Ali Martin’s match report
The run-rate of 4.40 per over is the highest in Test history for a series of more than one game. Faster than England v Pakistan in 2022-23, faster than India v South Africa in 1992-93 – and look how exciting that was.
We can’t top a statgasm like that so it’s time to wrap things up. Thanks for your company and emails throughout a flawed but richly enjoyable, high-octane series.
The last word goes to the sexiest camel of them all, Tim Southee.
Firstly, thank you Sir Richard [Hadlee, who gave a speech in tribute to Southee] for such kind words. Congratulations to England on a series win; as always it was played in a great spirit. I’ve really enjoyed playing against them over the years.
I’d like to thank a few people. Firstly New Zealand Cricket for everything you’ve done over the last 17 years; it’s been much appreciated.
Family: Mum and Dad, Brya and the kids. They’re the ones who are with you for the ride, they see the ups and downs and I appreciate everything they’ve done for me over the years.
Teammates: this group of guys made the ride so much more enjoyable, as did all the other players I’ve played with. I’ve loved every minute. A number of the support staff as well. [His voice is starting to crack now.]
Finally I’d like to thank the fans. It’s always great to turn out in front of numbers and this week has been really special. Thank you. I look forward to watching on a fan now, and all the best boys.
Ben Stokes' verdict
[On his decision to bowl at the toss] Yeah I think I’d stick to it. We created a lot of chances on day one, even though we probably didn’t bowl quite as well as we’d have liked. You’ve got to give a lot of credit to the New Zealand batters for getting through that opening period.
The wicket was at its most dangerous for the seam bowlers when they hit the wicket hard with fresh legs. It’s not ideal [being back in the field so quickly after the first innings] but I can’t fault the energy and effort that we put into this game, particularly in the field.
It’s not ideal to end the tour on this note but we played some very good cricket to beat a really good New Zealand side who were high on confidence after winning 3-0 in India. I think 2008 was the last time an England team won here which shows how tough it is.
We wanted to win this game and make it 3-0 but the first two Tests is when it really counted for us. That’s when we played our best cricket. It’s another series win for us and we’re very happy. We’d have liked to end the tour on better terms but it is what it is.
Stokes is then presented with the new Crowe/Thorpe Trophy by Amanda Thorpe, the wife of Graham.
Tom Latham's reaction
It’s a nice way to end the series. We weren’t at our best in the first couple of games but the way we adapted to a slightly different wicket here was very pleasing.
We took early wickets in the first innings of all three Tests but this time we were able to capitalise. After the first day here we thought we might have lost a couple of wickets too many but I guess you only find out about a pitch when both teams have batted on it.
Timmy has been a massive member of this team for such a long time. The wickets, runs and sixes speak for themselves. But as much as we’ll miss his attributes on the field, we’ll really miss him around the dressing-room. He’s a great team man and all the guys love playing with him.
We’re leaving one of the greats behind.
The player of the series is Harry Brook
[What do you love about playing in New Zealand?] I think it just opens up different areas to score. There’s been quite a bit of bounce this time and I felt I scored quite well square of the wicket.
Nothing has changed since the last tour here. I’m still trying to enjoy my cricket, work hard and try to get better every day.
I felt like I counter-punched well, particularly in the second Test, and thankfully it came off.
Mitch Santner’s reaction
[On being left out for the first two Tests after his 13-for in India] You might get the odd ground in New Zealand that spins a bit so you just have to stay ready for those Test matches.
It’s nice to bowl with a bit of a lead, and the way England play you always feel in the game.
[On his sudden red-ball uplift] It’s taken a while. I guess the role is important. When I previously played in New Zealand I was drying up an end, doing a job and then let the big boys go downwind. It was nice to get on a spinning wicket in India and take some poles. And yeah, when it spins here it’s always nice.
Everyone here will miss Tim Southee. He’s been an outstanding player for a long time for us.
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Santner’s story is a gem, mind you: 13 wickets to win the series in India and now seven more (and the smaller matter of 125 runs) to thrash England.
Mitch Santner is the player of the match
No offence to Santner, who is in the red-ball form of his life, but Will O’Rourke was the player who did most to decide this match. By far.
