It is easy to be sucked into the narrative that Test cricket lives and breathes courtesy of England fans, whether they’re stocking up at Birmingham New Street or playing the trumpet in technicolour shirts alongside the Barmy Army in Rajkot.
But Test cricket is quite capable of slipping off its jandals and falling into a deckchair far from the strains of Jerusalem. The first Test between the New Zealand and Australia men’s sides, which starts on Thursday at the beautiful Basin Reserve, Wellington, is a sell-out, with the Hagley Oval, Christchurch, venue for the second Test, expected to follow suit.
It’s been a while since the Australians played a Test over the Tasman Sea. Such a while that neither Mitchell Starc nor captain, Pat Cummins, have played one. In fact, England have flown around the world for three New Zealand tours since Australia last played a five-day game on Kiwi turf, back in 2016. Somewhere along the line, politics and profit have added together to come up with cold porridge – but that’s the strange machinations of the International Cricket Council for you.
Nevertheless the New Zealand public, who have just watched the Black Caps beat an understrength South Africa side 2-0, are ready for the challenge of their noisy neighbours, despite the odds. Somehow, from a population of just over five million, most of whom are obsessed with rugby union, the New Zealand cricket side not only won the World Test Championship in 2021 but head the current table (with England languishing down in eighth).
But for all the outstanding, unexpected, success of the New Zealand Test team, the Australians are their brain fart, their soft underbelly, their recurring naked nightmare. The Black Caps have beaten Australia only once in a Test since 1993 – at Hobart in 2011. And they have have lost nine of their 10 home Tests against Australia in the 21st century. They followed on in the 10th, and saved it thanks to bad light and persistent rain rather than any memorable rearguard action.
“This team has done amazing things,” says Winston Aldworth, sports editor of the New Zealand Herald, “but the team they can’t beat in Tests is Australia. The greatest ever New Zealand team couldn’t get a foot in the door in the MCG that Boxing Day Test, there’s something of the little cousin, big cousin about it.
“And the Kiwis are obsessed with hating on David Warner and Steve Smith, they buy into the unlikability story a bit, we always have, just like we hated Greg Matthews in the 1980s. We hate them because they’re so damn good.”
Collective pantomime loathing apart, there is something else that might be bringing people along to the grounds – after many years behind a paywall, New Zealand cricket is being shown on free-to-air television till 2026, after the collapse of the streaming service Spark Sports.
Aldworth says: “That period behind a paywall coincided with the greatest period of New Zealand cricket, when they were the number one side, full of all-time greats. Lots of people were denied that process of just taking in the Test match by osmosis from the television at the other side of the room, while our golden generation were playing.
“And now Ross Taylor is gone, the beating heart of New Zealand cricket [Neil] Wagner has gone, Trent Boult and Tim Southee are on the decline – though obviously Kane [Williamson] goes on forever – so this feels like the last chance for Kiwis to see this great generation of Test cricketers.”
Wagner, the great enforcer, announced his retirement on Tuesday after being told that he wouldn’t be picked for the series against Australia. The big man thwarted England just a year ago with four for 62 to help New Zealand to snatch the Test at the Basin Reserve, becoming only the fourth side to win after following on.
He had come across to New Zealand from his native South Africa to further his cricketing career – and it paid off. He retires with 260 Test wickets at just over 27 – only Sir Richard Hadlee has a better strike rate of New Zealand bowlers to have taken 100 wickets. And if the New Zealand public have been denied another battle with Smith, whose wicket he took four out of five times in the Kiwis’ 2019-20 tour of Australia, they can forever fortify themselves with visions of Wagner banging the ball in with full-hearted fury.
Incidentally, the White Ferns’ wait for a Test goes on – it has been 20 years since they last pulled on their whites, in a drawn Test against England at Scarborough. Amelia Kerr said recently in an interview how much she would love to play the five-day game – but it doesn’t seem to be a priority for the authorities, despite the popularity of the men’s Tests.
Cricket in New Zealand will always play second fiddle to the All Blacks, no matter how many more glorious Test centuries Williamson can add to his collection, without fanfare or fireworks. Aldworth tells a story of his wife bumping into Trent Boult in a sandwich shop and asking for a photo for their son. His nice friend took a picture for her and it was only when she got to the counter and the guy serving asked her why she didn’t want Williamson in her photograph that she realised exactly who the nice friend was.
“The New Zealand public don’t love the All Blacks, they are obsessed by them,” he says. “But cricket followers have a real affection for these guys.”
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