A mum who welcomed a new baby four months after her toddler died 'for no reason' has spoken of the feelings of joy that were mixed with 'crushing sadness '.
Emily and Darren Bowes' precious three-year-old boy Alexander died suddenly on Boxing Day 2021 for reasons still unknown - a rare phenomena called Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood which causes around one child death per 100,000.
Emily, 34, was 26 weeks pregnant at the time but had to navigate her way through the deepest grief as she prepared to welcome the new addition to their family, Isabelle.
Speaking to The Mirror, Emily, from Lancaster, said: "Having the joy of a new arrival alongside the crushing sadness is so so difficult, it's very much layers of different feelings all at once.
"It's not something that you can put into words. A combination of sadness, relief and a little bit of panic that we are going to live a big moment of life without him."
Recalling her pregnancy, Emily, also mum to two-year-old Freddie, said: "I was visibly pregnant but I remember I was very numb to it happening, I very much disconnected from the pregnancy until right towards the end.
"I think people were frightened to say they were excited about her coming because they were frightened about upsetting us. That was hard to navigate in the early months."
But Emily said every now and again she would feel a 'flutter or a kick' and she'd think "we do have something positive to focus on soon".
The few days before Isabelle arrived Emily says she was very anxious about her arriving safely, so after the birth she felt relief her baby was safe and healthy.
"We just couldn't stop staring at her," she told.
But Emily's emotions were mixed.
"When she first arrived it was a combination of she is here - but he isn't.
"He had started telling people that he was looking forward to a new sister.
"We had had a few milestones, but this milestone felt particularly difficult.
"You envisage yourself as a family of 5, and to the outside world we are a family of 4, and we want to scream and have a huge billboard to say we have got three children not two.
"It's the every day without him that upsets me, and printing photos of the new baby without him."
Emily said Isabelle's arrival as well as their son Freddie has "plucked us from the pit so many times".
"It's a change of routine we needed.
"Someone said the soundtrack of your house changes when you lose a child. The new baby changes the soundtrack again."
And Emily said Isabelle is just like her brother Alexander, "a content baby".
Emily has spoken out to raise awareness of Sudden Infant Death in Childhood.
Niki Speed, Co-Founder and CEO of the charity said: "SUDC UK is the national charity for this category of death and was so deeply sorry to learn about the tragic loss of Alexander. Sudden Unexplained Death in Childhood (SUDC) is the sudden and unexpected death of a child aged 1-18 years where the cause of death remains unexplained after a thorough investigation.
"There is limited awareness and research to understand SUDC and currently, no-one can predict or prevent these deaths. They continue to devastate families year on year.
"We are so grateful to everyone who warmly supports Alexander’s family. SUDC UK is incredibly grateful to Emily for her efforts to raise awareness of SUDC and thank all those who are kindly raising funds or donating in Alexander’s memory. If we all begin to speak about SUDC more and research is appropriately funded, there is such potential to prevent these tragic deaths in the future.”