Harry Brook’s record in dead rubbers this year: 2, 19, 3, 0, 1. That’s 25 runs at an average of 5.
Despite another end-of-term defeat, it’s been a really good tour for England. Easy to forget now how much pressure they were under after losing in Pakistan, and how few people tipped them to win. They did that – and, just as importantly, found two cricketers of rare potential.
Brydon Carse took 18 wickets at 17.61 and would surely be the player of the series but for Harry Brook. Jacob Bethell stepped up to Test cricket, played better; he’s thrown a grenaded into England’s previously undroppable top three.
The retiring Tim Southee leads New Zealand off and is warmly embraced by each of the England party, with Brendon McCullum’s hug lasting forever. Southee, a bloody fine cricketer and even better bloke, finishes his Test career with 391 wickets at 30.26. Oh, and 98 sixes.
NEW ZEALAND WIN BY 423 RUNS!
WICKET! England 234 all out (Carse st Blundell b Santner 11) All done. Carse runs past one and is stumped by a mile, and it’s immediately clear that Ben Stokes isn’t going to bat. For the second time this year, England have been hammered by in excess of 400 runs.
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47th over: England 234-8 (Carse 11, Bashir 2) Even Bashir wants to be part of the slogathon. He runs down the track to Henry, heaves across the line and misses. Then he waves a couple of runs over mid-on. I’m not sure England’s batters are out there for a good time any more; they’re certainly not there for a long time. “This doesn’r feel right,” says David Gower on commentary.
If the morning session, particularly the contest between Bethell and O’Rourke, was like a profound, existential conversation at 4am when the party is starting to clear out, the post-lunch action has been where the bloke nobody likes wakes up in his own spittle at 8am and harasses everyone into doing one last round of Sambucas. And then another. And then another. And then another.
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WICKET! England 231-8 (Potts c Southee b Santner 0)
46th over As a wise man once said, nearly done. Potts swipes his second ball straight to Southee at long-off, another stroke that has befuddled David Gower in the commentary box. Funny how things work out; Gower spent most of his career being told he should play more responsibly.
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WICKET! England 231-7 (Atkinson c Phillips b Santner 43)
Atkinson’s clean-hitting cameo comes to an end when he slaps Santner towards deep cover and is beautifully caaught by Glenn Phillips. Atkinson made 43 from 41 balls, a fun knock that showcased his abnormal ball-striking ability. New Zealand are two wickets away, or three if Ben Stokes fancies a bat.
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45th over: England 227-6 (Atkinson 39, Carse 10) Another lusty swipe from Carse, this time off the bowling of Henry, flashes off the edge and past the keeper for four. Henry then tries a wild, loopy slower ball, sensing that Carse is about to back away. Carse manages to steretch and bunt it into the off side.
44th over: England 222-6 (Atkinson 39, Carse 6) Atkinson has a bit of fortune when a mishit drive lands safely on the off side. Carse gets off the mark with a lusty straight six because this is how tailenders behave these days.
Those runs mean England are a third of the way to their nominal target of 658. Bon Jovi’s services won’t be required today.
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43rd over: England 215-6 (Atkinson 37, Carse 0) “Were I a betting person, my long-shot shout (and it is a long shot) would be Zak Crawley being without a county in 2027,” writes Mark L. “His domestic record is very mediocre across formats - so much so that most players with those records are struggling to find a second or third county at 27 - and absent a central contract you’d assume his salary demands would be high; high enough that I doubt many counties could justify the outlay for red and white-ball averages peaking at 30.”
That’s a shrewd observation. I guess if that were to play out, he might be picked up by a county who generally play on flatter pitches. Maybe if he went to Lancashire he’d wallop 189 every fortnight.
WICKET! England 215-6 (Pope b Henry 17)
Now that is not pretty. Ollie Pope tries to reverse ramp Henry, misses completely and is cleaned up for 17. Not the most elegantly way to end what has generally been a good series for Pope.
