When Laura Clement found out she was expecting her first child in December 2014 she was ecstatic with excitement. But what should have been the start of one of the happiest times of her life quickly turned into the scariest.
When Laura was pregnant with Ava-Rose she slipped into a depression and started to hear voices. "At times, I would lose grip with reality," she said. The paranoid voices fuelled her depressive thoughts and convinced her that she would have her baby taken away from her. "They were real to me, it was just like me and you having a conversation now, that is what it felt like," Laura said.
At the time, Laura, from Maerdy in the Rhondda, sought help and was prescribed anti-depressants but she said these made things worse. Unbeknown to her, she was suffering from perinatal psychosis, this then developed into postpartum psychosis when her daughter was born.
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According to the NHS, postpartum psychosis affects around one in 500 mothers after giving birth. Women who suffer with this may experience hallucinations, delusions, manic and low moods and other depressive symptoms.
Her relationship with then-boyfriend Ryan fell apart and the voices she was hearing spiralled to a point that her actions landed her in trouble with the police for the first time in her life. She spent two months of her pregnancy in prison and just three days after she was released in July 2015, she gave birth to Ava-Rose.
However that wasn't the end of Laura's depressive thoughts and voices, and it escalated further into hallucinations. Ava-Rose was removed from her care and placed with Laura's mother as she was too unwell to look after her.
"By this point I had no bearing on reality and what was real and what was not and I missed my baby so much. I started having delusions that people were trying to kill me and that I was a spy. I felt like there was nothing wrong with me, it was so real.
"I was so heartbroken having to part with my beautiful baby girl," Laura said she purposefully broke her probation to land herself back in prison to get the help she so desperately needed.
"Going back to prison was a good thing. The judge who was dealing with my case sectioned me under the mental health act so I was put in a hospital. After that I went on anti psychotic medication and the voices started getting less and less and the images had stopped. It was really hard, I could not see her much, I missed her first Christmas, every time I would have to leave her I was heartbroken, not being able to see her, it was making my recovery worse."
Laura was able to see her daughter every two weeks while she was in hospital, she said this "brightened her days" but broke her heart every time she left. She spent a year in hospital all together, six months in a facility in England before being moved to a Welsh facility. It was then she got to see Ava-Rose much more often.
When she was finally released, visitation improved, however Laura still had to fight to regain full custody of her and in 2018, when Ava-Rose was three, she was home to live with her mother again. Laura said: "It was absolutely amazing. I remember the first night being back with me, most parents would take it for granted reading her a bed time story."
During her recovery, Laura was diagnosed with bipolar disorder which is now completely controlled through medication. She was able to reconcile with then ex-partner, Ryan, and they went on to have another two daughters together before getting married in December 2021. The 30-year-old is now a stay-at-home mum to their three daughters.
"I feel robbed of a lot with my first daughter and I got to do all those things that a parent does with my other girls." Her daughter Aria was born in 2019 and Isla was born in 2021, six months before she and Ryan wed.
"I want to raise awareness of it because it is quite rare, it can happen to anyone, you don't have to have had poor mental health before. It isn't the same as feeling down or having baby blues after having a baby, it is much worse.
"I knew that I had to fight my mental health to fight to get my daughter back and I did. And I am now married with three beautiful daughters."
If you think you or someone you know has developed symptoms of postpartum psychosis, the NHS advises that you contact your GP immediately and request an urgent same day assessment. You can also contact 111 or your midwife or health visitor. For specialist support and information about postpartum psychosis, and access to a national peer support community, visit www.app-network.org
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