The early days of motherhood can be a stressful and vulnerable one for new mums. But add a pushy mother-in-law into the mix, then those stress levels can reach new heights.
Knowing how to handle this tricky situation is near-impossible, as one new mum on Mumsnet discovered. Taking to the forum to complain about the fraught relationship with her mother-in-law, the parent wrote: "My daughter is not even two months old yet and already my MIL (mother-in-law) is pushing me to commit to a set day per week when she can take the baby.
"Currently my daughter is mainly breastfed but I top her up with a bit of formula. MIL suggests she has just formula on the days she takes care of her, or I can try to pump enough breast milk".
You’ve got to trust your instincts as a new mum but a forceful mother-in-law can make you question yourself, especially in those early postpartum days.
"I know she is keen to have a close relationship with her granddaughter but I just don’t feel comfortable being apart from the baby for a whole day a week," she says. "MIL wants this to become an overnight visit as soon as possible."
"I just want to say no to the whole thing, but husband feels in an awkward position as he doesn’t want to upset his mum, so says I should just go with it and enjoy the break.”
The mum clearly doesn’t want to go along with it and the vast majority of comments on Mumsnet agree with her.
"Just say no," one said. "Why on earth does your MIL neediness take precedence over your feelings as a mother?" another added.
Meanwhile, someone else commented: "The whole idea of your maternity leave is to spend the time bonding with your little one. Tell MIL you won't be giving up a day until you need childcare for your return to work at the very earliest".
Another person shared a different perspective, writing: "If you want her help when you go back to work the issue is really that she’s pushing it before you’re ready to discuss it.
"Maybe just reassure her that she will be a big feature in your child’s life but at a pace that’s right for attachment and family needs. Tell her that her hassling you is making you feel anxious and rushed and that there’s no need for it."
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