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42nd over: England 215-5 (Pope 17, Atkinson 37) Atkinson pumps successive deliveries from Santner back over his head for six and four, then makes it 14 from three balls with a languid drive over extra cover. No fuss, no frills, just a matter-of-fact swing of the bat. I bet he has the quietest orgasms in south west London. Look, it’s been a long series.
41st over: England 201-5 (Pope 17, Atkinson 23) Matt Henry, back on after lunch, beats Pope on the inside with a ridiculous delivery that bounces much more than expected.
I wonder which bowler has taken the fewest wickets while being judged the player of the match specifically for their bowling. The reason I ask is that Will O’Rourke has taken four wickets in this game, only one more than Jacob Bethell, but he’d be my POTM without question.
40th over: England 200-5 (Pope 17, Atkinson 22) You probably want to know what happened in Mitchell Santner’s first over after lunch. But why? Why don’t you want to talk about the future; about a better world; about Jacob Bethell and Will O’Rourke.
Er, yeah. There were seven runs from the over, four of them leg byes.
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Okey dokey, the players are back.
That last hour was so breathless that I didn’t get chance to direct you to our live blog of the penultimate day at the Gabba, where India need rain. Lots of rain.
THAT WAS SO DARN GOOD. I swear, Test cricket at its best could turn Mark Corrig an into Timmy Mallett.
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“While you and probably all cricket lovers salivate over O’Rourke’s express pace, it’s worth reflecting that England may have finally found a No3 batsman in the form of Jacob Bethell,” says Colum Fordham. “He has the temperament and skill to stay at the crease and counter-attack, protecting the likes of Joe Root from going in after the fall of the first wicket. He reminds me just a little of David Gower, another golden-haired left hander who made a dashing fifty on Test debut way back when against Pakistan.
“O’Rourke is quite exceptional and it is fitting that he is showing his raw pace just as the great Tim Southee plays his last test after leading New Zealand’s pace attack for so many years.”
I couldn’t disagree less. I suspect Bethell is a natural No1-11 and it’s becoming very hard to see how England can let him out. They don’t play another Test until the end of May, so there’s plenty of time to let it marinate. But Pope and Crawley are vulnerable like never before under Ben and Baz.
Lunch
38th over: England 193-5 (Pope 17, Atkinson 19) Pope has been a bit frantic so far but that’s a lovely shot, waved through extra cover for four off Southee.
That’s the end of a morning session that was both meaningless, in the grand scheme, and utterly exhilarating. It produced 175 runs and four wickets in 33 overs. The stars were two future greats with 13 Test caps between them and a combined age of 44: Jacob Bethell and Will O’Rourke, even if you wouldn’t know it from O’Rourke’s figures of 12-5-37-1.
I promise you, his spell on a fast, slightly uneven pitch was one for the books. He would have had any batter in the history of the game hopping about on a hot tin roof. As for Bethell, I’m all out of gush. He’s astonishing.
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37th over: England 187-5 (Pope 12, Atkinson 19) Atkinson pushes defensively at an unplayable delivery from Santner. He doesn’t play it, because it was unplayable, and more importantly it bounces just over the stumps.
“There isn’t much point in Stokes having a bat, unless you count stubbornness and psychological complexity,” says John Starbuck. “I shall be back to bed pretty soon, I reckon.”
As well as being the name of my high-school band, Stubbornness & Psychological Complexity is a perfect summary of Ben Stokes the cricketer.
37th over: England 187-5 (Pope 12, Atkinson 19) Atkinson throws hands at Southee and inside edges past the stumps for four. Good time > long time.
“29th over,” writes John Starbuck. “It’s a common mistake: there’s no such thing as a ‘bicep’, since the word is ‘biceps’, Don’t blame me, blame the anatomists.”
I blame myself, not least because you’ve politely pulled me up on this in the past. What was that Larry David line: “Oh I do hate myself, but it isn’t because I misuse the word ‘bicep’.”
36th over: England 181-5 (Pope 11, Atkinson 13) Atkinson’s first boundary comes from a cracking shot, punched between short extra and mid-off off Santner. It was in the air but perfectly placed, and he threads another along the ground later in the over. They are two very fine strokes – and they have the desired effect when Santner tries to drag his length back and overcompensates. Atkinson pulls the resulting long hop for another boundary.
