Dear Coleen,
I’m a woman in my late-twenties and have recently had a baby with my boyfriend.
We’re due to go to his sister’s house for a couple of days over Christmas to spend time with his family. I was looking forward to this, but now I’m dreading it.
His sister has gone into full control freak mode and is putting a lot of pressure on us.
She’s asked us to transfer £200 to cover the cost of food and insists we spend a further £50 on a secret Santa gift.
In addition, she’s organised the whole two days without even asking us if we want to do the things she’s planned.
Is it wrong to feel this is too much? We don’t have a lot of spare money and can’t afford what she’s asking.
I’d planned to make up a hamper with some nice treats to take with me, but she wants cold hard cash!
I should also add that her sister and her husband are older than us, have good jobs and are in a much better position financially than we are.
I don’t want to ruin Christmas but, equally, I don’t want to feel forced into doing things that we can’t afford or don’t want to do. Please help!
Coleen says
What is she feeding you? Caviar? I understand your worries and frustration – you haven’t booked into a B&B, you’ve been invited for Christmas with his family and the cost of it seems to have been sprung on you without any discussion beforehand.
It seems insensitive in the context of the current cost-of-living crisis, not to mention that you’re a young couple who’ve recently had a baby and are shouldering the extra costs associated with that.
But instead of getting stressed and angry, and ruining the celebrations for yourself, talk to your boyfriend about finding a compromise.
For example, you could say to his sister, “Thank you for the invite and hopefully we’ll get to see you at some point over Christmas, but we’ve talked it over and we simply can’t afford to spend £250.”
You could suggest having Christmas dinner at home, then popping over in the afternoon with a bottle of wine.
Also, I think your boyfriend should be the one to talk to his sister – they should be able to be honest with each other without any awkwardness or falling out.
Maybe she’s been so wrapped up in creating the perfect Christmas that she hasn’t actually stopped to think.
If she does throw her toys out of the pram then just reiterate that you won’t put yourselves into debt, but you’d love to pop over with the baby whenever it’s convenient.
