A grandma ended up faceplanting in the loos following a recent bottomless brunch after enjoying a few too many Porn Star Martinis.
Nat Cooper, 43, assumed she could handle the drink after her recent all-inclusive holiday, but later found herself with a concussion and a badly swollen eye after falling face-first in a toilet cubicle, into the floor.
She claims to have no memory of leaving the venue or getting home after the incident.
The mum-of-six, who was left feeling like "Dory out of Finding Nemo", had been sitting on the toilet at the time of her fall and had kept the cubicle door open so she could continue chatting away with her best friend Siobhan.
The pair had been drinking copious amounts of Porn Star Martinis and prosecco during their boozy two-hour brunch, which they'd arranged for Nat's birthday.
The birthday girl had already pre-drank two "big big" vodkas plus a can of Lambrini on the bus to the restaurant, because, in her words, "Lambrini girls like to have fun."
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Nat, from St Helen's, Merseyside, said: "Seeing my eye the next day, I was shocked. I was frantic, like what have I done? Please tell me I've not been fighting - I'm a nan!
"I've only been to one bottomless brunch before, in Wigan, and I was sick at the restaurant before we left. This was my birthday day out with my best friend, so I was excited and thought I'm really letting my hair down.
"I had just come back from holiday so thought I could handle the cocktails but clearly they are not proper spirits in an all-inclusive resort and these drinks hit differently. Obviously, we'd had pre-drinks - two big big vodkas because Siobhan pours them like a pro.
"I got a drink for on the bus too - a can of Lambrini, because Lambrini girls like to have fun, don't they? We got to the cocktail place and I just started necking the cocktails."
The pals had been dining out together at Chapo's El Campeon in Ashton, Makerfield, on Saturday, June 11, with the brunch setting them back £35 each.
According to Nat: "I was drinking Porn Star Martinis but you get a glass of prosecco as well which keeps getting filled up so you've got two drinks at a time and both my hands were full.
"I had some food which was gorgeous, I think, because this bit I remember, and then s*** hits the fan."
The petrol station cashier doesn't remember going to the toilet, but was later told that she'd "just flopped forward" while sitting on the loo talking to Siobhan, "like the classy bird that I am."
Nat continued: "If I had shut the door, I would have only banged on the door, but I hit the floor.
"I don't remember leaving the place or getting home. I think I had a concussion because I wanted to sleep and didn't know I had fallen. We went outside to wait for the bus and I was on the floor at the bus stop when a very kind stranger stopped and asked to take us home.
"Instead, we asked to get dropped off at our local pub. I didn't drink and I still didn't know I had fallen but apparently wouldn't let anyone phone an ambulance and the barmaid gave me ice for my eye. Eventually, Siobhan and her mum pretty much carried me home and I went to bed."
She added: "I was like Dory out of Finding Nemo - I kept forgetting I had fallen and asking who hit me. The restaurant itself was second to none, a beautiful place and lovely staff.
"I hope they let me back, it wasn't their fault, it was my fault, I shouldn't have been pre-drinking! I don't think bottomless brunches are for me!"
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