“Santner’s ‘run up’” is curious,” says Ruth Purdue. “He’s pretty quick and then slows in the gather. I wonder how it is with momentum. Also, I really need him to wear his glasses when bowling too. Go the full Vettori.”
He wears them when he bats, oddly. You’re right about his run up – it’s a bit like penalty takers who stop just before taking the kick.
35th over: England 168-5 (Pope 10, Atkinson 1) Gus Atkinson, promoted because of Ben Stokes’ injury, is cut in half by a ball that bounces just over the stumps. This shouldn’t take long now.
“I’m an unashamed Crawley fan and the team will be desperate to take him Down Under - I suspect a large reason for the persistence with him stems from the conviction he’ll go well on Aussie pitches,” says Max Williams. “But the emergence of Bethell changes things, doesn’t it?
“I dunno. Crawley was brilliant last Ashes and it would feel almost perverse to drop him ahead of the series where you expect him to excel. But he’s on a stinking run and an obvious alternative is now there. I think they’ll pick him for India and he’ll do enough to make the plane but it’s hardly the certainty it seemed at the start of the year.”
No, Bethell – and Pope at No6 – have slapped a whole lot of mud on England’s teamsheet. If England were playing any teams other than India and Australia next year I would keep Bethell in the team either as opener or No3. But knowing what happened to Joe Root in 2013-14, I’d be inclined to keep him as first reserve for now, albeit an open mind. That said, the key point is that for the first time England have a credible alternative to Crawley and Pope. By ‘credible’ I mean a player they rate and would like to get in the team.
(So, I wrote that reply about half an hour ago and then didn’t get to post it because there is so much happening. In that half an hour I changed my mind. I think he has to stay – not for what he will do between 2026 and 2040-odd, but for what he could do in 2025. He’s astonishing.)
WICKET! England 166-5 (Bethell c Phillips b Southee 76)
After fighting desperately to see off Will O’Rourke, Bethell falls to the first ball from his replacement Tim Southee. He made room and sliced a wider delivery – a canny bit of bowling I think – to Phillips at deep backward point. It’s a shame to give it away like that but Bethell’s innings was confirmation, if it were needed, that England have found a generational talent, maybe a multi-generational one.
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34th over: England 166-4 (Bethell 76, Pope 9)
33rd over: England 162-4 (Bethell 75, Pope 6) Now, with O’Rourke tiring slightly, Bethell lands a couple of blows with successive steers to the third man boundary. This battle, between a 23-year-old fast bowler and a 21-year-old batter, is just so much fun to watch.
O’Rourke fights back with a bumper that hurries Bethell and is top-edged to safety. Bethell smiles and then chips a third boundary of the over square leg. The last delivery goes for four byes, which makes it 17 from the over.
With the caveat that I haven’t slept properly since the start of this series and am all over the show, watching Bethell bat is so life-affirming. His skill, personality, courage and effervescence almost bring a lump to the throat. Youth certainly isn’t wasted on this kid.
32nd over: England 145-4 (Bethell 62, Pope 5) Pope is beaten by a classic left-arm spinner’s’s delivery from Santner, which curves in and then straightens past the edge. Santner releases a bit of the pressure with a full toss that Pope whacks impatiently for four.
31st over: England 140-4 (Bethell 62, Pope 1) Bethell again demonstrates his limbo-dancing ability to avoid a short ball from O’Rourke that was moving inexorably towards his noggin. “Nice to be agile and 21,” says David Gower, which reminds me of this exchange with the great Andy Bull in 2010.
As an experienced bon viveur can you recommend a good hangover cure? Aha. Well, the best hangover cure in my experience was having to bat against the West Indies in the 1980s. The prospect of any one, or all four, of Holding, Marshall, Garner and Roberts coming at you at 90mph at 10am is enough to shake you out of any lethargy.
New Zealand have another LBW appeal turned down when Bethell falls over towards the off side. They weren’t really interesting, thinking it was missing leg, though the technology had it as umpire’s call.
