A woman has come under fire after declining a wedding invite to her best friend's wedding.
Although she was maid of honour, she explained how she is a new mum, and the due date was set to be only three months before the wedding. Anxious to how she would be feeling with a new baby and a long drive, she was hesitant and couldn't promise her friend she would be there.
This feeling only grew after she had the baby three weeks early, suffering a traumatic birth. However once the bride learned she would not be attending, the new mum was at the end of nasty messages from the bride's sister.
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Feeling like she has lost her best friend, the woman remained anonymous and took to Mumsnet to seek advice. However, while many agreed the bride was being insensitive, others argued the woman was in fact asking for too much.
In a post, she wrote: "I announced my pregnancy right before the new year and my best friend then announced her engagement to her fiancé two days later.
"Obviously, being her best friend she expected me to be MOH [maid of honour], and said she wanted me to be able to squeeze into a dress for her wedding day in October.
"I told her in January that I wasn't sure if I could even make the wedding as it would be only three months after the baby would be born, and being a first time mum, I might still be trying to get into a feeding/sleeping routine. I'm addition, she lives over five hours away from me. I explained that I didn't feel comfortable traveling my baby that far so early on."
She added: "Then her sister messaged me on Facebook to harass me and called me a bad best friend because I said no. She then said "the world doesn't stop just because we have babies".
"Being pregnant and emotional, that really upset me and I decided - just to keep the peace - to comprise with my friend. I said I would see how things go over the months leading up to the wedding and if I felt I could, then I would try to attend just as a guest, which she accepted. Or so I thought.
"Fast forward to now, my baby is 11 weeks old - born three-weeks early in a pretty traumatic birth, which I am still getting over emotionally and physically. The wedding in October is next month.
"My friend asks if I have had any more thoughts on whether I'd be coming to her wedding as she's trying to get the final numbers."
She explained: "I politely decline again and say I am still not comfortable traveling my daughter that distance being so little. I know babies under a certain age cannot be in a car seat for over two hours in a stretch so this would mean having to stop every 1.5 hours or so to give her back a rest, feed, change nappies etc turning into a seven to eight hour trip instead.
"Cue her sister unleashing more abuse. This time, calling me a "disgraceful best friend" and then blocking me so I can't defend myself.
"This time, after feeling beaten into submission, I say to my friend that I'll just come by myself and leave the baby at home with her dad because I'm so sick of being made to feel like a bad person just because I'm trying to put my family first and keep everyone happy at the same time.
"This isn't good enough either apparently, and now she's snippy with me. She says I'm only agreeing to go now because I've been guilted into it by a few negative comments from her sister and that if they hadn't have brought it up again, then I would have still not agreed to go at all.
"Sorry for the rant, but am I really being unreasonable here? The whole thing has made me feel so awful and depressed and that I've lost my friend when I need her the most."
The post quickly gathered comments with over 400 people rushing to give their two-cents. But while she was looking for support, some didn't shy away from calling her out.
One replied: "Sorry but I don’t understand why you can’t go. Obviously, their behaviour is unacceptable but I think YABU [you are being unreasonable]."
"I do think you are being a bit OTT and it's true for a lot of people having an 11 week old wouldn't be an issue. I think unfortunately the damage has been done and you need to just write the friendship off and learn from it," another commented.
A third hit back: ""I think the truth is that this friendship has clearly run its course. You clearly don't care about your friend enough to want to make a reasonable effort to attend her wedding.
"She clearly doesn't care enough about you to make allowances for the fact that you have just had a baby."
A fourth fired in: ""Of course the OP could go if she wanted to, but evidently she doesn't want to. And that is her prerogative. The friendship clearly isn't that important to her. The bride has reacted badly when realising this."
And one could see both sides and said: ""Their both being s***** to be honest, it's your choice not to go and they shouldn't hurl abuse at you, so they're being unreasonable. Your also being unreasonable to assume your best friend wouldn't be upset your not going to her wedding. You must expect her to no longer be your friend after that."
But one sympathised: "I'm sorry the birth was so hard. If she's not a real friend (she hasn't behaved like one) then you're not missing out by declining the wedding invitation."
"Do not go to the wedding. This is not a best friend. If she was, she would be more understanding," another agreed.
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