There is a feeling of “helper’s high” when we do selfless acts that benefit others. The downside, however, is that some people can take advantage of that kindness.
A woman was in this predicament when she agreed to help babysit her sister-in-law’s children regularly. But the one time she refused, she was chastised for supposedly being selfish and uncaring.
After a full-blown family drama ensued, the author felt guilty. She turned to the AITA subreddit to ask whether she was wrong to say no.
Some people take advantage of the kindness of others, even with family
Image credits:cottonbro studio (Not the actual photo)
A woman agreed to help regularly babysit the children of her newly single sister-in-law
Image credits:Prostock-studio (Not the actual photo)
But when she refused one time, she was called out for being “selfish”
Image credits: MarsupialThrowRA
There is such a thing as too much helpfulness, and it can backfire
Too much of a good thing can lead to undesirable consequences. Sure, there are known research-based benefits of being helpful, such as strengthened immune system activity, improved spiritual health, and stress relief.
However, it could also give the impression that you are a pushover. That could be highly detrimental, especially in a business setting.
As organizational psychologist Dr. Nicole Lipkin noted in an article for Forbes, leaders can fall into an “empathy trap.” When this happens, feelings may overpower objectivity, which could lead to giving in too much to an employee’s wants.
Dr. Lipkin shared a hypothetical example of a staff member who may use reasons like financial burdens from student loans to negotiate a salary. This is similar to what the author shared in her story, where the sister-in-law cried to her, saying she had “no one else” to help her.
It is up to you to prevent people from taking advantage
While the author didn’t mention it in her story, some of her behavior could have caused her sister-in-law to act the way she did. At this point, damage control is her best option to prevent such instances from happening again.
Setting boundaries is step one. In an article for Inc., leadership coach and speaker Marcel Schwantes reminds us that saying no to someone without being harsh is possible. You have the right to decline if it interferes with your beliefs, passions, or, in the author’s case, personal schedule.
Part of setting boundaries is rejecting any form of manipulation, whether passive-aggressive behavior or guilt-tripping.
“Undesired submission to harmful and manipulative behavior serves only to reinforce and condone those actions,” Schwantes wrote.
The woman had the right to say no after regularly doing the same favors in the past. She shouldn’t feel bad, even with her mother-in-law’s interference.
What do you think? Was there a better course of action for the author? Share your thoughts in the comments!
The woman provided more information in the comments
But most of the people were on her side