Bethell is then struck on the body before softening his hands to ensure an edge falls short. He’s done remarkably well to survive this barrage. O’Rourke’s bowling in this game – to everyone, not just Bethell – will go into Test cricket folklore.
30th over: England 140-4 (Bethell 62, Pope 1) Santner concedes four byes with an errant delivery, though I didn’t see it properly. I’ll level with you, I’ve only got eyes for Will O’Rourke right now.
29th over: England 133-4 (Bethell 60, Pope 0) Pope gets in a tangle and is hit flush on the bicep by O’Rourke, whose performance in this game is starting to evoke the gold standard of fast-bowling brutality: Patrick Patterson at Sabina Park in 1985-86.
Pope is not out! It was umpire’s call so that’s a fair enough decision. David Gower makes the great point that Zak Crawley was given out to a ball that hit exactly the same part of the leg bail.
In other news, that ball was timed at 95mph.
NZ review for LBW against Pope! O’Rourke could be on a hat-trick for the second time in the match. Pope was whacked just above the knee roll by his first delivery, and this is going to be really close on both height and line.
WICKET! England 133-4 (Brook c Mitchell b O'Rourke 1)
Magnificent bowling from Will O’Rourke! Brook, who had already missed a lusty swipe after running down the track, could do nothing with a perfectly pitched lifter. He tried to get on top of the bounce but could only fence it low to first slip, where Daryl Mitchell took a slightly awkward catch with the minimum of fuss. That’s a glorious piece of bowling from – sod it, I’m going with it – the best young fast bowler in the world.
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28th over: England 133-3 (Bethell 60, Brook 1) Bethell, who had been stuck at the other end for a while, enjoys a rare over in which Will O’Rourke isn’t harassing him ball after ball. He hits Santner for successive boundaries, a stylish drive and a bread-and-butter cut, before lapping a full toss for a couple. It went past leg slip at catchable height but would have needed a miraculous catch.
27th over: England 122-3 (Bethell 50, Brook 0) O’Rourke is all over Bethell like a cheap cliche. He beats him three times in that over, two when Bethell was playing defensively and one when his beans started going and he tried a big drive.
O’Rourke has a few words; Bethell scratches his mark and smiles. He can play ever shot in the book and yet the best thing about him is his temperament.
26th over: England 122-3 (Bethell 50, Brook 0) Harry Brook gets off a king pair when his first delivery bounces down the leg side.
Root ends 2024 with 1556 runs at 55.57, the seventh highest total in a calendar year. The low of Rajkot, when he was out reverse ramping Jasprit Bumrah, turned out to be a blessing in very good disguise.
WICKET! England 122-3 (Root LBW b Santner 54; assist: O'Rourke)
Yep, stone dead. He missed a sweep at a very full ball from Santner that had just enough time to straighten and would have hit middle stump. Only Root will know for sure but it feels like Will O’Rourke deserves an assist for that. Root doesn’t usually miss sweeps like that, not when he can feel his testicles.
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New Zealand review for LBW against Root! This is out I think.
25th over: England 117-2 (Bethell 50, Root 49) O’Rourke completes the set by hammering Root in the business area, just as he did to Bethell a few overs ago. Root isn’t laughing this time. He rests on his haunches for 30 seconds or so before pulling a single to reach a 59-ball fifty. He’s still really struggling though and can’t even bring himself to raise the bat. Of all the bowlers in all the world, Will O’Rourke is not the one you want hitting you in the mirth-inducers.
That single also brought up a richly entertaining hundred partnership from 120 balls.
“This is proper gear from O’Rourke,” writes Scott Oliver, friend of the OBO and author of Wisden’s Book of the Year 2024. “150kph nip-backers and in-swingers from 6ft 6 is obviously not especially pleasant to face but I reckon, looking at his approach, that he can even get a little bit quicker. Don’t recall many out-and-out pace bowlers of his height who run in as hard (and and as smooth) as this. Very impressive.”
I can’t remember the last time Root looked as hurried as he has today. Even when Bumrah had him on toast for a while, he wasn’t inducing anywhere near as many false strokes as this.
