
Of course, it’s quite hard to do this on a family website, but I’ve got Rory Stewart as Peter Such: started well, but brief investigation revealed him to be the indistinct from the rest of them.
The umpires are back...
“I can’t claim any actual school cricket heroics,” says Ian Rubenstein, but we did invent a pastime called “Gesture cricket” which was played in the classes of some of our more fidgety educators.
Touching the nose a single, glasses two. Telling a student to stand up was a boundary, out of the classroom a six.
Dismissals were signalled by a thump of blackboard (I’m old) or desk. One teacher had a fit of anger, thumped his desk repeatedly and engineered a batting collapse that saw my team dismissed for 10 runs total. Cue the four of us playing at the back of the class rolling around on the floor in hysterics.”
I love this! Can someone please engineer me a route back to school just to play this - toilet cricket was as far as we got.
Who doesn’t want more Eoin Morgan - what a human being he is. I still find it hard to grasp how few Tests he’s played, and would be seeking a way to get him back in.
“I’ve been out of the country for 20 years,” brags Tim Maitland. “Does your mention of Vimto mean you’re proper northern or has it become the ironic drink of choice by ukele-playing, man-bun wearing, moustache-waxing southern hipsters?”
I’ve worn many insults, but hipster is not one of them – I am pure unreconstructed in the proudest tradition of the OBO. I grew up drinking Vimto because my dad is Manc – we’d come back from my gran’s with carloads of that and kuchen, a kind of tea-loaf but nice, kuchen meaning cake in Yiddish. Depending on the variety selected, it came with icing, raisins, glacier cherries, cinnamon, jam and cheese and was absolutely spectacular, though think it has pretty much ceased to exist.
Ok, seeing as we’re here for a bit, one of my other school, er, holidays: reciprocating a Nescafe handshake offered from a bus window, only to accidentally trigger a rather large confab the following afternoon.
“This match is at least the prince if not the king of the roundrobin stage,” reckons Amod Paranjape. “And if South Africa are knocked out today, then are we again allowed to use the C word mate?”
C for cricketingly challenged? Definitely.
Shaun Pollock reckons 75 minutes and we’ll be out there for a full 50-over game. From your mouth to his ears, old mate.
Reinspection at 11.
The umpires have reinspected, “it’s improving” says Umpire Gould, and we’ve got another inspection at 11. The outfield is wet, all of it, and they need the sun to come out to dry stuff out ... AND THERE IT IS! There’s a good chance of play soon, they reckon, and the thunderstorms predicted for last night failed to materialise.
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“In this BCCI world cup feat. ICC,” emails Krishnamoorthy V, “should the schedule be so blatant to give a red carpet treatment to India? The India-Pakistan match on Sunday (holiday in India but not in Pakistan), gaps between matches so long that a world tour is possible between them.”
The thing that was extremely wrong was how long India waited to get going so their players could recover from the IPL. I think I know what Barry Galahad would say about it, but he’d be wrong.
“Kia Ora” begins Hari Shankar. Thanks - Vimto for me. Sorry, that is an awful joke, but here we are. Anyway: “Hello in kiwi tongue, from the southern hemisphere, where it’s dark, wet and cold. Just like your English summer. Will we have a game on? Would be fun to start the game with a haka to startle the Saffas.”
Yes, I’d say we will have a game. There’s a possibility of thunderstorms, imminently and this afternoon, but we should have enough to get something through.
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The umpires are checking the rain radar - there might be another shower imminent - but the pitch is uncovered, which is a good sign.
Email! “That photo looks positively doomsday-esque,” says Ben Bernards, “could we be looking at a rain-inspired 20/20 slap-a-thon at last? As a Kiwi, I feel the team is seriously undercooked right now. The favourites for the cup all possess openers that more often or not go big before they go home – Finch, Warner, Roy, Bairstow, Sharma & Dhawan. By way of comparison, their black-clad equivalents: Munro (one 50 in 19 innings, unlikely to ever stay longer than 10 overs) and Guptill (clearly not in form) look a poor man’s version. So much rests on Taylor and Williamson who have performed solidly rather than spectacularly, and the lower order has failed its only audition with the bat thus far vs Bangladesh.”
Yes – if New Zealand get it done, it’ll be because they win the toss, field, and their bowlers have a good day in helpful conditions.
Apparently my email hyperlink wasn’t working earlier; please send all missives to daniel.harris.casual@guardian.co.uk.
Cricinfo tells us that the umpires are making their way to the middle...
I loved Robin Smith growing up, I guess because I identified with him more than his contemporaries, who were either a bit this or a bit that. And also because when he posted that wondrous 167 not out against Australia, I was home from school with a box of Superkings, suspended for setting the floor of the science labs on fire. And obviously England still lost.
Anyway, regale us with tales of your school derring-do while we wait for some progress in the middle.
Look at this! Here’s Robin Smith being interviewed by Don McRae.
And here’s Robin Smith’s autobiography, ghosted by OBO guru Rob Smyth. It’s as brilliant as you imagine because sometimes, the cosmos just works.
There’s going to be an inspection at 10.15, after which we’re expecting nao drahmahs. This might be a good toss to win - I’m sure New Zealand will be desperate to get South Africa in.
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Aaaarrggghhh!
There’s been a lot of overnight rain and we’ve got a delayed toss. It’s dry now, though, and Baz McCullum - yeah, we’re on nickname terms – Isa Guha and Shaun Pollock have come in matching petrol blue suits, so.
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Which of course reminds us all of this.
And a favourite Ashes interview: Ian Bell smashes the world "like I said" record into tiny little pieces. pic.twitter.com/qvEOJ4SACX
— Daniel Harris (@DanielHarris) November 22, 2017
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Absolutely nothing to do with cricket, but to warm ourselves up, let’s enjoy the phenomenal standard of itiswhatitising from Barry Galahad.
Preamble
Psst … psst … are we ... are we ... back? After a riveting start which suggested this strange format was to all our benefits because it gave us lots of matches involving lots of fine teams, the rain intervened and things started going exactly to form. The top four seemed settled – perhaps it still is – and the individual feats of derring-do dried up too.
Not no mo. On Monday, Bangladesh battered West Indies – not a seismic shock, but the emphatic nature of it was as memorable as it was majestic – then yesterday, Eoin Morgan reinvented our conception of the possible. Now, here we are today.
South Africa are in the brown stuff. They’ve been rubbish so far and looking at their batting order it’s not especially hard to see why, missing pacemen or not. But they’ve still got enough to trouble anyone, and surely they can’t play this many matches without happening upon a performance at some point – they’re not quite out yet, but they need to win today.
New Zealand, meanwhile, are doin the do like Betty Boo, seeing away everyone you’d expect them to as they prepare for final or semi-final defeat … except that this time they combine fair and solidity so effectively that maybe, just maybe, things’ll be different. Given their last two tussles are against England and Australia, they need to cement that possibility - if one can actually cement a possibility – with victory today. If they cannot, they too have a problem.
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