A mum is feeling frustrated after an upcoming hen do has been taken over by a "power hungry" hen who is "insisting" the group pays for a stripper, crude t-shirts and risqué accessories.
Hen party celebrations can be the cause of lots of stress and money woes, with many guests expected to travel to far off destinations, and chip in for an ever expanding list of activities, food, drink and more. One mum was keen to celebrate her best friend's nuptials, especially when the bride-to-be suggested a weekend in a large house with a spa and swimming pool, as well as a visit to an upmarket restaurant.
Though the £189 per person accommodation fee did raise some eyebrows, the mum was rolling with the punches until one hen "took over" planning for the occasion, and has spent a fortune on "tacky" slogan t-shirts, penis whistles and feather boas, which she's insisting the rest of the hens chip in for.
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Things escalated when the hen demanded an additional £40 per person to cover a stripper coming to the house to perform for 20 minutes. The mum has refused to cough up for the stripper, causing tension in the group chat.
The mum took to Mumsnet's ever popular Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) thread to seek advice and to ask whether she should share her concerns with her best friend to "warn" her of what's to come, or whether she should "keep her mouth shut" and make the most of the weekend. In a post simply titled " really don't want to go on this hen do ", she explained the situation and continued: "One of the other hens has decided to take charge and I'm actually dreading going because she's turning it into a total tacky chav fest.
"She has already bought us penis whistles, feather boas, t -shirts with "funny" names on them (e.g. Juicy Jenny, Hannah the W****, Slaggy Sam) and is insisting we wear them when we eat at the restaurant on the first night. This is a NICE restaurant and not cheap. She has also bought a penis costume and is insisting the bride can wear it to the restaurant and it will be "such a laugh". She bought all of this tat without asking us first and now wants us all to send her the money for it.
What would you do? Would you tell the bride of the hen's plans, or would you go along with it? Read the mum's update and then let us know in the comments section what your plan of action would be!
"A couple of us have piped up and said we want to wear nice outfits to the restaurant but this hen is insisting that we do all of the above to make the bride laugh, and that we can wear the t-shirts over our outfits. And she's not going to be returning any of the items and we need to each pay a share for what she's bought.
"Added to that, this hen is also insisting we all chip in for a male stripper, which will cost £40 each and his performance will be maximum 20 minutes! I have flat out refused to pay for this and the group chat got a bit tense as the hen was insisting we do it."
There's further cause for concern though, as the mum doesn't think her best friend will actually enjoy any of the hen's plans or ideas. She added: "I know my best friend and yeah she might find the above funny when we're all in the house together but I also think she will be embarrassed arriving to the restaurant dressed as a c*** and got the impression from her she wanted a more classy weekend enjoying the facilities on site and having a nice meal together.
"I've never met this other hen before but I already dislike her and she is really putting me off going to the hen weekend. She is really bossy and all of her ideas are tacky and hideous. Do I tell my best friend what the other hen is planning and potentially ruin the surprise for her but give her fair warning? Or do I keep my mouth shut and just try to enjoy the weekend as best I can?"
The mum's post was met with more than 150 responses from fellow Mumsnet users keen to share their thoughts. One said: "Sounds awful. Tell the bride so she can intervene and have a nice weekend away."
Another said: "I'd be very clear she can't just buy stuff and expect you all to join in. I'd also say you don't think the bride is going to be comfortable with x y and z and if it's not dropped you don't feel you can attend out of principle as you will not be a part of giving the bride a s*** hen do."
A third offered a different perspective: "This actually sounds like great fun and exactly what we did for our friend and it was a hoot. All depends on your personalities if it's something you'd enjoy or not."
Another Mumsnet user commented: "Since your best friend is the bride, I'd warn her what's going on and what has been planned. If this is not what she wants, this could really, really upset her. I was ready to tap out of this at the £189 price tag but since it's your best friend I'd go. The rest of it with the tshirts, penises etc etc absolutely f***ing not."
And another said: "Any decent restaurant would turn you all away if you rocked up in those t-shirts, [and] I'd point that out to her." One mumsnet user said: "Sounds like my idea of hell. If you honestly think your friend would not enjoy this then I'd tell her. If she chose the venue then it sounds like she was planning something a bit more sedate than what this hen is planning."
In an update, the mum said she messaged the hen asking her to hand the planning over to her and the only other bridesmaid as they both know what the bride wants. She then said the hen was furious over this and has "gone insane", and set up a separate group chat in an effort to exclude the mum, even going so far as to lie to the rest of the hen party and say the mum could no longer attend.
The mum added: "I'm going to remove CowHen from original group chat and tell the other hens to NOT send her any money and that she is trying it on. This whole thing is turning out to be a nightmare." At the time of writing, 97% of Mumsnet users voted the mum was not being unreasonable.
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