24th over: England 117-2 (Bethell 50, Root 49) Root, the master sweeper, fetches Santner behind square for successive boundaries. Another sweep for three takes him to 1920 Test runs against New Zealand, a new world record. He usurps another rascally genius, Javed Miandad. Here’s the full list.
23rd over: England 106-2 (Bethell 50, Root 38) A beautiful short ball from O’Rourke is well avoided by Bethell, swaying back like Robin Smith in his pomp. Bethell, stuck on the crease, is beaten by the next ball, eliciting a wry half-smile from O’Rourke. Did Gus Fraser ever do that?
It’s just dawned on me that O’Rourke v Bethell could provide all kinds of entertainment in the next 10 years, especially when Bethell feels more confident about giving some back.
Time for drinks.
22nd over: England 106-2 (Bethell 50, Root 38) Bethell thick edges Santner for a single to reach his third Test fifty, this one from 63 balls. It’s been a mixture of stunning strokes and desperate survival, especially against O’Rourke.
Root whacks a boundary through the covers to end the over. High-octane stuff, this.
“I read that Mark Richardson is commentating,” says Tom Van der Gucht. “Is that the same player who used to challenge the slowest member of their opponents to a race at the end of a Test series then take them on in a beige lycra outfit? I seem to remember him losing to Ashley Giles back in 2004 but beating Darren Lehmann around the same time.”
You betcha. Look at his happy little face! Makes me want to treat myself to some beige lycra for Christmas.
21st over: England 100-2 (Bethell 49, Root 33) O’Rourke hits Bethell right in the whoopsie daisies, which means a quick timeout while he gets his breath back and Joe Root has a little snigger. Bethell is really struggling against O’Rourke – no shame in that – and is beaten twice outside off stump. A few New Zealand players enquired for caught behind the second time but Tom Latham didn’t take matters upstairs.
20th over: England 98-2 (Bethell 47, Root 33) Mitch Santner, the white-ball specialist who has suddenly become world cricket’s in-form red-ball spinner, comes into the attack for the first time in the innings. There’s plenty of excitement when Bethell tries to reverse sweep his second ball, gets in a tangle and is hit on the pad. The ball bounces fractionally short of slip, though on reflection I don’t think it brushed bat or glove.
Edit: replays show it did kiss the glove on the way up, though the ball still landed just short of slip.
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The crazy thing about this analysis of Joe Root tweaking his set-up is that they’re showing it on the big screen at Seddon Park and he’s been stood at the non-striker’s end watching. Not sure they should be doing that, personally (even if a more level headed type you’ll struggle to find).
19th over: England 97-2 (Bethell 46, Root 33) O’Rourke is back on in place of Henry. Root pulls for four, a pretty good shot it not completely out of the middle, before bottom-edging a cut past the stumps for another boundary.
Rare is the bowler who puts Joe Root on a hot tin roof but that’s exactly what O’Rourke is doing. He goes past the edge, a clever piece of bowling from wider on the crease, then induces another false stroke with a shortish delivery that follows Root. He was cramped for room and could only cut the ball into the ground and up to first slip. Terrific over.
“Evening,” says Tom Van der Gucht. “I’ve unfortunately left it a little late to start my Christmas viewing traditions and have had to put together a spreadsheet that quantities how I’m going to squeeze in Father Ted, The Royle Family, BBC Christmas Ghost Stories, Gremlins, the Long Kiss Goodnight, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, The League of Gentlemen, Inside number 9, The Green Knight, The Likely Lads, Peep Show and many more... On the plus side, I’ll be putting shift in tonight watching Oh Whistle My Lad and A A Warning to the Curious whilst following the Test on my phone – win win, I suppose.”
Win win my ars- well, never mind.
18th over: England 89-2 (Bethell 46, Root 25) Bethell pulls Southee majestically through midwicket for four. Southee doesn’t really have the pace trouble Bethell with the short ball, who is now four away for his third Test fifty.
17th over: England 85-2 (Bethell 42, Root 25) Henry is okay to continue despite ripping a load of skin off his right arm. Root drives expertly for four, then fiddles an edge well short of the cordon. The bounce troubled him again, and with that in mind it’s a bit surprising O’Rourke has only bowled three overs so far.
