Gossiping is a skill that has proven to be crucial to our social lives. As long as it’s not inherently bad, it can be a great way to pass on information about one another, which helps us stay connected. However, when gossiping becomes mean-spirited, it can become quite harmful, often breaking the trustworthiness of relationships.
Just like what happened to these two friends when one of them accidentally sent a text saying that she secretly dislikes the other. This broke the original poster’s heart, and she turned online for advice on what to do, or at least she hoped to get a few encouraging words that could help her deal better.
Talking about other people behind their backs doesn’t always have to be mean-spirited
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
However, in this case, it was and it broke this woman’s heart
Image credits: Andrej Lišakov (not the actual photo)
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“You always need to be careful about what you put in writing… because that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to be private”
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
When a person finds out that their friend was talking behind their back, honesty can help smooth things over, says Kendra Knight, an assistant professor of communication studies. However, it should be only kept at a necessary level, as going overboard with frankness can cause even more damage.
“Everyone knows that everybody [gossips],” she said. “But you can’t say that.” Instead, she recommends swiftly apologizing, admitting the fault, and not fueling the flame further. The friend who was the gossiping target will likely be hurt by such a situation, notes Knight, so it’s also important to relieve their doubts about the friendship (if friends decide to preserve it).
Etiquette expert Bonnie Tsai agrees that the most important thing to do after getting caught red-handed is to own up to it right away. Denying it can further create miscommunication and only make things worse.
Additionally, such a mistake can be a great chance to discuss any underlying conflict or resentment in the relationship. “See it as an opportunity to learn and an opportunity to deepen your relationship as well,” Tsai said. “It does take a lot of courage to be vulnerable.”
Conversely, the person who found out that they were talked about behind their back can be the first to say something about it and honestly discuss the things that were said about them, says Irene S. Levine, a psychologist and friendship expert. “The person might have been reasonable in what they were saying, even though it might have been something that was better said to your face rather than to your back,” she said.
Despite the opportunity to resolve things in friendship, Levine warns that it’s best to avoid similar situations from happening again. “You always need to be careful about what you put in writing… because that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to be private.”
Losing a friend can be just as, if not more, hurtful than a romantic breakup
Image credits: Pablo Merchán Montes (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, not all friends might make up after such an incident. And losing a friend can be just as, if not more, hurtful than a romantic breakup. That’s why coping with the end of a friendship often requires time and empathy for oneself.
The first step towards healing and getting over such a relationship is to acknowledge that going through feelings of anger, sadness, or confusion is normal and valid. After that, the person should allow themselves to grieve the person who was once dear to them.
As with any other kind of loss, it’s also important to take care of yourself. Even though it might be easier to mop all day, getting your nails done, socializing, listening to music, taking a walk outside, or reading can be healthy outlets that make you feel better. Anything that brings you joy and satisfaction is self-care and can help recover from the breakup pain.
It might be tempting to reminisce and examine what went wrong with the friendship, but it may be best to refrain from letting such thoughts consume you. Constantly looking at photos or texts that remind you of them can make moving on harder. Some individuals might even benefit from deleting or boxing up the memories, but it’s important to keep in mind that the emotions that came with the friendship breakup should be processed instead of completely ignored or repressed somewhere deep down.
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