Although I came out as gay when I was 15 I didn’t fully embrace who I was until four years later when I moved to Liverpool.
Here, in the city, with the vibrant Pride quarter right on my front door is where I learnt how to be 100 per cent comfortable with my sexuality and be unapologetically myself. However, it hasn’t always been this way.
Growing up in Ballymoney, a small town in Northern Ireland, came with its challenges. There was next to no LGBTQ+ community, which meant I hadn’t a single gay friend and was miles behind in experiencing a romantic relationship in comparison to my heterosexual friends. The closest LGBTQ+ venue to me was 49 miles away, drag shows were few and far between and men's make-up or fashion were rarely talked about.
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Having said all that, my home is still my home and I appreciate others have it far worse than me. I was never directly bullied for my sexuality and this was probably because I was friends with the “popular girls” in my year and that often meant I got a free pass from teasing. Of course, when I got involved in arguments at school, as all teenagers do, the go-to insult was always a homophobic slur but now looking back I’d like to believe that was because of naivety and immaturity as opposed to maliciously.
While I did create lasting friendships in high school, it’s hard to compare them to the ones I have with people today in Liverpool. I simply believe this is because the friends I have now are either LGBTQ+ themselves and understand the struggle or are heterosexual but were exposed to a much better education of the community.
Regardless, it is those friends, this city, and the Pride Quarter that all helped me to start living life as my true authentic self. For a long time, my idea of the LGBTQ+ community went no further than gay men, bisexual people and lesbian women, but since moving to the city for university, I quickly learnt that it is so much more than that.
Many others will be sharing their coming out experiences today as part of National Coming out day, an annual celebration which takes place on October 11. It was first celebrated on the one-year anniversary of the 1987 National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights – a date “chosen to honour the bravery of LGBTQ+ individuals who decide to come out and live openly”, according to Stonewall, the largest LGBT rights organisation in Europe.
The charity has taken a look at why we still need National Coming Out Day. They said: “Coming out is a unique experience for each LGBTQ+ person. It’s not a one-time event; many LGBTQ+ individuals who come out to their closest friends and family may later come out at work or school, to their extended family, or to casual acquaintances.
"For some, coming out is no longer a big deal – it can be a simple matter of correcting someone’s assumptions about you, or introducing your partner. For others, coming out is still a huge challenge. The very real fear of facing discrimination, bullying, or judgement can cause LGBTQ+ people to stay ‘in the closet’, struggling with anxiety while they strive to be themselves.
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“Talking about coming out and sharing our stories can help to strengthen our community and support one another with this experience. While coming out can be daunting and scary, it can also be the first time that LGBTQ+ individuals are able to be truly open with the people closest to them."
Since National Coming Out Day was first recognised, we've seen huge progress for our community with legislation on same-sex marriage, discrimination laws, and educational reforms all helping to protect and support LGBTQ+ people. However, as Stonewall notes, these legal developments "don’t mean that the fight for LGBTQ+ rights is over".
They added: "In the UK, we continue to see LGBTQ+ people suffer from attacks, hate, and abuse. Across the world, LGBTQ+ people are still campaigning for laws and attitudes alike to change. For many, coming out can be dangerous – or simply not an option.
“National Coming Out Day isn’t a day to force LGBTQ+ people to come out or to shame people who haven’t done so. It’s a day to celebrate the beauty of being true to yourself, for having the courage to share an important part of your life with others, and for celebrating those who may come out to you.”
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