Mind you, Henry is bowling very well and ends another good over with an LBW shout against Root. Outside the line, probably; inside edge, definitely.
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16th over: England 79-2 (Bethell 41, Root 20) Root walks across to flick Southee very fine for two. Good job he did as he’d otherwise have been the subject of a huge LBW shout. The sprawling Henry did well to save the boundary but grazed the skin on his right arm in the process. That looks nasty.
And this isn’t great either: Root has been dropped by Latham at second slip! It was a fairly straightforward two-handed chance to his left after Root was surprised by a bit of extra bounce. “They’ve got the dropsies again!” says Mark Richardson on commentary.
15th over: England 76-2 (Bethell 41, Root 17) Seeya Sachin! Bethell swivel-pulls Henry for six to bring up the fifty partnership. He didn’t fully middle it, and there were loud cries of ‘catch’, but it had enough to clear the short boundary.
Henry fancies his chances, though, and rams in a couple more short balls. Bethell shapes to pull the first before aborting the shot, an exceedingly wise move. The second clears Blundell and runs away for four more byes.
“Kipling’s If adorns the entrance to the centre court at Wimbledon,” writes Krishnamoorthy V. “‘Do not go gently into the night’ must be being lugged around with this English team. A draw may be a win to the likes of Sunil Gavaskar and Geoff Boycott but not to this team.”
Their fear and loathing of the draw is hilarious. There’s been only one in the 35 Tests they’ve played since Ben Stokes and Brendon McCullum took over. It took literally two days of Manchester’s finest rain to put a D on the table alongside all the Ws and Ls.
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14th over: England 63-2 (Bethell 34, Root 16) Tim Southee replaces Will O’Rourke and is immediately set upon by Bethell. He pulls the first ball over mid-on for four, a mishit stroke that teased the fielder, then goes down on one knee to lace a glorious drive past extra cover. That’s about as good as it gets.
It’s important we don’t get carried away with Bethell. But by heaven it’s hard. Put it this way: Sachin Tendulkar’s record of 15,921 Test runs is under serious threat from one of the England batters out in the middle and it ain’t Joe Root.
13th over: England 54-2 (Bethell 25, Root 16) Bethell tells Matt Henry where to stick his subtle questions by running down the track to smack a drive back over his head for four. The intent was rustic but the shot was played with a smooth elegance.
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12th over: England 49-2 (Bethell 20, Root 16) O’Rourke is again hitting 90mph, which turns him from a very awkward bowler into a mildly terrifying one. Even Root is struggling to find the middle of the bat and almost falls when a gloved pull beats the diving Blundell and goes for four.
Meanwhile, this email is spot on. “There’s something about Will O’Rourke’s put-upon demeanour that reminds me of Angus Fraser,” writes Matt Emerson. “Even when he was on a hat-trick he looked like someone had stolen his lunch money. He’s a bit quicker than the great man, mind…”
He’s Fraser x Harmison (2004 version) isn’t he? He has a great hangdog expression as he walks back to his mark.
11th over: England 45-2 (Bethell 20, Root 12) There’s more than one way to interrogate a batter. In the first innings Will O’Rourke pinned Bethell to the wall by the throat until he got the confession he wanted; this morning Matt Henry is using more subtle methods. Bethell is beaten, hit by a nipbacker and then extremely fortunate to see an inside edge flash past the stumps for four.
Weird as it sounds, it’s great to see Bethell struggling to survive. He’ll learn so much more from this innings than the breezy strokefests in the second innings of the first two Tests.
10th over: England 41-2 (Bethell 16, Root 12) Bloody hell that’s a shot and a half. O’Rourke spears in a yorker to Root, pretty much exactly where he wanted it to pitch. Root not only keeps it out but times it whence it came for four.
A bouncer explodes past the leaping Latham Blundell for four byes; the over ends with a vague appeal for a catch down the leg side.
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9th over: England 33-2 (Bethell 16, Root 8) Bethell half steers, half edges Henry for four. He softened his hands nicely, as he has throughout the series with deliveries like that. The follow-up ball is a beauty that straightens off the seam to hit Bethell on the back leg. Henry pleads for LBW but it was too high. Pitched fractionally outside leg as well.
