A Nottingham author from Sherwood has shared his experiences of parenting and the adoption process as part of a same-sex couple. Gareth Peters has published a children's book, My Daddies, which was due to be read by presenter Gok Wan on CBeebies Bedtime stories at 6:50 pm on Wednesday June 1. It will also be available on iPlayer.
The book is the first LGBT+ picture book for children to be published by Puffin, the publishing company. Gareth hopes that it will help other diverse families with representation.
Gareth and his partner, Mark Wildman became parents nine years ago when they adopted their son. They have since adopted a second son. Gareth shared that he always wanted to become a parent but life as a gay man in the shadow of Section 28 meant he felt this may not be possible.
"When section 28 was introduced, you couldn't talk about same-sex relationships or gay people so I grew up very unaware of gay people. I didn't like myself and part of that was that I thought I would never get to be a parent. I wanted to start a family and have that perfect relationship but I was made to feel that wasn't right," he said.
"When I went to university, I started to form relationships with others then Section 28 was dropped in 2004. I suddenly realised, that this is my life, we can do this and we can make a family. I met my partner and we have been together for 18 years. Quite early in our conversation, we realised we wanted to start our own family."
Gareth and Mark looked at lots of different options but ultimately decided that adoption was the best fit for them. They began the process which took about 18 months to do. Gareth says that while the process was stressful, it was incredibly rewarding and their lives changed for the better.
"Early on, we decided we wanted to start our own family. We decided that adoption was the right thing for us and our lives totally changed for the better. One of the most rewarding and bonding things is putting a child to bed and reading stories. I noticed there was a distinct lack of books on diverse families with two moms, two dads and non-binary people."
The adoption process can be difficult as it can take a long time to go through. However, the process means a very throughout the examination of both parents interested in adopting which can make it an emotional experience.
"I struggled because it felt like time was going past yet nothing was happening. It's when you start to probe into your past, which wasn't bad, that I realised how much I had been suppressing and I didn't realise how lonely I had been because I couldn't be open about being gay and knowing that it's okay to be queer. You don't realise how it affects you until you open the floodgates," he said.
"It's good because once you do, you can get some form of closure and look forward to making sure that this never happens to your family. The matching panel was possibly one of the most nerve-wracking things I've ever done in my life. Your family hangs on someone saying yes or no for your adoption."
Gareth shared the news of his book being read on CBeebies within local Facebook groups and while he was touched by the lovely messages, he highlighted that there were some that were homophobic.
Gareth said: "About 99 percent of the messages were positive and from women which were amazing. There were a few that were negative and homophobic. Some of the responses were 'Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve or people offering to pray for us. Some said they were going to get the book and burn it as they felt it was disgusting and it was indoctrinating children."
Offline, Gareth says the reaction to his family has been positive and he hasn't encountered any homophobia. He says that his children do get asked questions by other children who are curious about diverse families that don't match their own.
"I cannot recall any times where we have had issues or people saying anything to us or in front of the children. Sometimes, little children have said things to the boys about why have you got two dads but it's not homophobia, it is just questions because it's not like their family. It's how children explore the world."
Gareth will continue to write books with plans for many more after this one. He has always been creative and has written musicals, theatre and poetry in the past although he had originally just planned this book for his two sons. The children's book, which was published in 2021, is about an adopted girl who loves to read and goes on an adventure with her fathers.
He said: "I thought this would just be for my boys. When I showed it to other people, they said this could be published. This is the first picture book that Puffin has done that features a same-sex couple. It's incredible to think it's taken this long to get more books like this published."
"If we see the world through the eyes of children then we see it as an open, tolerant and accepting place. Why shouldn't this start with picture books and stories so that children don't develop prejudice or hatred? Our world is full of love and it's us adults that forget that."
The book, 'My Daddies' by Gareth Peters is available through Five Leaves bookshop on Long Row, Waterstones and online.
