I have recently been seeing someone who is very curious about making me ejaculate. I usually only have orgasms via clitoral stimulation and when I do nothing ever comes out of me. I have never experienced female ejaculation. Is that normal? Does the sex need to be more intense? I also use vibrators on my own and have orgasms via clitoral stimulation, but still no ejaculation.
Please tell your recently met partner to leave his female ejaculation fantasies in the realm of his late-night pornography viewing where they belong. There is nothing wrong with you, and it is entirely unreasonable for him to put pressure on you to achieve something that – if it genuinely exists – is extremely rare. Instead of allowing him to make you question your “normality”, change your expectations for him and be clear that you need him to appreciate you for who you are. You do not have to try so hard to please him. Instead, think about what you would really like from him, how he could please you further – and make those requests!
• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a US-based psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
• If you would like advice from Pamela on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments). Each week, Pamela chooses one problem to answer, which will be published online. She regrets that she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.