What a series Bethell has had. I don’t mean his output, good though it has been, so much as his development; the challenge of batting No3 against this New Zealand on these pitches – and in so many different match situations – is worth about two years of education in county cricket. There may be some short-term pain in the next 12 months, as there was with Joe Root in 2013-14, but he’s surely going to score runs in industrial quantities across all formats.
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8th over: England 25-2 (Bethell 9, Root 7) Tim Southee will have to wait his turn. Will O’Rourke, who bowled one nasty over to Bethell last night, picks up where he left off. As a neutral I’m childishly excited about what O’Rourke could achieve in the next decade, so goodness knows how the New Zealand fans feel. I guess the precedent of Kyle Jamieson invites a degree of caution.
Root drives deliberately through backward point for four, either side of awkward defensive shots to repel sharp nipbackers.
7th over: England 21-2 (Bethell 9, Root 3) Joe Root cuts Mat Henry’s first ball for a couple to get off the mark, then squirts a drive only just short of point.
Root has scored 1506 runs in 2024, which puts him eighth on the all-time list. He’s also third after the annus mirabihorribilis in 2021, when Root played like a God and his team kept losing.
Henry ends a good first over by angling one past Bethell’s defensive push from over the wicket.
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The players stroll into the Hamilton sunshine, with all eyes on Tim Southee. It’s a gorgeous day, the kind you’d want if you’re going to chase 658.
The latest on Ben Stokes, from ECB Towers
Ben will be further assessed at the end of the Test. If required, he is expected to bat in England’s second innings
Play will start half an hour early, at 9.30pm BST, to make up some of yesterday’s lost time. That extra half hour could be crucial for New Zealand as they push to take these last eight wickets inside two days.
Preamble
This is it, then, the 65th and final day of a bumper year of Test cricket for England’s men’s team. They’ve saved the worst for last with a dismal performance in Hamilton, though we might cut them a bit of slack after such a draining year. England have played 17 Tests, one short of the all-time record, and the players look ready to put on a silly hat, pull some crackers and forget about the challenges of the wobble seam for a bit.
It’s been a mixed year in terms of results, with nine wins and eight defeats after this game. But while there are still plenty of imperfections, England have emphatically achieved their primary objective of 2024: to regenerate the team ahead of a bumper 2025 in which they play a couple of five-Test series against… ah I can’t remember who it is now.
Shoaib Bashir, Gus Atkinson, Jamie Smith, Brydon Carse and Jacob Bethell all made their debuts in 2024 and have all caught the eye to differing degrees. Bashir’s regression is a worry but we shouldn’t lose sight of what he has achieved; had he taken one more wicket yesterday he would have become the second youngest player in Test history to take 50 wickets in a calendar year.
You’ll notice we haven’t discussed the match situation. There’s no point. England will resume on 18 for two, needing 107 sixes to win the game. The main points of interest are how Jacob Bethell fares with another assault from the increasingly scary Will O’Rourke, whether Ben Stokes is fit to bat, whether Ben Stokes bats even if he isn’t fit to bat. And, most importantly, how many wickets the great Tim Southee takes on his final day as a Test player.
He reminded Ben Duckett of a few eternal truths last night, bowling him neck and crop to pick up his 390th Test wicket. Southee, Trent Boult, Jimmy Anderson and Stuart Broad, who share more than 2,000 Test wickets, have given way to the next lot. (I was going to say ‘next generation’ but as Matt Henry is 33 and Chris Woakes 35, that doesn’t seem right.)
The future of both pace attacks, and of the beloved wobble seam, looks in pretty good hands.
Right, let’s end on a positive note. These are England’s heaviest Test defeats by runs; they currently trail New Zealand by 639. For richer and poorer, this England team do things their way. Don’t go changing, lads.
562 runs Australia, The Oval, 1934
434 runs India, Rajkot, 2024
425 runs West Indies, The Oval, 1976
409 runs Australia, Lord’s, 1948
405 runs Australia, Lord’s, 2015
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