A mum has been left feeling 'annoyed' after a 'controlling' gesture from her mother in law caused a stir.
Christmas and New Year can be an extremely busy time of year for many families, with some packing up and spending the occasion away from home. One mum has taken to the popular Mumsnet thread 'Am I Being Unreasonable' to ask strangers on their opinion about a gesture that occurred whilst the mum was away for Christmas.
Her post titled: "In laws cleaned our house while away...." gained mixed opinions from Mumsnet users. It received more than 457 responses in total.
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The post read: "We were away for Christmas. In laws have our key for emergencies. The night before we left, in laws came round. I was in the middle of packing and a lot of things were everywhere (but the house wasn't actually dirty).
The mum continued: "MIL kept saying, 'don't worry about cleaning the house before you leave, you won't have time.. (she's been asking me whether I was packed to go for about a week before I left. I don't pack a week early. I tend to pack the day before and I always manage fine. I travel a lot and always have and have travelled with my kids a lot too, so I do know what I'm doing.
"Anyhow, the house wasn't dirty, there was just clothes everywhere as I was packing. MIL kept repeating I should not worry about cleaning.. kind of annoyed me, as it wasn't dirty. But OK.. I ignored it. She then said she'd come and clean while we were away. I said no don't worry at all, it's not dirty..
"Of course, we got back and it's clearly been cleaned a bit (fridge has been cleaned, for example). Of course I'm grateful and I've said thanks. But I'm really uncomfortable with it. I assume she thinks I'm a dirty cow of course. Just the way she kept saying I shouldn't worry about cleaning - when it wasn't really dirty. The fact she was here when we were not here and the fact I had declined the offer of her cleaning my house.. it's annoyed me. I won't start a fight over it, but next time we go away, this can't happen."
Her post was met with an array of responses from Mumsnet users who were keen to share their thoughts. One said: "I would hate this. It feels very judgemental, doesn’t it? Ask them why they let themselves into the house, what was the emergency. I’d get the key back, then you’ll know it can’t happen again."
A second comment read: "I would also hate this. It sounds like she's decided it would be helpful and she's been determined to do it regardless of what you said or if it needs doing probably so she can feel needed and useful."
A third Mumsnet user commented: "Watch these boundaries. It’s this sort of behaviour that spiralled into major control issues with my ex-MIL. She would do things like this, then re-arrange cupboards/cushions/garden pots etc because they were “wrong”. ExH never stood up for me and I wasn’t allowed to confront her about it. One of the major contributors to my divorce. They think they mean well, but undermines everything."
Some Mumsnet users were convinced the gesture was 'kind' and the mum should be 'grateful'. One comment read: "She was probably just trying to do something nice, not being judgemental. If you feel uncomfortable about it, say that next time, but I would interpret this as someone trying to support you all and lighten your load."
Another user said: "My mum used to do this and I loved it - no one could clean house like she could. If we went on holiday we'd often come back to find she'd had a tidy through the house. She was careful to respect personal boundaries, avoided our bedroom etc but I loved it. It was her 'act of service' to show us she cared."
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